What You Left Behind
by Hidge
Summary: Four years after residency, Jackson wonders if there's still hope for him and April. There are many obstacles in his way and one major problem: she's getting married. AU - The plane crash never happened. Set after 8x24 - "Flight".
1. The One That Got Away

**A/N: I am going to turn What We Could Be into a multi-chapter fic but I want to start posting this as well. This fic is set at the end of Season 8 but the plane crash never happened so I guess it's pretty AU.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's.**

* * *

_In another life  
I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say  
You were the one that got away_

_- The One That Got Away by Katy Perry_

* * *

_April 2016_

Jackson Avery shifted his backpack from one shoulder to the other as he fished the keys to his house out of his jacket pocket. He finally managed to open his front door and he was immediately greeted by his large golden retriever, Brody. He smiled as he reached down to affectionately scratch the dog's head. He laid his backpack down on the floor before quickly running back outside to grab his mail. He walked back inside his house and closed the door behind him with his foot as he shuffled through his monthly bills.

He absolutely loved his life in New Orleans. He loved the city. He loved his job at Tulane. He loved his dog, and he loved his house. He had great friends and great coworkers. Most days he absolutely loved his life in New Orleans and wouldn't trade it for anything. _Most_ days that is, but then there were other days, and on those other days, he would give up his life in New Orleans in a heartbeat.

Today was one of those days.

He sighed as he turned over a special piece of mail in his hands. He had been dreading its arrival for months. For every day that it had not appeared in his mailbox was one more day that he didn't have to accept that this was actually happening. After a moment, he finally worked up the courage to pull the invitation out of the envelope.

He slowly walked into his living room and lowered himself down onto his couch as he stared at the words in front of him.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of_

_April Kepner_

_and_

_Peter Wakely_

_Friday, the seventeenth of June, two thousand sixteen_

_at two o'clock in the afternoon_

_The Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine_

_New York, New York_

He had been in denial about this marriage for months, since he had first heard that they were engaged. This was it. She was getting married. His April was getting married. Well, he supposed that she was Peter's April now, and had been for a while.

He really needed a drink. He headed to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself a glass before returning to the couch.

He heard his front door open and a happy voice chimed, "Honey! I'm home!" There was a string of laughter before she added, "So, I brought beer and picked up Thai food."

Lauren Reid stepped into the living room and took in the scene before her. Jackson was slumped on his couch with a glass of scotch in his hand and there was a piece of paper and an opened envelope lying on his coffee table. "Oh shit," she said quietly. He only drank scotch when he was upset about a certain woman. "Oh shit," she repeated louder as she joined him on the couch. "It finally came, didn't it?" He merely nodded and she leaned toward the coffee table to see for herself. There it was: the wedding invitation. "Oh shit," she repeated yet again.

"Yup," Jackson solemnly agreed.

Lauren was a bright, witty, gorgeous blonde, and a talented orthopedic surgeon. She was fun and a pleasure to work with. She was also very _very_ gay. The irony was not lost on him; she was the Callie Torres to his Mark Sloan, except that Lauren would not even think about sleeping with him in a million years.

They had been friends for four years, ever since he had moved to New Orleans to begin his fellowship. She had been starting her fellowship as well, and after moving from Los Angeles, she had been feeling a little out of place in her new environment, much like him, so they had quickly become close friends. They had even shared an apartment for their first year in New Orleans. She was his best friend these days and she knew every detail of his long, complicated relationship with April.

She frowned as she said, "I think that my choice for our annual Friday night movie just became a little inappropriate."

"What did you get?" He asked curiously.

"_My Best Friend's Wedding_," she mumbled.

Jackson scoffed, "How fitting."

After a long silence, Lauren asked, "So what are you going to do? Are you gonna go?"

Jackson thought about it for a moment as he chewed on his bottom lip. He wanted to see her again but he didn't want to watch her get married. That would be way too hard. "I dunno," he replied. "My mother says it's supposed to be the east coast wedding of the season."

"Well, I think you should go because she obviously doesn't love him as much as Dermot Mulroney loves Cameron Diaz."

He turned to her in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"_My Best Friend's Wedding_!" She exclaimed. "Let's just watch the movie!"

Jackson smiled a little as he finished his drink. Lauren always had the ability to cheer him up and he didn't have to worry about ruining things with sex. They had the perfect friendship.

About halfway through the movie, Jackson spoke through a mouthful of Thai food. "So," he began as he gestured towards the television. "Are you trying to say that I should go to New York and steal the bride?"

"Well, yeah, kinda," she admitted. "I mean, you at least need to tell her how you feel. She deserves to know."

"She knows," he stated.

"Does she?" Lauren challenged. "How long has it been since you two last spoke?"

Jackson hung his head and fiddled with the label on his beer bottle. "Way too long," he confessed.

"Exactly! She thinks that you're down here living the life. She doesn't know that you barely date and that you spend almost all your free time with a lesbian." She wanted to add that he also picked up the phone to call her every day but didn't know what to say.

"I date," he argued. Lauren arched her eyebrow and he sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine, I don't date." His last date had been months ago. "But it's because I have a big case load."

She knew that he loved his job and that he wanted to be the head of the plastics department one day, but he didn't date because of his career. "I'll come to New York with you, if you want," she offered supportively. "You do get to bring a guest."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. You'd be able to keep me from doing anything stupid."

Lauren chuckled and propped her feet up on his coffee table. "Please, I wouldn't be like George, I'd be encouraging you to do something stupid."

Jackson laughed a little before he sighed. "I can't believe she's getting married," he murmured. "I guess I knew that it would happen eventually, she wants to have a family, but still," he trailed off.

His thoughts wandered as he fiddled with the chain he wore beneath his shirt. On the chain was a purity ring, a symbol of a promise to remain abstinent until marriage. April had given it to him in an envelope the day that he had left Seattle for New Orleans; along with a little note that explained that it was fitting for him to have it since she had given him her virginity. He was the first guy that she had ever loved so he deserved to have that part of her. Despite their conflicting views on some very important issues, he had believed that he would have every part of her…forever.

"You still thought it'd be you…in the end?" She questioned quietly.

He turned to her with a sad smile. "Well, I still kinda thought that maybe we'd, ya know, somehow get back together," he murmured timidly.

Lauren frowned and she wasn't sure what to say. He was pining. To say that Jackson still held a torch for April Kepner would be an understatement. They had one of those epic romances that you only saw in the movies. She couldn't help but root for the pair, wedding or no wedding. He still really loved her, and she obviously had no idea or otherwise she would not be marrying another man. Lauren was definitely going to help Jackson get his girl back.

* * *

April Kepner dutifully worked on a chart at the nurses' station and smiled when a warm hand rested on the small of her back.

"Good morning Dr. Kepner," a silky male voice greeted.

She looked up from her chart and turned to smile at her future husband. He had had an early surgery on a six-year-old so she had missed him this morning. "Good morning Dr. Wakely, how was your surgery?"

"It went great," Peter answered happily. "What about you? How's the pit this morning?"

"Uneventful," she replied honestly.

He leaned towards her with a grin and lowered his voice. "Wanna go to an on-call room with me?"

April giggled but raised her head when Samantha, the nurse behind the ER desk, called her name. "Dr. Kepner, there's a call for you."

"Incoming trauma?"

Samantha shook her head. "No, it's from Tulane."

April couldn't deny that her heart began to beat a little faster at the possibility of who could be on the other side of that call. She walked around the nurses' station and accepted the telephone receiver. "Hello," she answered.

"_Hey."_

Her breath caught in her throat. She hadn't heard that voice in over a year but it was unmistakable. "Can you hold on a second, please?" She turned back to Samantha and said, "Can you transfer this to my office?" She nodded and April smiled. "Thank you."

She shot Peter a quick smile before she rushed to her office and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath before she sat on the edge of her desk and picked up the phone. "Sorry about that."

"_It's okay,"_ Jackson answered.

"So, how are you?" She asked awkwardly. He had called her but he seemed reluctant to talk.

"_I'm good. How are you? How's being the Head of Trauma at Columbia treating you?"_

She hadn't told him that herself so he must have heard it through the medical grapevine, probably from his mother. She still occasionally communicated with Catherine Avery. "It's different. I have a nice office," she chuckled. "But it's a lot of work."

"_You'll do great. You were born to organize,"_ he jested.

"Thanks," she laughed. After a long silence, in which she nervously fiddled with the edge of her lab coat, she said, "I'm surprised that you called." It was much easier to be honest when he wasn't standing in front of her with those gorgeous eyes of his.

"_I've been trying to get up the nerve to call since the moment I left,"_ he confessed. _"I'm sorry."_

"It's okay," she whispered. "It was a long time ago."

"_Doesn't feel like it was that long ago,"_ he pointed out.

"No, it doesn't," she agreed.

She could still remember that day like it was yesterday. She had cried every night for months, hoping that he would show up at her door, or call, or write. She had hoped that he would give her some indication that he was still as invested in them as she was. But he never did so she had decided to move on with Peter. She had _needed_ to move on. Focusing her energy on loving someone else was the only way that she didn't feel miserable all of the time.

She cleared her throat and asked. "Did you get your invitation?"

"_I did. Congratulations."_

"Thank you." He sounded sincere but she couldn't be sure. "Are you going to come?" She asked tentatively.

"_Do you want me to?"_ He breathed.

She bit on her bottom lip as she pondered his question. It was going to hurt to see him again but she really missed his friendship. She desperately wanted to see him again. "I do. I really do. I miss you Jackson."

"_You do?"_

"Of course I do," she sighed. "You're still my best friend."

He teased, _"You don't get out much, do you?"_

"No, I don't," she laughed. The truth was that she did have a few close friends in New York and they were great people. However, her life felt less complete without Jackson in it.

"_Yeah, I'm coming,"_ he finally said.

"Great," she smiled.

"_Well, I have to go operate but I'll talk to you later."_

"Will you?" She asked a little sceptically.

"_April, I'll call you tomorrow, I promise."_

She smiled even though she tried not to. It was nice to hear him say her name. "Okay, have a good surgery."

"_Thanks. Bye."_

"Bye." She placed the phone back on its cradle and slowly moved off of her desk and lowered herself into her desk chair. She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. After all of their time apart, the effect that he had on her hadn't changed a bit. It was very dangerous.

There was a knock on her door and she mindlessly shuffled the papers in front of her as she called, "Come in!" Peter stepped into her office and closed the door again. "Oh, hi," she said softly.

"Finished with your call?" He asked as he sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

She nodded, "Yeah, all done."

"Who was it?" He was trying to sound casual but there was a slight edge to his voice.

"It was Jackson," she told him truthfully. "He just called to tell me that he's coming to the wedding."

"Oh, is he?" Peter questioned in surprise. He didn't think that the guy would actually show his face after how badly he had hurt April. He had a lot of nerve.

She nodded again and smiled. "We're going to be friends again." She noticed Peter's frown so she got out of her chair and walked around her desk. She sat down in his lap and kissed his cheek. She knew that Peter wasn't comfortable around Jackson but despite everything that had happened between them, he was still very important to her and she told her fiancé as much.

"Doesn't change the fact that he's your ex," he grumbled. A part of him still couldn't get past the fact that April had been involved in a physical relationship with that guy.

"It was a long time ago," she whispered. She placed her hands on his face and turned his head so that they were eye to eye. "I've moved on and so has he." She captured his lips and his arms immediately tightened around her waist.

Peter was so sweet and he really loved her. They had known each other since med school and they had been working together since she had finished her residency. He was a skilled and caring pediatric surgeon. He was patient and understanding, and a devote Christian. He made her laugh and they wanted the same things. They had the same foundation of beliefs. He was really good for her and she had always dreamed about marrying a guy exactly like him, which is why she absolutely detested the fact that his kiss didn't produce butterflies like Jackson Avery's voice did.

* * *

**A/N: Fyi, I imagine Peter Wakely as a nerdier version of Andrew Garfield. Lol.**

**The next chapter will go back to 2012 and the end of Season 8! Please leave a review! :)**


	2. You Don't Know Me

**A/N: Due to the overwhelming response to the first chapter, I decided to post chapter 2 earlier than I intended. I will most likely not update again for a week or so but this chapter is really long. So enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

_No, you don't know the one  
Who dreams of you at night  
And longs to kiss your lips  
And longs to hold you tight  
Oh I'm just a friend  
That's all I've ever been_

_- You Don't Know Me by Jann Arden (_My Best Friend's Wedding _version)_

* * *

_June 2012_

April packed with a small, satisfied smile on her face. Packing was a very productive step towards getting her life back together.

It had been three weeks since she had failed the American Board of Surgery certifying exam and a large part of her was still in denial that her life had changed so drastically in such a short period of time. Dr. Webber's end of residency dinner had been a harsh wakeup call. Her friends had celebrated their futures in medicine and their fellowships in various parts of the country and she had acted happy and positive while having absolutely no idea what she was going to do next. She had been finally forced to accept that her life couldn't be as perfect as she had once imagined. She couldn't control everything and she had to make the best of what she had to work with. The unknown terrified her more than anything so the next day she had developed a plan.

The first thing that she had done was reassess her faith. She had gone to church and asked for forgiveness. She had talked to a priest. She still felt guilty about her two indiscretions but overall, she felt much better about her relationship with God. It was possibly even stronger than before.

She had had many battles with her religion over the years. When she was younger, living in the small town of Moline, everything had been so clear, cut and dry, black and white, and believing in God had been so easy. Then she had moved out of her small town and sheltered upbringing to study science and medicine and her beliefs had gotten a lot fuzzier. As a doctor, she was supposed to believe in clear cut facts and proven evidence and her religious convictions didn't fit into that mould. She had stopped going to church and praying when she had first moved to Seattle but then the shooting had happened. Due to the tragedy, her faith had been renewed and strengthened and she had needed to believe in God again in order to survive from day to day. She needed to believe that Reed and Charles were in a better place and that she had survived for a reason. She needed to believe that she had a part to play in the world.

After straightening out her beliefs she had hunted for a job. Being a doctor gave her a sense of purpose, she couldn't just stop practicing medicine. It was the biggest part of her life. Jackson was right, she was still a doctor and she still had a lot to offer as a doctor. She had graduated from med school at the top of her class. She had earned the first solo surgery of her class at Mercy West. She had been the Chief Resident at a top ranking hospital. She was a catch even though she wasn't Board certified.

At some point during her job search, she had thought of the kids that Alex had brought over from Africa. There were places in the world that were absolutely desperate for doctors, she had always dreamed of doing something that humanitarian, and she had never been outside the United States. So, she had called a friend that she had gone to med school with who now worked for Doctors without Borders. She had signed a two year contact with the organization, she would return next June to retake her Boards, and her first placement would be in a refugee camp in Kenya.

Her life was back on track and she was excited.

There was just one problem…Jackson. Things between them were still weird and slightly uncomfortable, and she hated it. She didn't want to lose her best friend. Despite the fact that he was going to New Orleans and she was going to Kenya, she still wanted to stay in contact with him, but she didn't know if he wanted that. She really had ruined everything between them because she had focused too much on other people's views on sex and had finally succumbed to her secret, long held crush.

Everyone around her treated sex so casually that she had started to wonder if she should just get it over with and see what all the fuss was about. At least then she wouldn't get teased for being a virgin. That aspect had certainly appealed to her. The idea that it would help her relax at work had also intrigued her.

After Catherine Avery had been able to tell that she was a virgin just by looking at her, she had started to wonder whether or not her reasons for waiting _were_ good reasons. She had started to toy with the idea of having sex but there was still the problem of who she would have sex with. So, she had started to date regularly and flirt with patrons at Joe's. But just when she had started to gain some confidence with the opposite sex, Jackson broke up with Lexie and they started to grow even closer. While studying for the Boards, they had spent practically every moment together. Sloan had taken notice and had placed even more confusing thoughts in her head.

But it wasn't Catherine Avery's fault or Mark Sloan's. She had stopped blaming other people for what had happened in San Francisco. It was her fault, no one else's. She had initiated it. She had wanted it. She had just been so sick of doing exactly what was expected of her. She had done it her entire life. She had gotten excellent grades, she had never stayed out late, and she had never gotten into trouble with drugs, drinking, or boys. She was the fussy, detail oriented surgeon who never broke protocol. She never broke the rules. She had been a twenty-nine year old virgin. She had just wanted to do something unexpected. She had wanted to break the rules for once.

And Jackson wasn't Alex Karev, he truly cared about her. She had been attracted to him for years. She had talked him into it and she had enjoyed it. Sex had been so much better than she had even imagined. She still thought about how good it felt, even though she tried her hardest not to. She had been telling him the truth when she had said that he had changed her. She was still distraught and uncomfortable with the idea that she wouldn't be a virgin for her husband but she felt like a more complete person. She finally felt comfortable in her own skin and she could thank him for that.

Also, she had been idealistic, hopeful, and frightened about sex. Now that she wasn't a virgin anymore, she felt less pressure to find the perfect man. She didn't have to worry about the perfect first time anymore. Now, she just wanted somebody who loved her.

But Jackson had simply appeased her; he had done her a favour. She knew that he didn't see her as anything more than a friend. He looked out for her like a little sister. He had so much experience that he probably hadn't really enjoyed himself anyway; she hadn't exactly known what she was doing. He had said that it was great but he was such a nice guy that he had most likely said that just to save her the embarrassment. The thought of someone like Jackson Avery wanting her was actually laughable.

He probably felt disgusted and incestuous, along with his feelings of pity and guilt. He regretted what had happened between them for a completely different set of reasons than she did.

A soft knock sounded on her open door and she turned her head to see Jackson standing in her doorway. She was surprised to see him; they hadn't been alone since their eye-opening conversation in the residents' locker room. She could have easily attributed it to their schedules. Since their residency had ended, they had both been busy packing and getting things in order for their moves. She had been going to church and he had been running and going to the gym almost obsessively. She _could_ have easily attributed it to their busy schedules but she knew that he was avoiding her.

"We're going to get takeout for dinner. What do you want?" He asked softly.

"Doesn't matter," she replied.

He leaned on the doorframe and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Their encounters had been like this since the incident. Stilted and tense, so far removed from how they used to act around each other. She was trying to be happy and normal but it just wasn't the same. He missed the cheerful, optimistic, sweet girl that he had known since internship. He opened his mouth to speak again but Karev quickly appeared next to him.

"Kepner, Chinese or Indian?" As April thought it over and continued to pack, Karev breezed past him and into the room. He spotted her open underwear drawer and grinned. He whistled, "Kepner, I'm impressed." He picked up a pair of black, lace panties and twirled them around his index finger. "Has anyone seen these on you? I'll volunteer," he teased.

"Karev," Jackson began angrily.

April quickly spun around and snatched her underwear out of Alex's hand. She smacked him repeatedly on the chest and quickly pushed her drawer closed. She had forgotten that she had left it open. "Indian. Now get out of my room!"

He snickered as he left the room. "I'm going to go pick it up," he announced.

Jackson shifted his feet awkwardly as they heard the apartment door open and close. He hadn't liked seeing Karev handling her underwear, not one bit. It made him angry and jealous, and he had no right to be either. It also made him think about San Francisco. He hadn't seen that particular pair but he had seen her in her underwear. The first time: blue panties, white bra, cotton. The second time: matching set, beige, silk.

April tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to will the redness in her cheeks to disappear. She looked at Jackson and sighed, "Do you need something?"

He shook his head as he bit down on his bottom lip. "Do you want some help packing?" He actually had no desire to help her pack. He didn't want her going to Africa. He admired what she was trying to achieve but he had heard the stories on the news just like everyone else; some dangerous things could happen over there to foreigners.

"No, that's okay."

He thought for a moment before he asked another question. "What time are people coming here tonight?" They were throwing a party to celebrate fellowships, and leaving Seattle, and what not. It had been April's idea; a party was the last thing that he was in the mood for.

"Probably around nine."

He took a deep breath and shifted once again. "April, I…" He scratched his head. "I'm sorry for…"

"Avoiding me?" She supplied with a wry smile.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I'm sorry; it's just that I—"

She quickly cut him off, "It's okay, I understand."

"No, I don't think you do, I—"

"Jackson," she grimaced, "we really don't have to talk about it. Can we please just go back to being friends? Is that possible? I miss how we used to be."

He was taken aback by the desperate quality to her voice. He had known that by avoiding her he was hurting her even more but he was just so messed up that he had needed time to get everything together. He had wanted to figure out his feelings for her. He had thought that it would be easy to go back to the way things were before San Francisco. He and April had been strictly platonic for years. He had spent their whole relationship not being interested in her as anything more than a friend. But after almost two weeks of avoiding her, he hadn't stopped thinking about her, as more than a friend, for a single minute.

"Of course we can be friends again," he answered. He had really missed her.

"Good." She sighed in relief and smiled, and it was that cute, close lipped, dimpled smile that he had never been able to resist, even as just a friend. "Good," she repeated, "because I'd really like to keep in touch with my best friend."

He smiled softly and brilliantly veiled his expression. He had years of practice of hiding his emotions. Averys were not supposed to show weakness. The last thing that he wanted was for her to just disappear from his life but she didn't get why. She didn't see it yet.

* * *

Jackson sipped his drink and watched April happily chat with Meredith and Cristina. Their party was in full swing but he was staying close to the table full of liquor because he was still so fucking messed up.

He and April weren't on the same page at all. Their signals were completely crossed and she wouldn't let him talk about what had happened between them. Yet it was all that he wanted to talk about. It was all that he could think about. Everything was so vivid in his memory. He dreamt about her like some lovesick teenage boy.

Her soft, pale skin. Her perfect lips. The excitement to her slightly unsure, nervous movements. The way her hands felt on his back. The way that his hands felt in hair. The way her breasts felt against his chest. The sound of her strangled gasp as he slowly slipped inside of her. The soft sighs and the loud moans. The way that they had moved together. The way that she had laughed melodically afterwards.

It had been far from perfect but even better than he had imagined. The feelings that he had for April as just a friend were more powerful than any feelings he once had for the countless women of his past. Add that to what he had been feeling for her since his breakup with Lexie and it was no wonder that he had been a little speechless. He had never felt so content and satisfied after sleeping with a woman. He had never wanted to please a woman so badly. He had never wanted to cuddle and stay the night so badly.

She may have been the virgin, he may have changed her, but she had awakened him. He had sleepwalked through so much of his life. He had spent so much of his time trying to please his family and then rebelling against his family. He had spent so much of his time sabotaging his career and then trying to salvage it. He didn't want to do any of that anymore. He wanted to do what made him happy and she made him happy.

But then everything had fallen apart with her confession the next day. He had expected her to be a little uncomfortable around him and he had been prepared to reassure her and tell her how much he cared about her. However, he had not expected what she had told him.

"_I was a virgin because I love Jesus."_

He knew that she had a very strong set of morals but she had never given him any indication that she was religious. She had told all of them that she was still a virgin because she had wanted it to be special and she had waited too long, missed her opportunity. But he should have known that something else was layered underneath all of that. April was very private and her words after she had kissed him should have been a dead giveaway.

"_Because my whole life, since I was a kid, I had this idea of how my life was supposed to be, these rules that I was supposed to follow, but I'm not a kid. I'm not the same person I was when I started my residency."_

He should have known. He should have stopped anyway. She had had a glass of wine at dinner, and she had been stressed about the Boards, and experiencing a high of adrenaline from punching that idiot in the face. But he had been too busy staring at her eyes and her lips, and after his weak arguments, his mind had already skipped ahead to what they could do in her hotel room. A voice in his head had yelled at him that he may never get another chance to be with her and then she had whispered that it was okay and he hadn't been able to deny her, or himself.

He finished his drink and quickly poured himself another one. He had gone over her words over and over again on his many runs and trips to the gym but that didn't stop him from going over them yet again.

"_The problem isn't that I broke my promise, that's not the problem. The problem is…"_

She felt guilty because she had enjoyed having sex with him. It was possibly the worst compliment he had ever received. She had loved having sex with him but she felt bad about it.

"_You changed me, Jackson, and I loved that. But I hate that I'm not a virgin for the man I'm gonna marry, I'm not freakin' happy about that. And I'm really not happy that you feel bad about it because you're my best friend."_

She had been saving herself for the man that she was going to marry. That revelation probably hurt the most because it meant that she hadn't even considered that he could be the man that she was going to spend the rest of her life with, not once. He was her best friend but even she was aware that he wasn't good enough for her. She thought that the only reason that he wanted to be around her now, the only reason that he wanted to comfort her, and hold her, and kiss her, was because he felt guilty. He did feel guilty but not for the reasons that she thought. He wished that he could feel guilty about taking her virginity but he didn't. He did, however, feel responsible for her conflicting feelings. He felt responsible for not taking better care of her. He should have insisted that he spend the night. He should have talked to her more. He should have made sure that she really was okay. He had known that she wasn't acting like herself and he had left anyway because he had been so damn happy.

He finished another drink and switched to taking shots. He was hitting the booze very hard tonight because she was going to freakin' Africa and she was laughing with Meredith and Cristina when all that he wanted to do was talk to her, and touch her, and kiss her, and tell her how much he wanted her, and for how long he had wanted her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her.

He took a shot of tequila and grimaced as the amber liquid burned his throat. He was really fucking messed up and he wasn't sure if he cared anymore.

"_Taken advantage? I kissed you, remember?"_

Another shot.

"_Just go to Tulane already."_

Another shot.

"_I'm not happy that everything I thought I was turns out not to be true. I'm not a Board certified surgeon. I'm not a virgin. I'm not a good Christian. I don't know what I am but I know I'm not happy!"_

Another shot.

"_You just feel guilty for having sex with me, and then I failed, and now no one wants me!"_

Her statement couldn't have been more inaccurate because he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything.

So he took another shot.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned his head to find Sloan standing next to him. Sloan was actually the last person that he wanted to see right now. His mentor had been so ridiculously happy since he and Lexie had gotten back together that Jackson could not tolerate him in his current mood.

"You might wanna slow down a little," Sloan advised.

"Maybe," he answered as he poured himself another shot.

Sloan gently pried the bottle of tequila out of his hand and set it down out of his reach. "You seem awful moody for a guy that's about to start a fellowship at Tulane, and you're gonna stare a whole through Kepner." He didn't offer a response so Sloan continued. "She really rebounded quickly, huh? She seems really happy about this Doctors without Borders gig."

"Yup," he said bitterly. "Happy, that's April."

Sloan raised an eyebrow before leading him into the empty kitchen. "What's going on Avery?"

"We had sex," he confessed. It actually felt surprisingly good to let out the big secret.

"Who had sex?" Sloan asked in confusion.

"Me and April." He nodded in confirmation as he watched Sloan's mouth drop open in shock. "Yeah, we had sex. Twice. Really great, really hot sex." He wistfully looked in the direction of the living room. "She was so…ugh…" He closed his eyes and groaned, "Amazing."

"Whoa," Sloan breathed. "Whoa." He had suggested that very thing to Kepner but he hadn't actually expected her to go through with it and he wouldn't have expected Avery to have this reaction. "When did this happen?"

Jackson rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms and groaned again. "At the Boards."

"Oh, must have really messed with her head," he murmured. Noticing the stricken look on Avery's face, he spoke again in a much more positive tone. "It's not a big deal. Sex with your best friend doesn't have to be a big deal. You can still be friends. You can be friends who have sex if you want."

"You are the worst person to talk to about this," Jackson stated in frustration.

Sloan frowned, "Sorry. Well, whatever is going on with you, you should probably talk to Kepner about it."

"You make it sound so easy."

Sloan watched Avery in puzzlement as the younger man sighed before leaving the kitchen.

* * *

Sloan waited for fifteen minutes but Avery never returned to the living room. He was definitely hiding and Sloan had a feeling that the younger man would only talk to one person. He walked over to the group of women and gently pulled Kepner away by her elbow. "I think that Avery's hiding in his bedroom," he told her.

She crinkled her nose in confusion. "Why?"

"Not sure," he lied. "You should go talk to him."

"Okay," she nodded. She left the living room and walked to the end of the hallway. She knocked softly on Jackson's bedroom door and she heard muffled permission to enter.

April walked into Jackson's room to find him sulking. He was sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard and his legs fully extended in front of him, and he was drinking by himself. He had been very shut down lately but she felt better after their conversation before dinner. She wondered what was bothering him.

"Why are you being so anti-social?" She asked playfully as she closed his door behind her.

He shrugged as he took a sip of his drink. "I don't want to deal with everyone acting so happy right now."

"What's going on?" She asked in concern.

He took another gulp of his very strong drink before he said, "I ruined your life and I'm sorry." His level of intoxication was going to make him very honest.

"What?" She asked with a startled laugh. "Jackson, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what you've pretty much refused to talk to me about since it happened," he stated bitterly.

"We have talked about it," she retorted quickly. She leaned against his dresser and crossed her arms over her chest. They had talked about it, in the residents' locker room before Dr. Webber's dinner. She had told him how she felt and now that their friendship was returning to normal, she was just trying to be happy since they wouldn't be in the same place much longer.

Jackson shook his head. "No, you talked and I listened," he pointed out. "I ruined your life. I made you break your promise to Jesus, and I made you fail the Boards, and now you're moving to the other side of the world to get away from me."

"Jackson," she sighed. "You didn't ruin my life and I hate that you feel that way. My Boards were a…" She paused and shuddered at the memory. During the first session, her answers had been correct but unconfident and full of trepidation. In the second session she had been uptight and sweaty, and unable to follow the rules and just move on to the next scenario. The third session had been the best by far but she had also talked about her relationship with God and her bathroom quickie. "They were a disaster and that was nobody's fault but my own. But it's okay now," she smiled. "Because I have a job and I have a plan."

"You have a job in _Africa_," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she nodded. "In Africa." She watched him frown as he kept his eyes firmly fixed on his glass of whatever he was drinking tonight. "Because Chief Hunt was right; I'm not the best person for the trauma fellowship at Seattle Grace Mercy West."

Jackson waited a moment before he responded. Her lack of self-confidence made him explicably angry. "You were made Chief Resident for a reason. You read more journals and do more research than any other resident. You are a better teacher than any of us. You care more about the patients and their families than anyone else. You are always trying to improve and adapt and I admire that. You are great and you are the best person for the job." She was staring down at her hands but he saw a small, disbelieving smile tug at the corner of her mouth. "It's true," he repeated firmly. "Screw what the American Board of Surgery thinks. You are a great surgeon."

"Jackson," she protested quietly. "What the American Board of Surgery thinks is kind of important."

"You had an off day," he reasoned. "You had a lot on your mind and that was my fault."

"No, Jackson, don't—" She abruptly stopped herself from talking and took a deep breath. "Let's not dwell, okay? Everything is fine. But I'm not going to Africa because I want to get away from you. I hate that I'm not going to see you every day."

"Me too," he agreed softly.

A silence followed his words and he finished the last of his drink. He sat up on the edge of his bed so that he could face her. "I need to know."

"You need to know what?" April asked curiously.

"I need to talk about it," he confessed. "Why you kissed me?" He questioned quietly. "Why you wanted to…? Why you let me…?"

She still really didn't want to talk about this. "I don't know," she shrugged.

"Come on April," he began angrily. "Be honest with me." He really needed to know if she had feelings for him too and that it wasn't just a misguided impulse. "You don't do anything without knowing why you're doing it."

"I dunno, I j-ust, I," she stammered before she took a deep breath. There were a lot of reasons why she had done what she did but they all had the same roots. "I guess I just wanted to know what it was like to be that girl for once in my life."

Jackson furrowed his brow in confusion. "What girl?"

Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment and she avoided his penetrating, heated gaze. "The girl that someone wants in that way. The girl that you want in that way."

"April—"

She abruptly cut him off because she couldn't bear to hear his response. "I know, it's pathetic, you don't have to tell me, and I'm sorry that it happened."

"So, you still regret it?" He asked tentatively. "Because you had sex before marriage or because it felt good?"

She sighed as she moved to sit next to him on the bed. "Both I guess," she confessed. It wasn't just that they weren't married. They weren't in love. They weren't dating. They didn't even feel the same way about each other. She also felt guilty because he was so perfect and she didn't regret the fact that it had been with him. "And because I always hoped it would be with someone like you. Smart, and kind, and sweet."

He shifted closer to her until their legs were touching. "Someone who loves you," he added quietly.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Well, I thought that it would in the romantic, 'I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you' way, not the 'you're crazy and needy but you're my best friend so I love you anyway' way." She laughed at her own joke but when she turned to Jackson she saw that he didn't look very amused. She bumped his knee with her own. "That was supposed to be funny."

Is that really how she thought he saw her? Like their friendship was some kind of burden? Because that was not how he saw her at all. "I don't think you're crazy or needy. I think that you're…" His voice trailed off as he brought his face closer to hers.

"I'm what?" She breathed as she leaned in towards him. The last time that they had been this close she had accused him of only wanting to kiss her because he felt guilty. There wasn't a trace of pity or guilt in his expression now. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before. He was looking at her so intensely that it made her whole body warm.

April violently jumped away from him when his bedroom door burst open. "People are starting to leave. You guys gonna come out and say goodbye and help me clean up?" Alex asked impatiently from the doorway.

"Oh! Yeah! Of course!" April exclaimed as she scrambled to her feet and out the door.

Alex turned to Jackson with a puzzled look on his face. "What's up with her?"

Jackson clenched his fists and sighed in frustration. "Maybe I'd know if it wasn't for you." He stood up and angrily stormed past Alex and out of his room.

* * *

After cleaning up their apartment in an awkward silence, the three roommates decided to call it a night. Jackson was not at all happy with the night's events so he decided to take a shower to sober up and unwind before going to bed. He walked into the bathroom with a towel around his waist and found April at the bathroom sink.

"I'm almost done," she told him quietly.

"Take your time," he replied. He noticed that she wouldn't even make eye contact with him in the mirror. He walked up to her and watched her go through her bedtime routine. He had seen numerous women do the very same things that she was doing but he just couldn't take his eyes off of her. "You're really beautiful."

She stopped what she was doing at his words. She was wearing her pink bathrobe, her hair was in a messy ponytail, and her face was clean of any makeup. The last thing that she was right now was beautiful. She turned to face him and she wasn't sure where to look. His eyes were very intense again and she wasn't sure if she could bear to make eye contact with him. But he was practically naked and staring at his perfect body only made her think very inappropriate things.

"I've known you for five years and I've always thought so but I've never told you," he continued. "So you should know that I think you're beautiful."

"Thank you," she managed to squeak out as she firmly looked over his shoulder.

He gently placed his hand under her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. She was acting very uneasy, like she was about to bolt any minute. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'd be better if you were wearing clothes," she laughed awkwardly.

He smiled and cupped her jaw. The sexual tension in the room was rather apparent. "So what we were talking about earlier?"

"Yeah?" She tilted her head and gently placed her hands on his abdomen.

"I was going to say that I…" He leaned down with the intent of capturing her lips but at that moment Alex sleepily stumbled into the bathroom. Jackson took a step back from April and glared at his roommate.

"I gotta take a whiz, do you two mind?"

April shook her head, gathered her things, and quickly left the bathroom. Jackson closed his eyes and groaned.

"What is going on between you two?" Alex asked nosily.

Jackson ignored him and left the room to give him some privacy. As he waited in the hallway, he noticed that April had already closed her bedroom door to signal that she was gone to bed. He had been avoiding her before but now it felt like she kept running away from him.

* * *

Jackson knocked on April's closed bedroom door and waited patiently for her to answer. He awkwardly shifted his feet as he heard movement on the other side of the door. This wasn't his most thought out plan but he just wasn't able to leave things the way that they had earlier. It was clear that they would have kissed, on two separate occasions, if they had not been interrupted. He needed to make his intentions clear. He was running out of time.

The door finally opened and April poked her head out. She looked sleepy, and very cute. "Jackson? What are you doing? It's the middle of the night."

"I, um," he looked down at the books in his hands, "just found these in my room and I figured you would want them back."

She smiled softly as he extended the battered copies of a few novels that she had loaned him. "I want you to keep them." She was sending most of her books home to her parents anyway and it would make her happy to know that Jackson had some of her novels.

"Oh, okay thanks." He chuckled as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "This was my excuse to wake you up," he confessed. "Can we talk?"

She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded hesitantly. She opened the door wider and he stepped inside.

There was a palpable tension as he stood in the middle of the room while she closed her door again and flicked on her light. He had been in her bedroom countless times but things were different now. Before San Francisco, it wouldn't even have fazed him to be in her room this late at night and the sight of her turned down bed certainly wouldn't have bothered him. He laid the books on top of one of the many cardboard boxes in the room.

"You can sit on the bed," she told him. It was a completely innocent suggestion but her cheeks flushed anyway.

She sat down on the end of her bed and pulled her feet up underneath her. He sat next to her and tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. She self-consciously smoothed down her hair and he laughed. "You look good dishevelled." She let out a quiet laugh and stared down at the floor. He scratched his head again and looked around the room. This had been a much easier conversation when he was intoxicated and riled up. He grazed his fingers along the back of her elegant neck. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth when she inhaled sharply.

She gasped at his light touch. "Jackson."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the side of her head, with his nose buried in her hair. She wouldn't make eye contact with him but he needed to tell her anyway. "I think that you're amazing," he whispered. "That's what I was going to say earlier. That I think you're amazing and you've been _that girl_ for me for longer than I should probably admit."

She pulled away from him so that she could look at him in disbelief, and so that she could think straight. She was not capable of coherent thought when he was touching her, and breathing on her neck, and sitting so close to her in just a pair of sweat pants.

"Jackson." She laughed a little at the absurdity of what he was telling her. "That doesn't make any sense at all." She stood up and nervously fiddled with the tie of her robe.

"That's why I felt guilty," he explained. "I felt guilty for wanting you so badly and for being so selfish when I knew that it wasn't really what you wanted. I did take advantage of you."

She stopped pacing and leaned her back against the wall to face him. She sighed in exasperation. "I already told you that you didn't take advantage of me. It was my idea and I wanted to. Are you sure about…all the other stuff you just said? You never said anything, you never…"

She shook her head and he smiled at her. He had expected doubt. "I've always been attracted to you, in one way or another; I mean it's the reason why we're such good friends. But April," he sighed, "we haven't been just friends for a while now, our friendship changed way before San Francisco."

She felt like she had liked him forever. Since Boxing Day of their intern year. They had worked Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and so many of the interns had celebrated on Boxing Day at her and Reed's apartment. The late, and impromptu, Christmas dinner had been the first time that she had seen the real Jackson Avery, and not just the devastatingly good-looking guy that projected unbridled confidence. That day he had revealed to her that he was one of _the _Averys, and that he was the family disappointment.

"There was always some reason why we were just friends," he continued. "I kinda talked myself into thinking that I didn't have a thing for you. Reed was scarily protective of you," he laughed. And she had had good reason to be. He knew of a few guys in their intern year, including himself, who had toyed with the idea of trying to take April Kepner to bed, but not one of them had possessed good intentions, including him.

"Then," he gulped, "we went through the merger and the shooting and you were all I had left and I knew that if I screwed things up with you then I wouldn't have anyone." So they became each other's rocks, best friends, and he truly valued her friendship more than anything. He had never had a friend like her.

"Then I found out that you were a virgin. And then I fell for Lexie and I thought that I had finally gotten it right." He scratched his head and took a deep breath before he revealed, "After I broke up with Lexie, I realized that I was looking for all the wrong things in a relationship. I realized that I just wanted to date my best friend. So I waited until a time when you wouldn't think that I was still hung up on Lexie, and I tried to figure out the right thing to say or the right time or place, but then you kissed me." He slowly got up off of the bed and stepped in front of her. "And I didn't want our first time together to be in a hotel room the night before the Boards but I loved it anyway, and so did you. I think that I might love you in the romantic, 'you're my best friend but I can't stop thinking about you' kind of way." He grinned as he used her phrasing from earlier in the night.

He gently ran the back of his fingers along her cheek and down her neck. "Say something," he pleaded quietly after what felt like an unbearable silence. She hadn't said anything in a very long time.

She rested both of her hands on his forearms and slowly moved them up his arms to his shoulders. She tilted her head to the side and bit down on her bottom lip before she said, "Pinch me."

He found her request to be rather odd but he complied none the less. She closed her eyes and he gently pinched her waist through her robe. She opened her eyes again and curiously examined her surroundings. "What was that about?" He asked with a smile.

"To make sure that I wasn't asleep and dreaming this," she replied embarrassed. She was awkward, and annoying, and mousy, and there was no way that he was actually saying these things to her.

"No, you're definitely awake," he whispered. He cradled her face in his hands and leaned down to _finally _kiss her again. Her arms tightened around his shoulders and she pulled his body closer to hers. However, he kept the action fairly innocent because he knew that was what she really needed. His mouth moved smoothly over hers with light pressure. No tongue and no expectations. "I just wanna kiss you, if that's okay," he said against her lips.

"Mmm, okay," she hummed inarticulately.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and carried her to her bed. He gently laid her down on the mattress, underneath her sheets, and positioned himself next to her on his side. He cupped her jaw and stroked her chin with his thumb as he continued to kiss her softly. Her palms were flat against his back and he felt an impatient pressure. He thought that it was unbelievably sexy that she got swept up in passion so easily but tonight was not the night. He kissed her once more before he pulled back to speak to her. "I don't want to have sex with you." A range of emotions crossed her face and he quickly corrected himself. "Well I do," he smiled, "just not tonight."

She didn't want to have sex tonight either. She was still way too immersed in feeling guilty for having unbelievable sex with him the first two times. But she was curious about his reasons. "Why?"

"Because I want you to feel good about me without all the horrible after thoughts." He propped his elbow up on the pillow beneath him and laid his head against his hand. "When we're together again, I don't want you to feel guilty for enjoying it," he whispered.

She noticed that he said when, not if, and it gave her chills. "That may take some time," she told him honestly.

"I can wait."

"We don't have a lot of time," she said astutely. He was leaving for Tulane in a few days and she was going to Africa in a week.

He dropped his hand to her waist and caressed her side. "Yeah," he breathed. That was an unfortunate truth but somehow it didn't make him as scared as he had expected. Would he miss her like crazy? Absolutely. But she had his heart and even going to Africa wasn't going to change that. When he told her that he could wait, he really meant it, and normally he was not the type of guy to wait around.

He leaned down to resume kissing her. She ran her hands along his shoulders and he shivered at her touch. He kept his hips a safe distance away from hers but he couldn't contain his smile when she hooked a leg around his waist to pull him closer.

He hadn't done this, kissing with no end goal in mind, in a very long time. But it felt so good just to hold her, and kiss her. He realized that he had wanted to do this for a very long time.

She tore her mouth away from his and he immediately asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She smiled as she saw the apprehensive look on his face. "I am. I'm just warm." She reached for the belt of her robe and began to untie it. "Can you help me take this off?"

Jackson helped her take off her robe and he haphazardly tossed it on the floor. She was wearing a light blue tank top and a pair of shorts with little cartoon characters on them. He grinned, "These are cute."

She looked down at her shorts in mild mortification. She had completely forgotten that she was wearing this particular pair. "Almost everything else is either packed or in the laundry," she explained.

"I told you they're cute," he chuckled.

They started kissing again and for a moment, he actually felt like they were in a serious, romantic relationship. Like they were just a couple leisurely making out in her bed. He wished that things were that uncomplicated between them. However, things between him and April were definitely not simple.

But they were uncomplicated and simple for the next couple of hours anyway. They kissed and touched and things remained very PG, like he had promised. Her hands trailed over his chest and arms, and down his back and every now and then she would kiss his neck. He loved the way that she kissed, soft but sure, and she had gorgeous lips, and he loved that she often gripped his face when she kissed him. And the little moans that emitted from the back of her throat really drove him crazy.

April sighed in contentment as Jackson placed a tender kiss on the corner of her jaw. She felt like she was being worshipped. He kissed her with such care and attentiveness. He touched her with such gentleness and reverence. His hand moved over her body innocently, touching her outer thigh and upper arm, or he would move to massage her waist or hip.

He was so patient, and perfect. She was lying next to a man that actually loved her. In the romantic kind of way. A part of her had truly believed that this would never happen for her, and she had never imagined that it would happen with him. But in the back of her mind, she was aware that this relationship had a swiftly approaching expiration date and it broke her heart. Maybe Jackson just wasn't part of God's plan for her.

She stretched her arms above her head and yawned. The act caused him to look at his watch and his eyes widened at the time. It was almost five o'clock in the morning. He looked down at her and smiled at her sleepy eyelids. "Do you want me to go?" He didn't want to go but she had not wanted him to sleep with her the last time so he figured that he needed to ask.

She shook her head and placed both of her hands on the sides of his face. "No, I want you to stay," she murmured.

The hand that had been rubbing her shoulder ran down her arm until his hand covered her own. He removed her hand from his face and entwined their fingers. "You sure?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'm sure."

He rolled onto his back and pulled her into his side. He wrapped an arm around her waist as she rested her head on his shoulder. Their hands were still clasped together and resting on his chest.

"This is nice," she muttered sleepily.

He smiled to himself as he pushed her hair out of her face.

* * *

Jackson awoke in the same exact position that he had fallen asleep in and he had never felt more content. He hoped that April felt the same way. He looked down at her and saw that she was still sleeping. A knock sounded on her door and April shifted fitfully. He carefully rolled her onto her other side and tucked the blankets up around her neck. He kissed her softly on the top of the head before he got out of her bed.

He opened the door to find a rather confused looking Karev. He looked up and down the hallway before realizing that he had indeed knocked on the right door. "What are you doing in Kepner's room?" He asked suspiciously.

Jackson ignored his question as he leaned on the door. "What's up?"

"The dude from Doctors without Borders called for Kepner. So I guess she has to call him whenever she wakes up." He handed Jackson the piece of paper that he had used to jot down the message. "Oh and we're starting to run outta food but there's leftover takeout in the fridge. I'm gonna go to the hospital to talk to Robbins."

"Okay, cool," Jackson replied. "Thanks Karev."

Karev nodded and turned to leave.

Jackson closed April's bedroom door and looked down at the paper in his hand. Karev had scribbled a phone number and the name Peter Wakely. The name sounded really familiar to him but he couldn't place it. He laid the paper on her dresser and slipped back into her bed. He was surprised to find April awake and alert.

"Hey," he smiled as he reached forward to stroke her cheek. "Do you want something to eat? A cup of coffee maybe?"

She shook her head and responded quietly, "Not right now. What did Alex want?"

"You need to call Doctors without Borders later. I put the note on your dresser."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"No problem." He waited a moment before he spoke again. "Hey, who's Peter Wakely?" He asked curiously.

"I went to Cornell with him," she answered as she stretched her arms above her head.

"Oh yeah," Jackson grinned. "I remember you talking about him now." Reed used to frequently tease her about Peter Wakely. "He's the guy that you caught polishing the bishop."

April's face flushed and she gently smacked his chest. "That was so embarrassing. Let's not talk about it." She and Peter had been very good friends in med school but she had had the unfortunate experiencing of walking into his apartment while he had been…pleasuring himself. She liked to pretend that it never happened.

Jackson chuckled, "Trust me it was more embarrassing for him than it was for you."

"I suppose," she conceded in a murmur. She rolled over onto her side and peered up at him from underneath her eyelashes. "What do you want to do today?" After all, he only had two days left in Seattle.

"Nothing," he smiled. "Absolutely nothing." He just wanted to lie here with her.

* * *

April awkwardly stood in the hallway and watched Jackson bring his luggage into the porch. "Are you sure you don't want me to bring you to the airport?" She asked for what felt like the millionth time.

"Yes, I'm sure," he told her softly. He knew that if she accompanied him to the airport then he'd never be able to get on the plane. He finished bringing his bags out of his room and stood next to the front door, waiting for his cab to arrive. He noticed that April looked rather forlorn so he opened his arms. "Come here."

She rushed towards him and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso. She rested her head against his chest and he tangled one hand in her hair while the other rubbed her back.

"We can still talk all the time," she stated hopefully. "That's what email is for."

"Yeah," he agreed weakly. "We can still talk."

She pulled back so she could look at him. "And I want you to…" She knew what she wanted to say but she didn't want to come off as presumptuous or sound like she was pushing him away. "I want you to date. I don't want you to be miserable down there. I want you to be happy."

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Okay," he responded sarcastically. She didn't seem to understand that he was more than fine with waiting. He realized that what he was waiting for was extraordinary and he was _ready_ to wait, and he was comforted by the fact that she wouldn't be presented with many dating opportunities where she was going. She playfully squeezed his waist and he laughed. "Okay, okay, I won't be miserable, I promise."

"Good," she whispered.

"Oh! I got you something."

She took a step backwards and looked at him in surprise. "You did?"

He nodded as he pulled a small, square box out of his jacket pocket. He passed it to her and she opened it tentatively. She smiled and felt tears sting the back of her eyes as she picked up the thin, gold chain with a Saint Luke medallion on the end.

He tenderly held her chin as he said, "I don't want anything happening to you over there."

"Thank you," she croaked as she wiped her eyes. Saint Luke was the patron saint of doctors, which meant Jackson had done his research. She had been having her doubts about whether or not he fully understood what her religion meant to her but this showed that he did. She pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes and roughly captured his lips. "Thank you," she repeated once she had ended the kiss.

"You're welcome," he smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it," she corrected. "And I have something for you." She pulled a sealed envelope out of the back pocket of her jeans and placed it in his hand. "Don't open it until you get on the plane, okay?"

He was puzzled but he still agreed to her terms. "Okay."

He tucked the envelope safely into his jacket pocket before he leaned down for another kiss. He wasn't sure when he would get another chance to do this so he was going to make it count. He cradled her face with both of his hands as he kissed her as sweetly, and passionately, as he could. She moaned and threw her arms around his neck as she opened her mouth to him. Every kiss they had shared up to this point had made her head spin, but this felt different somehow. It felt heavier, more monumental.

But it was interrupted by the sound of a car horn honking.

Jackson ended their long, intoxicating embrace but pressed his lips to hers in a series of short, soft kisses.

"That's your cab," she muttered against his lips.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know." He reluctantly pulled away from her and slung his laptop bag over his shoulder before picking up his large duffel bag. He had waited for this moment since he had started his internship and now that it was finally here, and he hated it, and it had everything to do with the woman standing in front of him. "Goodbye April."

"Bye Jackson. Good luck."

"You too. Be safe and I'll see you soon."

He shot her an optimistic smile before he opened the front door and stepped outside.

* * *

**A/N: I know that this chapter answered some questions but raised a whole lot more so please leave a review! :)**


	3. I Never Told You

**A/N: Honestly, the response to this story has completely shocked me and I'm thrilled that you all seem to be enjoying it!**

**A lot of you were freaking out about the envelope that April gave Jackson in Chapter 2 and I suggest that you re-read Chapter 1 because the answer is in there ;)**

**Enjoy the totally unplanned update!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always. I obviously do not own Grey's.**

* * *

_I see your blue eyes  
Every time I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong to when I'm not  
Around you  
It's like I'm not with me_

_But I never told you_  
_What I should have said_  
_No I never told you_  
_I just held it in_  
_And now I miss everything about you_  
_I can't believe I still want you_  
_After all the things we've been through_  
_I miss everything about you_

_- I Never Told You by Colbie Calliat_

* * *

_September 2012_

It had only been a few months but Jackson felt like he was settling into his new job quite well. At first, the Head of Plastics had been hard on him. The older man had wanted to make sure that he wasn't just the pretty boy protégée of Mark Sloan without any real potential (his exact words), but he had managed to gain his respect fairly quickly. He was working his ass off. He was completing flawless solo surgeries and he had good relationships with his coworkers, he was sharing an apartment with the ortho fellow. He had even found a New Orleans equivalent of Joe's bar.

But he missed April. He couldn't deny that. They had spent practically every day together for five years and now he was on his own. He missed working with her. He missed talking to her. And of course, he missed her because he was in love with her.

They stayed in contact via email but it just wasn't the same.

They had only been apart for three months but it felt like much longer.

He had just finished signing off on a chart when his cell phone rang. He pulled the small device out of his lab coat pocket and examined the caller ID. It was an unknown number but it had an Ohio area code. He only knew one person with a connection to Ohio.

He slipped into an on-call room and tried to manage his excitement as he answered the call. "Hello."

"_Hey Jackson." _

"April, hey," he breathed. He slowly lowered himself down to sit on the edge of a nearby bed. He had been hoping that it was her but he was still a little awestruck to hear her voice.

"_How are you?"_ She asked casually.

"I'm uh, I'm good, I'm fine," he stammered. "How are you? Why are you back in the States?" She wasn't supposed to be back until Christmas. There was a long silence and his heart clenched. "April, what's wrong?"

"_My Dad passed away,"_ she finally confessed through sobs. _"He had a heart attack."_

"Oh my God, April, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He immediately smacked his hand against his forehead for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn't okay, her father had just died. "Do you want me to come there?"

"_No, that's okay,"_ she replied quickly. _"All my family's here. I'm fine."_

He could tell that she wasn't fine but he didn't want to antagonize her. "Are you sure?"

"_Yeah, you stay and work. I just wanted to let you know and I didn't wanna put it in an email."_

"Okay," he responded tentatively. "Well call me anytime."

"_I will. Bye Jackson."_

"Bye." He held his phone to his ear long after she had hung up. He couldn't help but think that he should have told her that he loved her and that it was going to be okay.

He stayed on the bed for a long time before he finally decided what he wanted to do. He left the on-call room and quickly rushed to the Chief of Surgery's office.

"Where's the fire Avery?" Dr. Wallace asked pleasantly as he met the young plastic surgeon on his way out of his office.

"I need some time off," he explained as he tried to catch his breath.

"Why?" Wallace asked in concern.

"I know that it's really short notice but I need to go to Ohio."

* * *

April mindlessly washed the dishes as she gazed out through the kitchen window towards her family's cornfields. The living room was full of her relatives and she just wanted a little peace and quiet.

She was no stranger to death; she was a surgeon, and a trauma surgeon at that. She had also had many confrontations with her own mortality thanks to the many tragedies at Seattle Grace Mercy West. But this…this was different. It felt different because it was her father. She couldn't believe that he was gone. The farm just seemed so desolate without him.

She had no idea what her mother was going to do with all the land now. She didn't know if her mother was going to sell the property or if she was planning on keeping the farm hands on to harvest the corn, bail the hay, tend to the pigs and what not. It's not like her mother was capable of doing any of the labour herself, despite how lively and positive she acted, she was a sick woman. Karen Kepner was a pancreatic cancer survivor but April had a sneaking suspicion that the cancer was back and she just hadn't told them yet. But it was a hard thing to hide when one of your daughters was a doctor. Also, even if she sold their childhood home, April wasn't sure what her mother would do or where she would go. She was retired from teaching and she wouldn't stay in Moline without the farm. April wasn't residing in the country at the moment and when her contract with Doctors without Borders ended, things would be up in the air. Alice lived in Indianapolis and Kimmy lived in Chicago. Libby was the closest, she lived three hours away in Columbus, but she was raising five children.

Maybe when she passed her Boards she would try to get that fellowship at Case Western Reserve. At least that would put her in the same state as her mother. It was the least that she could do.

"Aunt April?" A small voice called.

April turned around and smiled at her niece. Seven year old Emma was Libby's middle child and she was absolutely adorable. Not that all of her nieces and nephews weren't adorable, it's just that Emma was timid and constantly overshadowed by her boisterous older brothers. "Yes, sweetie?"

"There's a strange man in the driveway. He just got out of a fancy car and he looks kinda nervous. He's really pretty though," she explained shyly.

April arched an eyebrow and dried her hands before she gently placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. "Let's go see." If it wasn't someone from town then it was probably just some salesman or something.

April walked out onto the front porch with her young niece and was taken aback by who she saw standing at the end of her driveway.

Emma looked up at her and smiled. "See, I told you he was pretty."

April couldn't help but chuckle at her niece's words. Apparently the effect that Jackson Avery had on women was not limited by age. "Stay here, honey," she said before she started to walk down the front steps and towards Jackson. He was standing next to a sleek, black Porsche and he was fiddling with the middle button of his suit jacket. He was wearing a grey suit, a white button up shirt, and a pale pink tie. He looked quite handsome.

"I don't mean to show up here looking like a total douchebag," he started to rant when she was within five feet of him. "I'm wearing a suit because the only ticket I could get last minute was first class and this car was the only one left to rent, and I—"

She cut him off by pulling him down for a kiss. She was so happy to see him and she didn't know any other way to express it. She threaded her arms around his neck and he placed his hands on her slender waist. She pulled away from his mouth with a gasp and pressed her forehead against his. "You really didn't have to come here," she whispered.

He smiled as he brought a hand up to stroke her cheek. "Yes, I did." He knew that he wouldn't have been able to go about business as usual at Tulane while she was here in Ohio grieving.

She ran her hands over his shoulders and down to the lapels of his obviously expensive suit. She gently tugged on the material as she smiled softly and said, "Well, I am glad that you're here. Do you want to come inside?"

"Yeah," he nodded. He smiled to himself when she placed her hand in his and led him towards the inviting, white farmhouse.

Jackson knew that April had a big family but he was mentally unprepared for the number of faces that turned towards him when he stepped through the front door. He had never met any of April's family before but in a flurry of introductions, he met April's three sisters, her brothers-in-law, a few aunts and uncles, cousins, and many nieces and nephews. She simply presented him as Jackson Avery and so all of the Kepners looked at him as if they were trying to figure him out. Was he a friend? Was he a boyfriend? Was he just an asshole wearing a four hundred dollar suit?

A woman who had to be Karen Kepner approached him and hugged him without warning. "I've heard so much about you. It's so nice of you to come."

"Mrs. Kepner," he spoke softly. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

She smiled sadly, "Thank you."

April tilted her head towards the kitchen and he followed her without a word. He was kind of glad to be out of the living room. He wasn't used to big families, it was a little overwhelming. She walked towards the sink and he stood beside her.

"There are a lot of you guys," he stated lamely.

"Yeah," she replied with a weak smile. There was a silence before she turned to him and genuinely laughed. "Just don't tell any of them that you played football for Texas A&M."

"Right," he chuckled, "because being affiliated with anyone other than Ohio State is blasphemy."

"Exactly," she nodded.

They quietly laughed together and it felt like the first time she had laughed in days. God, she was happy that he was here.

Jackson felt a tug on his plant leg and he looked down curiously. "Why hello there," he greeted the two little red-headed girls at his feet.

"Jackson," April smiled. "This is Emma and Susan."

He knelt down so that he was face to face with the two munchkins. "Hi Emma and Susan."

The sisters whispered and giggled conspiratorially before Emma turned to Jackson and stated matter-of-factly, "You kissed Aunt April."

Jackson glanced up at April and grinned before he turned back to the girls. "Well Aunt April is very pretty, isn't she?"

The little girls giggled again before they scurried out of the kitchen, most likely to tell their mother what had just happened.

Jackson stood up straight once again and placed a hand on the small of April's back. She was blushing profusely and was trying to hide it with her long hair. "Sorry," he muttered. "If you didn't want anyone to know about us, I can—"

She cut him off yet again with a kiss. She held his face and softly sucked on his bottom lip. "I love you," she murmured. She kissed him again before she pulled back and stared at him nervously.

"What?" He questioned in surprise.

"You told me you loved me in Seattle and I never said anything, but I love you too. I didn't want to write it in an email."

She had spent almost every second of her down time in Kenya rethinking their relationship. She had tried to convince herself that it was all in her head, that his feelings for her, and in turn, her feelings for him, were fabricated. But she hadn't stopped thinking about him. She felt out of place without him in her life and seeing him today, showing up on her doorstep while she was grieving the loss of her father, had proven to her that her feelings were very strong and very real, and perhaps his were too. He had come all the way from New Orleans for her. And she had waited long enough to say those three words to him. She had been terrified to utter them aloud, until now.

"I missed you," she added.

"I missed you too," he responded. "And I love you too."

He leaned forward to kiss her but the sound of footsteps stopped him. Kimmy's husband, Jerry, and April's youngest sister, Alice, appeared in the kitchen.

The man eyed Jackson suspiciously. "Are you alright April?" He asked protectively. He didn't like the look of the city boy sidled up to his sister-in-law. He had known April longer than he had known his wife; they had been in the same class all throughout school. She really felt like his sister.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I'm fine."

Alice, who had been born deaf, signed something to her sister which caused her to blush. Jackson tried to follow but his knowledge of American Sign Language was very limited. April quickly replied and Jackson smiled, there was something about it that he found very attractive.

"What are you two talking about?" He asked curiously.

April turned to him, her cheeks still tinged red. "Nothing." The truth was that Alice had suggested, through very colorful sign language, that Jackson Avery's presence meant that she was much more than fine.

"Well, I think that it's probably time for dinner," Jerry said as he signed along with his words.

"Agreed," April nodded. "I'll start laying some of the food out." People from around town that had known her father had already brought them so much food that they wouldn't have to cook for days.

"I'll help," Jackson offered politely.

* * *

Jackson didn't know much about funerals. He had lost his father so young, it had been just him and his mother for so long, that he really couldn't remember much about when his father had died. He also didn't know much about church or religion. In fact, he didn't even really know where he stood on the whole issue of God. However, he knew that it was important to April, and the entire Kepner family, so he sat in a pew in Moline's Episcopalian Church and held April's hand throughout Joe Kepner's funeral. He listened diligently to the service and attempted to sing along to the hymns.

April didn't cry, which surprised him, and so a part of him was waiting for her to break down.

When everyone returned to the Kepner farmhouse, she disappeared and he found her sitting on the swing set in the backyard. He watched her for a moment, she looked sad but beautiful. She was wearing a long-sleeved black dress and her auburn hair was down and curled. He took a seat on the swing next to her but faced the opposite way so that he could carefully watch her face. He didn't say anything; he patiently waited for her to speak first.

"I was a bit of a Daddy's girl, that probably doesn't surprise you," she stated eventually. "He used to joke with me that I was the perfect daughter, I think it was because I was the easy one to raise, ya know. Libby has always been stubborn and opinionated, Kimmy was always getting into trouble, and Alice's deafness obviously posed a problem until we all learned sign language. When I first started at Mercy West, he just couldn't stop bragging to everyone that he talked to that his daughter was going to be a surgeon. It was so embarrassing," she reminisced with a smile.

"He was proud of you," Jackson said simply.

"Yeah, he was," she nodded. "He was even proud that I was going to Africa. Mom worries about me and Libby thinks that I'm running away from my problems, but he thought that it was noble."

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as he smiled. "It is noble…and brave."

She met his gaze and her cheeks flushed. "Thank you."

"Do you like it over there?" He inquired. They had discussed the topic many times over email but he wanted to converse about it in person.

"I do, I really do," she answered assertively. "I can actually see that I'm making a difference, ya know?" He nodded and so she reached out to him and entwined her fingers with his. "I'm not operating every day like residency but I see a lot of different things and I'm working on writing some journal articles." The bottom line was that she was still practicing medicine and it felt amazing.

"That's great," he replied truthfully. He was glad that she felt content with her work.

"I know that I already said this but I'm happy that you're here," she declared after a moment. His mere presence had done wonders at the funeral. She was positive that if he hadn't have been there she would have been a blubbering mess. He had even attempted to sing, even though he was completely tone deaf.

He carefully brought his swing closer to hers and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. "I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else," he told her sincerely. He grazed his nose along the side of her face as his mouth moved to her ear. "And your Dad had every reason to be ridiculously proud of you."

* * *

April lay on a cot bed in her childhood bedroom and stared at one of her NSYNC posters. They had a full house so nieces occupied her bed and Jackson was sleeping on the living room couch. She had managed to stay away from him last night but after such a mentally and emotionally exhausting day, she just wanted to lie in his arms.

She quietly crept out of the room and down the stairs. She didn't even bother to grab a robe to hide her tank top and shorts. Jackson had seen her in fewer clothes after all.

She stood in front of the worn out sofa and awkwardly smiled down at Jackson. He wasn't asleep either. Her mother had given him a number of blankets but only one thin quilt covered his body.

"Can't sleep?" He asked softly. She shook her head so he opened his arms invitingly. "Wanna lie with me?" She simply nodded and moved to lie on the sofa beside him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and placed a soft kiss on her temple. "You okay?"

"Yes…no…I don't know," she answered quietly.

He gently rubbed her back as he responded, "You're allowed not to be okay, you just lost your Dad."

Their conversation on the swing set had continued for a few hours and he had learned that April believed that her Mom was sick again. On top of that, Kimmy needed money, Libby wouldn't stop badgering her about her life decisions, and Alice wanted her favourite older sister to come back from Africa and live in the Midwest. She had a lot on her plate; she was allowed to be upset.

She cuddled into his chest and pressed her face against his neck. His smell alone was comforting. "Do you remember much?" She whispered. "About your Dad, I mean?"

"No," he answered. "I was only five when he died."

At least she had gotten thirty years with her father. "How did he die?" She asked interestedly. They had never really talked about his father. It was a slightly taboo subject. She had wanted to ask about him this afternoon but she hadn't mustered up the nerve.

"Massive heart attack. He was a heavy smoker and he ate whatever he wanted. Plus he was pretty stressed out all the time. Grandpa made him that way."

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"It's okay," he smiled.

"Your mother did a great job raising you. You're practically perfect."

He chuckled and teased, "_Practically_?"

She laughed softly and played with the material of his t-shirt. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she felt something beneath it. He normally didn't wear any kind of jewellery so she was curious about what had changed his mind. "What's this?" She probed. He shied away from her and she let out a small giggle. She had never seen him look so bashful. "Jackson, what are you embarrassed about?"

"It's the ring you gave me," he admitted sheepishly.

She smiled as he pulled it out from underneath his shirt and placed it in her hand. It was the gold purity ring that her father had given her on a silver chain. "You wear this?"

"Yeah, all the time," he answered. "It's kinda become a good luck charm."

She felt tears slide down her cheeks but Jackson quickly wiped them away with his thumb. She was truly touched. He wasn't always the best at verbally expressing his feelings but his actions spoke volumes. She placed her hand on the side of his face and softly pressed her lips against his. The kiss turned passionate and she entwined her legs with his but he pulled away from her and shook his head. His hands gently gripped her waist and he held her as far away from him as possible, unfortunately the couch wasn't that big.

"What's wrong?" She asked in a shaky voice. "You don't wanna be with me?"

He moved a hand up to caress her cheek. "Of course I do, but you're hurting right now and trust me, sex is not the answer." He didn't want her to regret being with him again.

"But I don't wanna feel like this," she argued in a tear laden voice.

"I know, I know," he whispered as he rubbed her back and kissed her forehead and her cheeks. "Just let it out."

After a few moments of silence, she really let go and cried against his chest. He held her close and whispered words of comfort in her ear for the rest of the night.

* * *

Karen Kepner smiled to herself when she walked into the living room in the early morning light to find her second born splayed across Jackson Avery's chest. The two young love birds were fast asleep. She was ecstatic that April had finally found someone to give her heart to. She had so much to offer and Jackson Avery seemed worthy of her affections.

She padded into the kitchen and boiled water in the kettle for tea. It wasn't long before April awoke and walked into the kitchen, sleepily running a hand through her hair, with Jackson trailing behind her.

"Good morning Mrs. Kepner," he greeted respectfully.

"Good morning Jackson," she smiled. "And sweetheart."

Her daughter kissed her on the cheek on her way to the refrigerator. "We're out of orange juice…and milk," April stated dejectedly.

"I'll go get some," Jackson volunteered quickly.

"No, that's alright," April protested. "I'll go."

He shook his head before kissing her on the temple. "I remember passing the store on the way through town. I'll go," he stated firmly.

"Okay," she conceded with a sigh.

Jackson left the kitchen to change his clothes before he left the house and April turned back to her mother. "What?" She asked in confusion. Her mother was actually grinning at her.

"You seem happy with him is all. Are you happy?"

April chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to hide a smile. "Yeah, I am," she confessed.

"Good," Karen Kepner smiled brightly.

April cautiously approached her mother as she made herself a cup of tea. "Mom," she began softly. "Are you worried about how happy I am for a specific reason?" She paused. "Like maybe because you're sick again?"

Karen turned to April with a loving smile. "Too smart for your own good, I always said that about you."

"Mom," April choked out as she began to cry again.

The Kepner matriarch swept her daughter into a hug and stroked her hair. All of her daughters were grown women now but they were still her babies. "The Lord never gives you more than you can handle. You know that, honey," she said comfortingly.

April nodded against her mother's shoulder because she wanted to believe that what she was saying was true. It all just felt so unfair. She felt like God was testing her in the worst ways possible.

Karen took a step backwards and gently held her daughter's face. She decided to say something to cheer her up. "Your father would have adored that boy."

"Really?" April asked with an overjoyed smile.

She nodded, "Mm hm." Joe had been a man of few words but he would have taken one look at them together and given them a nod of approval. It was the way that he looked at her and the fact that he had hopped on a plane at a moment's notice for her. She had observed Jackson Avery's attentiveness since he had arrived and it was astounding. She was certain that her last single daughter had finally found the man that she was going to marry. "And I love him too."

* * *

Jackson walked into the small general store and couldn't help but feel like a fish in a fishbowl. The older gentleman behind the counter watched him closely as he headed towards the large coolers at the back of the store. He grabbed a two litre of orange juice and one of skim milk. He laid them on the counter next to the cash register and pulled his wallet from his back pocket.

"You're not from around here are ya, son?" The store owner asked.

"No, sir," Jackson chuckled. He supposed it was obvious, he hadn't seen one African-American in Moline.

"Where ya from?"

"I'm from Boston originally," he answered.

"So what brought ya to this part of the country?" The man probed nosily.

Jackson laughed to himself, April had been right about small town people but he had never experienced it before. They really were interested in everybody's business. "A funeral," he answered simply.

"Joe Kepner's funeral?" He countered with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Jackson nodded. "I know his daughter, April."

"The doctor?" The man asked with a slightly impressed tone to his voice.

"Yeah," Jackson smiled brightly. "The doctor."

April had also been correct about the amount that her father had bragged about her. She was kind of a celebrity in Moline; she was "the doctor". He grinned to himself as he handed the man a few bills. It hadn't taken him long to realize that he wanted to brag about April too.

* * *

**A/N: The earliest that the next update will be is this weekend. Please leave a review! :)**


	4. Drive By

**A/N: The response to this story continues to blow me away. A big thank you to each and every one of you. I hope that you enjoy the update! :)**

**Disclaimer: The usual.**

* * *

_And I loved you every mile you drove away  
But now here you are again  
So let's skip the "how you been"  
And get down to the "more than friends" at last_

_Oh but that one night_  
_Is still the highlight_  
_I didn't need you until I came to_  
_And I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell_  
_Because I really fell for you_

_- Drive By by Train_

* * *

_June 2013_

General fellow Ryan Collins walked up to Jackson at the nurses' station and lightly elbowed him in the side. "What's with the grin Avery?" He asked curiously. "I could even tell through your surgical mask that you couldn't stop smiling this morning."

Jackson laughed, "Just having a good day I guess."

Ortho fellow, and roommate, Lauren Reid scoffed and peeked around Jackson to meet Collins' gaze. "It's a_ really_ good day. His girlfriend is coming today."

"She's not my girlfriend," he corrected quickly. "We're friends. She's my best friend."

Lauren arched an eyebrow. "You guys email every day, Skype practically every second day, you talk on the phone whenever you get a chance, and I don't see any other women in your life. She's your girlfriend," she stated confidently.

"What? Are you stalking me now?" Jackson retorted.

His roommate simply shrugged. "You leave your bedroom door open. I hear things."

"Well she's my friend," he clarified. "We're not…ya know…actually together."

Well in his mind they were, but things had been confusing since Moline.

They had never defined themselves as anything more than friends, friends who had slept together twice over a year ago and have occasionally kissed since then. They had exchanged I love yous but they hadn't actually had the conversation. The "what are we now?" conversation. He wanted to be more…he wanted to be serious, committed…but he figured that if they were really together they would be a bit more…intimate. But since her father's funeral, in eight months of talking on the phone, over Skype, and writing emails, their communication remained very platonic. They still said I love you but it seemed so innocent, and they never breached the topic of sex. He wasn't sure what would happen when they reconnected in person. He hoped that they would _finally_, and fully, leave friendship behind. He was ready for more. It was probably pathetic how often he still thought of San Francisco.

"But I can't wait to see her," he admitted with a bright smile.

* * *

Jackson anxiously waited at the arrivals gate at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport. April's flight was delayed by twenty minutes and it was killing him. He had waited eight months; he should be able to wait twenty more minutes, but this was excruciating. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back onto his heels. He finally spotted her and a wide smile spread across his face. Before he knew it, she sprinted towards him, dropped her backpack, and jumped into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held on for dear life. She was lighter and thinner, she had definitely lost weight. Her hair was dark again and her skin was a little tanner but she was still his April.

April flung her arms around her best friend's shoulders and pressed her face against his neck. He still smelled the same. It was comfortable, familiar…safe. He was exactly the same, if anything, he looked even better than he did when she had seen him last. A little more toned. A little more facial hair. He looked sexy, which didn't really surprise her.

She finally spoke and whispered in his ear, "I'm glad you could pick me up from the airport."

He shivered when he felt her warm breath in his ear. He squeezed her tightly one more time before he gently placed her back on her feet and took a moment to reacquaint himself with every detail of her face. Pretty smile. Strong jawline. Dimples. Hazel eyes. Long eyelashes. Yeah, she was the same. "Of course," he smiled. He would have cleared his surgical schedule for her in a second. "I have your favourite ice cream waiting at my apartment."

She smiled excitedly. "I've been craving it for months."

He took her hand and threaded their fingers together and picked up her bag with his free hand. "Well let's go then. Do you have any checked baggage?"

"Nope! Just this!"

"Perfect," he smiled.

He led her out of the airport and towards his car. They chatted pleasantly as he drove to his apartment.

"So how were the Boards?" He inquired. After all, that was the main reason why she was back in the United States. She had taken the American Board of Surgery certifying exam for the second time in Denver this morning. The last time that he had been talking to her she had seemed confident but it was hard to tell how exam jitters would affect her. He had managed to refrain from texting her in between sessions just in case it would have freaked her out. The outcome meant as much to him as it did to her but he had tried not to put any pressure on her.

"I'll find out tonight," she chuckled. She quickly elaborated by saying, "I think it went well actually. Definitely better the second time."

He smiled, "That's great. That's really great."

"I ran into Lexie," she grinned excitedly. "We had dinner last night."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it was great to see someone from Seattle Grace. She's doing her neuro fellowship there, and her and Mark are getting married!"

"Yeah, they are," he laughed. He still talked to Mark Sloan regularly so he knew all about how happy he and Lexie were. It would be annoying if he wasn't so head over heels for a girl himself.

April seemed really happy too. Carefree. Excited. Relaxed. Her energy was infectious. She really seemed like she was back to herself.

He had no idea what her plans were for this weekend but he just wanted to kiss her. He didn't want to freak her out though.

Jackson opened the door of his apartment for her and she looked around curiously.

"It's not much," he muttered. "I'm actually looking around for a house."

"It's nice," she smiled. "Can I use your shower?" She asked after a pause. She felt so grimy from all of the travelling that she had been doing the past few days. And a hot shower would be perfect.

"Of course," he responded quickly.

He had a bathroom adjoined to his bedroom so he did his best to wait patiently while she showered. He would be lying if he said that it wasn't torturous for him, only a single door separated him from his wet and naked best friend…the woman that he was in love with. He heard the water shut off and minutes later she poked her head around the door and smiled at him sitting on the bed, mindlessly using the remote to flick through television channels.

"Can I have something to wear?" She asked sheepishly. "Most of the clothes in my bag are dirty."

"Sure," he nodded. He hopped off of the bed and grabbed a shirt and pair of pajama pants for her.

After she changed into his clothes, she grabbed her toiletry kit from her carry on and returned to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and then moved on to her hair. She smiled at Jackson in the mirror as he moved to stand behind her.

"You're a brunette again," he commented.

"Yeah," she laughed, "it's hard to manage your roots in Africa. I do need a haircut though."

He ran a hand through her hair and he noticed that she shivered at his touch. He didn't really care what she did with her hair; he thought that she looked good no matter what. Red-head, brunette, whatever, he thought that she was beautiful. "I haven't seen your hair this long in a very long time," he reminisced. It was well past her shoulder blades.

"Probably since we were interns," she supplied. She had kept her hair very long throughout high school, college, and med school. She had finally decided to shorten it about a month into her residency.

He watched her start to apply some sort of facial cream and he felt like he was back in their apartment in Seattle the night that they had thrown their end of residency party. No other woman looked as beautiful doing something so simple. He abruptly stopped his train of thought and plastered a smile on his face. "Do you want that ice cream now?"

She spun around to face him and neither one of them realized how close he had actually been standing to her. There was barely any room between them. She bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head. "I've kinda been craving something else more."

"What?" He asked curiously. Whatever it was he was sure that he had it. He had purchased all of her favourites and things that he figured she would be hankering for in preparation for her arrival. He had beer and scotch. He had the number for the best pizza place in his neighborhood on speed dial. He had tonnes of groceries in his refrigerator. He had rented her favourite movie. He was pretty sure that he had thought of it all.

"You," she whispered shyly.

His eyes widened in shock. That's not what he had expected her to say. But he wasted very little time before he dipped his head in order to gently capture her lips. She slipped her arms around his waist and pulled his body closer to hers.

"Are you sure?" He murmured.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she responded confidently. "I've had a lot of time to think and pray over there. I love you and I missed you."

She kissed him before he could respond and started to push him back into his bedroom.

Jackson fell back onto his bed and cautiously looked up at the woman hovering above him, straddling his waist. "You're sure that you're sure? You and Jesus will be cool if we do this?"

She smiled softly at his consideration, and his word choice. "Yeah," she answered as she started to unbutton his shirt. "I promise." She leaned down to kiss him and her long hair created a curtain between them and the rest of the room…it blocked out everything else. Nothing else mattered. "I want this. I'm ready."

He threaded both of his hands through her hair and kissed her passionately. "Okay," he whispered. After all, he wanted this more than anything.

* * *

April lovingly smiled up at Jackson as she repetitively trailed her hands over his back. He held himself above her by bracing his weight on his forearms which were placed on either side of her small frame. He smiled back at her elatedly and nuzzled his nose against hers. She giggled and started to run her feet along the back of his calves in timing with her hands. This was exactly how she wanted to feel after sex: satisfied, happy, cared for, and most importantly, guilt free. It was just as good as it had been the first two times, but better, no horrible afterthoughts.

"That was wonderful, thank you," she whispered.

He responded with a bright smile. "A year in the making."

She laughed and they kissed one more time before he moved to lie on his back on the other side of the bed. He smiled to himself when she immediately rolled into his side and rested her head on his chest. That had possibly been worth the year of waiting and longing…and fantasizing. It had been incredible, but they had never had a problem physically, they failed emotionally and so he couldn't help but feel anxious about her reaction.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked fearfully.

"Yeah, I'm great, just tired."

He smiled uncontrollably because he knew that her answer was genuine and honest this time. "I really missed you too," he confessed quietly. "Being a world apart is unbearable."

"I know," she agreed as she ran her index finger over his sculpted pecs and down his six pack abs.

"I at least want you in the same country as me." He would like to have her in New Orleans but he would settle for the continental United States.

She waited a second before she told him something that he already knew. "I have another year on my contract with Doctors without Borders."

"I know," he sighed.

"I can always visit."

She placed a kiss on his chest and smiled to herself as she worked her way up to his neck. He groaned as she nibbled on the taut skin of his throat and shifted on top of him. "And what would these visits entail?" He asked playfully.

She giggled as one of her hands cupped his jaw. "We can do…ya know…things."

"Mmm," he grinned, "I like things."

As good as the long distance relationship sex would be, he still would rather have her in his sight. He supposed he would have to wait just a little bit longer to get what he really wanted.

* * *

Jackson kissed the top of April's head before he carefully slipped out of his bed. She was fast asleep and he wanted her to rest while he made dinner. He was going to cook chicken parmesan, one of her favourites. He redressed and headed into the kitchen where he found Lauren.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile.

"Hey! Where's your houseguest?" She asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.

He turned his back to her as he gathered pots and pans from the cupboards. "She's asleep."

"Worn out?" Lauren asked with a chuckle. She noticed that her roommate continued to look for things for dinner and didn't even bother to argue with her or retort with a snappy comment. She playfully slapped his back until he spun around to face her. "Oh my God!" She laughed. "Look at your face! You guys got down and dirty!"

"Settle down," he laughed pleasantly.

She looked at her watch and smirked. "She's only been in town for a few hours."

Jackson grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm making dinner, want some?"

She shook her head. "Nah, I gotta head back to the hospital. Have a good night."

She left with a wink and Jackson returned her suggestive smirk with one of his own. "I will."

He wasn't in the kitchen much longer before he heard the soft padding of feet and April appeared in his old Texas A&M sweater. Her hair was dishevelled and her legs were completely bare. She looked cute and sexy, and everything in between.

"Are you making dinner?" She asked sleepily. He nodded as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. "Do you want any help?"

"Nope," he answered quickly. "I want you to relax. You can go back to bed if you want."

"Only if you come with me," she grinned.

He chuckled as she tugged on the end of his t-shirt. "But I was going to make chicken parmesan," he explained weakly. She started to pull him out of the kitchen and he followed along without much of a fight. "So you're not hungry?"

"Not right now," she smiled. "We can have a late dinner."

"Um, okay, if that's what you want."

They reached his bedroom and she spun around to smirk at him. "It is." She guided his shirt over his head and placed her hands on his bare stomach. She couldn't stop the satisfied smirk from gracing her face when he sucked in a breath at her touch. "We have a lot of time to make up for."

"So you want to have lots and lots of sex?" He questioned with a boyish grin.

She giggled as she planted kisses along his chest. "Yes."

He cupped the back of her neck and tilted her head back so that he could look into her eyes. "I love you," he whispered as he leaned forward to brush his nose against hers.

"I love you too," she replied before she kissed him.

* * *

After a lovely dinner, and another round of love making, April lay on her side in Jackson's bed with him spooning her from behind. He caressed her upper arm and kissed her shoulder as she stared at her phone lying on his bedside table.

"The results are probably in," he stated quietly.

"Yeah, probably," she agreed in a murmur.

"Are you gonna check?" He asked curiously as he soothingly trailed his fingers over her bare skin. She didn't answer him so he frowned to himself. "Do you want me to check for you?" He asked softly.

"No, I just need a second."

What if she failed again? She had no idea what she would do. She would have to wait another year to retake them _again_. And even so, who would want to associate themselves with a surgeon who failed the Boards _twice_. Just the thought alone was mortifyingly embarrassing. What would her family think of her? What would Jackson think of her?

"You passed," Jackson said positively. "I know you did."

"What if I didn't?" She asked dreadfully.

She supposed that it wouldn't be so bad; she could just continue to work for Doctors without Borders. She could teach. She could open up a general practice. She still had options; she would just have to give up on surgery.

"But I know you did," he smiled.

April rolled over onto her back and looked up at him sceptically. "Jackson," she groaned in annoyance. "Be realistic for a moment."

"Fine," Jackson sighed as he rolled his eyes. "If you didn't pass then it really isn't a big deal, you can just retake them again." He dipped his head to kiss her lips softly as one of his hands slipped beneath the bed sheets to stroke her hip. "If you don't check the results then I will," he warned in between kisses.

He reached towards his bedside table but she grabbed his arm to stop him. "Okay, okay, I'll check them, but you have to promise me something first." He tilted his head in interest so she continued, "That if I fail you won't give me that pitying look."

"Okay," he chuckled as he played along. "What do you want me to do then?"

"Tell me you love me."

"I do love you," he countered. "And regardless of the outcome, we can stay in this bed as long as you want." He grinned triumphantly as blush tinted her cheeks and she bit down on her bottom lip. "Now check your results."

She nodded definitively and took a deep breath. "Okay then." She grabbed her phone and finally worked up the courage to check her Boards results. She avoided Jackson's probing gaze and her eyes remained focused on the screen in front of her as she waited for her email to load.

She carelessly tossed her phone aside before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rolled him over onto his back.

"Good news or bad news?"

She grinned before she kissed him. "Good news. I passed!"

"Well let's celebrate then," he smirked.

* * *

The next day, April meandered around Jackson's apartment while he was at work. She did her laundry and caught up on some American television. It had been a while since she had spent the day doing nothing and it was nice. But she did miss Jackson. She would have rather spent the day in bed but they had barely left it yesterday. She supposed that her new level of comfort with sex was also accompanied by intense curiosity and impulsivity.

Horny would be the clinical term.

She showered and dressed before she had to leave his apartment to meet him at the hospital. They were going to have a drink with some of his new friends before they grabbed dinner. Jackson had made reservations at one of his newly favourite restaurants.

She patiently waited in the lobby and smiled when he approached her. She kissed him in greeting and said, "Tulane seems like a nice hospital."

"I can show you around tomorrow," he offered. He wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her out of the hospital. "You look really nice." He smiled as he slowly sized her up. She was wearing black jeans, a nice grey top, and her long hair was pulled back.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't bring anything fancier but I figured that what I wore to take my Boards was too much."

He laughed, "That's okay. I think you look great."

"How was your day?" She asked as they walked down the street.

"It was good. I rebuilt two septums and assisted on a nerve graft. I missed you though," he confessed. A large part of him felt guilty for having to spend the day working while she had so little time in New Orleans. The next time that she visited he would take time off.

"I missed you too. Your bed was very empty," she said seductively.

He stopped outside the door of the Tulane staff's favourite bar and looked down at April's mischievous grin and bright eyes. He wasn't sure why he was surprised by her flirting; he had been fifteen minutes late for rounds this morning because of her. If he was a resident he would have been scolded endlessly. "We're going to be getting our dinner to go aren't we?"

"Most likely," she giggled.

He grinned to himself as he opened the door for her. He was perfectly fine with that.

They walked into the bar and Jackson immediately spotted Lauren. Collins and Devon Mooney, the neuro fellow, weren't here yet. He approached his roommate with his arm still around April's waist and introduced them.

"Lauren Reid, this is April Kepner."

April smiled brightly and shook the blonde's hand. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Same," Lauren grinned. "Jackson just doesn't stop talking about you."

April turned to Jackson with a smile and saw that he was looking down at his shoes. She gently placed a hand on his chest as she said, "Can you order me a drink please? I need to go to the restroom."

Jackson nodded before he approached the bar. "I'll have a beer and a scotch please." Lauren smacked Jackson's arm once April was out of their sight. "What was that for?" Jackson asked incredulously as he rubbed his arm.

"You didn't tell me that your girlfriend, or whatever she is, is the most adorable woman I have ever seen in my life." She promptly straightened her top and smoothed down her hair.

"No," he began in disbelief as he eyed Lauren. "You can't have a lesbian crush on April. No."

"I'm sorry," she offered lamely. "It's the dimples." She paused before she added, "And the boobs."

Jackson rolled his eyes before he looked at her sternly. He should have predicted this. April was Lauren's type down to every last detail: smart, sweet, and a little shy with a great body and pretty eyes. His roommate probably would have had an aneurysm if April's hair was still red. "You're not allowed to flirt with her or do whatever it is you do, okay? My girlfriend is off limits." He had seen Lauren pick up straight women. She had a gift.

Lauren pouted but agreed. "Fine," she sighed, "but only because I like you." She smiled mischievously as a thought struck her. "You just called her your girlfriend."

"Yeah," Jackson smiled back. "I did. She's my girlfriend…we're together…whatever."

Lauren squealed in delight. "Yay! I'm happy for you! You looove her," she teased.

Jackson chuckled, "Yeah, I do. I love her."

Meanwhile, in the female washroom April was having a meltdown that rivalled the one she had in a San Francisco men's room during the first time she had taken the Boards. Jackson's "roommate" was one of the most attractive women she had ever seen. And she was smart, and funny, and she liked sports.

"Oh God," April panicked. "She's the perfect woman!"

And he was living with her! Jackson didn't exactly have the most impeccable track record when it came to female roommates. The only woman that he had lived with that he hadn't slept with was Meredith Grey!

She took a deep breath to compose herself before she left the bathroom. She really needed a drink to get through this evening.

* * *

Jackson had a pleasant evening, he thought that drinks with his friends had gone well and dinner had been nice, they had miraculously made it to the restaurant, but he couldn't help but notice that April seemed a little withdrawn.

He watched her closely from the bathroom as he brushed his teeth. She was sitting on his bed in his clothes playing with the television remote.

"_Survivor _is still on?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it is," he laughed.

"Wow," she whistled.

He chuckled as he finished in the bathroom and climbed behind her on the bed. "Did you have a good time tonight?" He asked as he placed a kiss on the back of her neck.

"Yeah it was nice. Dinner was great. Thank you."

He slipped his arms around her waist and worked his mouth up to her ear. "You are more than welcome." He smiled against her skin when she started to squirm underneath his touch. "Do you want to go to bed?" He asked in a whisper.

"Yes," she replied. "But I want to ask you something first."

"Go ahead."

She slipped out of his grasp and positioned herself on the bed so that they were sitting facing each other. "You and Lauren," she began tentatively. "You guys don't…I mean, you never…" She waved a hand in front of her as her words trailed off but Jackson did not seem to understand what she was trying to say. "God, Jackson," she sighed in frustration. "Have you slept with her?" He tossed his head back and laughed boisterously. She looked at him in disgust. "Jackson, this isn't funny."

"I'm sorry," he apologized through chuckles. He reached forward and gently took her hands in his. "Look, Lauren and I are good friends, and even if I wanted to, which I don't," he clarified quickly. "She doesn't see me that way, _at all_."

April arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "I doubt that."

Jackson ran a hand over his face as he continued to laugh. He couldn't help it; this situation was hilarious to him. "Let's put it this way, she's much more interested in you than she is in me." He watched April process the information and he grinned at the way her eyes widened when she pieced it together. "Yeah, she's gay."

"Oh! Oh!" She felt her cheeks flush with heat. Now she felt like an idiot. "I'm sorry," she apologized quietly.

"It's okay," he laughed. "I should have told you before." He leaned forward and kissed her passionately. "I'm the one that has something to worry about. She kinda has a thing for you."

She looked up at Jackson as he slowly pushed her onto her back and hovered above her. "Really?" She kissed him again before she said, "I'm flattered…I mean, she's beautiful."

He dropped his mouth to her neck. "You should stop talking before you put even dirtier thoughts in my head."

"Jackson!" She smacked his shoulder at what he was insinuating. "You're awful."

He merely grinned as he sat back on his heels so that he could pull her t-shirt off. "It's been a long year."

"Have you spent all year thinking about me?" She asked coyly. She started to tug on the end of his sweat pants with her feet as her hands pushed the waistband down over his hips.

"All the time," he confessed.

She smiled as she responded in kind. "Me too."

* * *

_July 2013_

Jackson was more than thrilled to be invited to Moline for Fourth of July celebrations, and April was happier than he had ever seen her. She was happy with work and that she got to stay in the United States until the end of the month. She was thankful that her mother was healthy after successfully fighting cancer for a second time and that she had decided to keep the Kepner family farm. Kimmy, Jerry, and their three kids had moved back to Moline to help out, they had also left Chicago due to financial troubles, but having more family near her mother set April's mind at ease.

And he hoped that he was also partially responsible for her happiness. He loved being in a serious relationship with April. The conversation was great. The sex was fantastic. Everything was perfect. It was all that he had hoped for and more.

He sat on the living room couch watching the Cleveland Indians game when she came bounding towards him.

"Wanna bale some hay?" April asked with a mischievous smile.

"Uhh," Jackson responded unsurely.

April laughed and gently smacked his chest. "I've been doing it my whole life, it's not that hard. You'll get the hang of it, I promise. I just gotta go upstairs and change."

Jackson looked down at himself and asked, "Do I need to change?"

She scrunched up her nose as she looked over his jeans and t-shirt. She stared at the midnight blue Nikes that he loved as she said, "You're gonna want to change your shoes."

"Okay," he nodded.

She ran up the stairs and while she was gone he did what he was told and borrowed a pair of Jerry's old boots to wear. He patiently waited in the porch and raised his head when he heard footsteps on the wooden staircase. He couldn't stop his eyes from roving over her when she came into view. She was wearing knee-high leather boots, blue jeans, and a white tank top underneath a red button up shirt. All she needed was a hat and she would be fully completing every cowgirl fantasy he had ever had. Although her hair was tied back with a bandana and that was pretty friggin' sexy too.

He smirked at her as she hopped off of the last step to stand in front of him. "How am I supposed to get any work done when you look like that?"

She frowned playfully, "I know that I look ridiculous but I'm not that distracting."

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her in to him. "Yes, you are," he replied, "Cuz you look really hot."

She arched an eyebrow in surprise. "You really think so?" He nodded as he moved one hand to play with a button on her shirt. "Why Jackson Avery, I had no idea." She giggled as he leaned down to kiss her but she pushed him away. "Tonight, I promise," she whispered. "I'll even keep this on."

He growled as she led him outside by the hand. "Now I'll be thinking about it all day," he whined.

She looked over her shoulder and winked at him. "It'll be worth the wait."

They spent the afternoon bailing hay and Jackson wasn't the only one distracted by April's outfit. One of the Kepner farm hands, Marty, who couldn't be any older than twenty-five, couldn't tear his eyes away from April's ass. Jackson thought about throwing something at him but he figured that wouldn't be very mature.

They were just finishing up when two of April's pre-teen nephews, Kyle and Nathan, rushed up to him.

"Aunt April told us you played college football," Kyle blurted out excitedly.

"I did," he nodded.

"Can you show us some routes?" Nathan asked with bright eyes as he tossed a football from one hand to the other.

Jackson looked to April to gauge her opinion. She smiled and nodded so he responded, "Yeah, sure."

He gave Marty a warning glare before he left to play football with the two boys.

It had been a while since he had tossed a ball around and he was kind of excited. They went to the Kepner's backyard and Jackson started to tell them stories from some of his games and tips that he had picked up in high school and during his years at Texas A&M. They hung on his every word like he was some kind of sports hero and he couldn't help but like it. He was an only child so he had never done this sort of thing with a sibling and he didn't have any nieces or nephews.

Maybe he and April could make more visits to Moline.

He wasn't sure how long he had being playing with Kyle and Nathan before April emerged from the house and sat on the back porch.

"Boys," she called. "Your mother wants you to wash up for dinner."

They both nodded and threw the football to Jackson before they obediently ran inside the house.

"We can play again after," April heard Kyle tell his little brother.

"Hey," Jackson smiled as he approached his girlfriend.

"Hey," she grinned back. "Now who's distracting?" He was sweating and his t-shirt was clinging to his body. He looked very masculine. She also couldn't deny that seeing him with children made her stomach flutter a little bit.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her into his arms. "It seems that we have a problem then," he whispered huskily.

She agreed with a hum and ran both of her hands along his shoulders. She really wanted to take him to the shower but she couldn't do that in her mother's home. "How about after dinner I'll show you where people in Moline go to park?"

He groaned as he placed a kiss on her jaw. "You're such a tease."

"It'll be worth the wait," she reiterated.

"I believe you," he said softly. "Because you've always been worth the wait."

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter will answer a lot of your questions, I assure you.**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	5. Shouldn't Be A Good In Goodbye

**A/N: Once again, thanks for all the reviews! I love reading all of the reviews for this story and hearing your theories, keep 'em coming! Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

_If I never loved you, if I never felt your kiss.  
If I never had you. I know that I still would have mourned you.  
I would have missed your smile.  
If it wasn't so worth it, this wouldn't be  
Oh this wouldn't be the bad before the worse and the storm before the storm._

_I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor._  
_This is the bend before the break._  
_This is the mercy not the grace._  
_This is the proof and not the faith I try to find._  
_There shouldn't be a good in goodbye._

_- Shouldn't Be A Good In Goodbye by Jason Walker_

* * *

_February 2014_

"Do we have to go to the wedding?" Jackson asked with a grin as he kissed April's bare back. "We can just stay here the whole weekend," he purposed suggestively. "In our own little world."

He was happy that Mark and Lexie were finally tying the knot but he would rather stay cooped up in this Seattle hotel room with his girlfriend who he hadn't seen in almost seven months. Skype sex was great but it just wasn't the same. They had barely been able to keep their hands off of each other when he had picked her up from the airport. Luckily, they had come directly to this room for a little privacy.

"Yes," she giggled. "Of course we have to go. I've been looking forward to this since I got the invitation, and it's going to be so nice to see everyone."

She was excited to see all of her old coworkers from Seattle Grace. Despite how much they had teased her, she was even excited to see Cristina and Alex. She wanted to hear all about her friends' fellowships. She wanted to know everything about Mayo, Hopkins, the Brigham, and their new lives.

She turned over to kiss her boyfriend softly on the lips before she slipped out of bed. She pulled his discarded t-shirt over her head before she went into the bathroom.

Jackson lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling as he waited for April to return. "Just five more months," he said to himself.

Five more months and her contract with Doctors without Borders would be over and she would be taking the trauma fellowship at Tulane. That was their plan: a life in New Orleans, and all that he had to do was wait five more months. He could do that. He had confidence in himself, and in their relationship. And he knew that April was worth the wait, she was so incredibly special.

April skipped back into the bedroom and jumped into his lap. She bent down and kissed him passionately. "I just love being back in Seattle," she whispered. "Don't you?"

"Yeah," he agreed as he sat up and his large hands encircled her waist.

"It's like coming home. I have a list of things I want to do if you don't mind."

He smiled brightly. "Of course I don't mind. What's on your list?"

"I want to stop by the hospital and Joe's, and say hi to Reed and Charles." Both of her friends were buried in Seattle and it had been far too long since she had paid her respects at the cemetery. She was also hoping that it rained while they were in the city. The rain in Africa felt very different and as weird as it sounded, she was longing for Seattle rain. "And ooh," she giggled excitedly, "let's order pizza from that great place that we used to order from."

"Lorenzo's," he supplied.

"Yeah," she laughed softly, "that place."

He leaned forward and began to kiss her neck. "That all sounds great, babe."

She ran her fingers along the back of his skull as she whispered, "Any time that I get to spend with you is great."

His hands tightened around her waist and he returned his mouth to hers. "I couldn't agree more." He slipped his tongue into her mouth as her hands trailed down his chest. He rolled her beneath him and she giggled as he pulled her legs around his waist. "Do we have time for one more round before we have to get ready?"

She hummed thoughtfully as her hands gripped his face. "Maybe," she murmured. "We probably shouldn't though," she added. However, as she spoke, she arched her back so that her hips brushed against his and she moved one of her hands to grasp the chain around his neck and tug him even closer to her.

He groaned and gently nipped her bottom lip between his teeth. "We could just get in the shower; kill two birds with one stone?"

"That sounds amazing," she moaned.

She tightened her arms around his neck as he slowly got out of the bed and to his feet with her in his arms. He carried her into the bathroom and didn't waste any time before turning on the water.

* * *

April finished curling her hair and applying her makeup, and once she was satisfied with her appearance, she left the bathroom and found Jackson sitting at the desk in the hotel room.

"Does this look okay?" She called out.

He spun around in his chair and a grin spread slowly across his face. "You look unbelievable."

She smiled as she did an exaggerated twirl. Her dress was dark purple, knee-length, and strapless. It wasn't very fancy but it was pretty. She slowly walked towards him and sat down on his knee. "You look really nice too," she complimented as she straightened his tie. He made a simple black suit look incredible.

Jackson leaned forward and eagerly claimed her mouth as she slipped her hands inside of his suit jacket. "Can I take you home tonight Dr. Kepner?" He asked playfully.

She giggled, "Yeah, I think that can be arranged."

He pulled her closer to his body and turned so that they were both facing his laptop, which was open on the desk before them. He placed a series of kisses on her cheek and down her neck before he gestured towards his computer screen. "This is the house I was telling you about."

Her gaze shifted excitedly as she flicked through the pictures that he had taken.

He placed a hand on her knee and caressed her bare, smooth skin as he spoke. "It's close to the hospital. Four bedrooms. Two bathrooms. A fireplace in the master bedroom. A huge backyard, there's even a pool."

"It's beautiful," she stated in awe.

"Do you love it?" He asked in a whisper as he glanced up at her. "Because I'm not buying it unless you love it."

She swallowed before she smiled shyly. "So, um, this would be like…_our_ house."

"Yeah," he nodded with a grin. "It's our house."

She placed a hand on his face and leaned in to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered. "And I love that house."

"Love you too," he responded before he intensified their embrace.

She pulled away with a gasp and stared at him elatedly. "Can we get a dog?" She asked with a high-pitched squeal.

He laughed loudly. "Yeah, we can get a dog."

* * *

Jackson sidled up to Mark with a wide smile and shook his hand. "Congratulations, man."

Jackson had been waiting for the right moment to approach his former mentor at his wedding reception. As the man of the hour, Mark Sloan had been in high demand and now he was finally free for a private conversation. He was taking a much needed break as his bride stood on the opposite side of the room talking to April.

"Thanks Avery," the groom grinned broadly. "This is actually the happiest day of my life."

Jackson smiled as he sipped from his glass of champagne. "I am beyond happy for you," he replied honestly. Lexie looked beautiful, Sofia was adorable in her little flower girl dress, and everyone seemed to be having a great time. He had always thought that Valentine's Day weddings were a little cheesy but they had pulled it off nicely. Mark and Lexie deserved this, he couldn't think of two people who deserved it more. It was easy to understand why Mark was so happy, and the smile on his face was genuine and contagious.

"This will be you and Kepner soon, eh?" Mark asked with a chuckle as he watched the women in their lives.

"What?" The younger plastic surgeon responded in confusion.

"Well you two have been together for a while now and you're obviously crazy about each other," he explained logically. "Marriage is the next step, right? You're probably planning on proposing soon?"

Jackson took another drink before he shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. I mean, I love April, and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, but I just don't think marriage is right for me. Averys don't do well in marriage." It was too stifling, or something. Sometimes just the thought of marriage made it hard for him to breathe. He shrugged, "We'll make it work though. We've been through too much not to."

Mark looked at him worriedly. "Are you sure?"

He nodded confidently. "Yeah, its 2014, people decide not to get married all the time. It's not a big deal."

"You do remember who you're dating though, don't you?" Mark pointed out. "She's _April Kepner_."

Jackson smiled softly, "She's not the same girl you remember. She's different now."

Mark pondered Avery's statement for a second. "Different or not, she's the kind of girl who wants to get married."

Jackson understood where Mark was coming from but he knew April better than anybody else, and they would approach the topic of marriage when the time was right. He really didn't see anything wrong with not getting married.

* * *

April stumbled into their hotel room with Jackson's hands around her midsection and his lips on her neck. He was always grabbier than normal after consuming a few drinks.

He kicked the door closed with his foot and growled into her skin. "You were the sexiest woman in that room."

April giggled at his embellished compliment. "Lexie looked absolutely beautiful. The whole wedding was beautiful. What did you think?"

"It was beautiful," he agreed. "Those two deserve it."

April smiled to herself as he continued to kiss her neck. At the end of June she would be moving to New Orleans. They would be working in the same hospital again. They were going to get a house together, one with four bedrooms…plenty of room for a family. She and Jackson could have a wedding like Mark and Lexie's any day now. They were definitely on that path.

A surge of emotions washed over her and she spun around so that she could face him. She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her mouth against his. "I love you so much Jackson Avery."

He smiled happily as he slipped his arms around her. "I love you too. In fact, I'm so into you that sometimes I don't think even you can see it. I can't wait until you move to New Orleans."

"Me either," she giggled. She started to loosen his tie as she spoke, "I hope that these next five months fly by."

"You're reading my mind," he growled before he lifted her into his arms and effortlessly deposited her on the bed.

* * *

_June 2014_

Peter Wakely stepped into April's tent and watched her pack away her things. He had seen her do it many times before but this time he knew that she wasn't coming back. He would probably never see her again.

"I'm going to miss you," he spoke softly. "You're one of the best doctors that I've ever had on my staff."

April raised her head and smiled brightly as her friend's smooth voice startled her. His voice had always been her favourite thing about him, and it was in stark contrast to his gangly, slightly awkward appearance. "Aww thanks, Peter."

She picked up the expensive camera that Jackson that gotten her for her birthday and snapped a photograph of him with an infectious laugh. She had tried to capture everything that she could about Africa, the kids, her new friends, and everything about Doctors without Borders before she left it behind. She had never taken so many pictures in her life. She was going to have dozens and dozens of photo albums.

"I'm going to miss you too," she told him with a smile.

He laughed inelegantly as the camera flash startled him and he pushed his glasses farther up his nose. She was smiling at him in that way that made him incredibly nervous. His eyes discreetly roved over her as she returned to packing. She was wearing a brown tank top, black shorts, and black sneakers. Her long, brown hair was pulled into a ponytail and her Saint Luke medallion was dangling from her neck. He found that she was so beautiful that he couldn't even look at her for too long.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "So there's no way that I can convince you to sign on for another year? Or to take that administrative job in New York?" He questioned hopefully.

She shook her head with a sad smile. "No, sorry, I think that Jackson would kill me," she chuckled.

Peter nodded in understanding. He had heard all about her boyfriend, and he had seen numerous pictures of them together. Jackson Avery was probably the most attractive guy that he had ever seen, no wonder he got a girl like her. He stepped closer to her and smiled. "Well it was really nice to work with you again." They had been lab partners once upon a time and they made a great team.

"Yeah," she smiled widely, "you too! I've really loved working for Doctors without Borders. Thanks for getting me in! I hope that my job at Tulane is even half as great as this."

She was looking forward to getting into an OR on a daily basis again and she was excited to run an ER again, and of course, there was Jackson, but she was going to miss working in Kenya for Doctors without Borders. It had been an incredible, life changing experience.

"Tulane is lucky to have you," he muttered.

When she had called him two years ago eager to find a job, he had been over the moon. It had been so long since he had seen her or heard her voice. It had been the best blast from the past that he could have ever hoped for. She was very different than the girl that he had known in med school but he hadn't been able to stop himself from falling for her, _again_. She was intelligent, kind, loyal, funny, and indescribably beautiful. He had been lost the moment that he had laid eyes on her when she had stepped off the plane in London to meet him before they had travelled to Kenya together for the first time. He had hoped that working together every day in such a different environment would lead to _something_, but she had a boyfriend. Of course she did.

"God, I'm an idiot," he sighed as he took a step backwards.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked in concern.

He shook his head and ran a hand through his messy, dark hair. "Nothing," he assured her. "I'm just such a sucker."

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "Why?"

"You know in med school, when you…"

He trailed off but she knew exactly what he was referring to. "Yes," she replied as she blushed.

He flushed as well and took another step away from her. "I was so embarrassed and I just couldn't believe my luck that it was you. Anybody but you I would have been okay with."

"Why?" She asked. "I mean, I didn't tell anyone." And she hadn't told any of their friends. The first person that she had told about that embarrassing incident had been Reed.

"Because I had such a crush on you," he confessed. "And I mean big, humiliating, name doodling, thought about you in the big, white dress, kind of crush."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. He had liked her while they were at Cornell? Then how come he had never asked her on a date or anything? They had been good friends; he could have said something to her. "Oh…I never knew that," she responded quietly.

"I know," he shrugged. He paused before he added, "And now I feel like that awkward geek who crushed on you for four years." He laughed self-deprecatingly as he turned away from her. "Pretty pathetic, huh? Me and you being together isn't even a remote possibility, in fact it's pretty laughable."

She frowned and her heart broke a little for him. He was such a great guy; she wasn't sure why he thought such awful things about himself. Any woman would be lucky to have his attention. "No, it's not," she said soothingly. "I have a boyfriend and I love him, but you're an amazing guy. I'm flattered…really."

He nodded as he slowly started to back out of her tent. He couldn't handle her pitying him.

"Peter," she whispered. "You should have told me," she finished after a moment. "Back in med school, you should have told me how you felt about me."

He gave her a wry smile. "Too late now."

* * *

_January 2015_

"Hey hot stuff!" Lauren greeted April as she approached the brunette at the nurses' station.

April chuckled as she signed off on a chart. She and Lauren were good friends now but sometimes the things she said still made her blush. "Hi Lauren, how is your morning going so far?"

"Pretty good," the blonde responded. "Although Avery is kinda making me nauseous because he can't stop talking about taking you to Switzerland. Why is he taking you on a trip in the middle of January anyway?" She inquired with a laugh.

"I have no idea," April replied honestly. She chewed on her bottom lip as she thoughtfully worked through a theory. Lauren was probably the best person to talk to about it; she was Jackson's best friend after all. "Do you think…um, maybe…do you think he might propose?"

Lauren grinned widely. "I think that's a definite possibility. He was asking me a bunch of questions about jewellery not too long ago."

April smiled uncontrollably and glanced down at her left hand. Engaged…just thinking the word made her stomach churn with excitement. But why else would he be so adamant about whisking her away? They had only just returned to work from Christmas holidays and neither of their birthdays was coming up. It was a little early to celebrate Valentine's Day and yet Jackson was going out of his way to plan a romantic getaway. He had to be planning a proposal, he just had to be.

* * *

April walked through the front door of their beautiful home in New Orleans and was immediately greeted by her adorable puppy and her perfect boyfriend.

"Hey babe," he grinned as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned down to kiss her while Brody excitedly jumped at their feet.

"Hey honey," April responded as she returned his kiss. She had needed to stay late at the hospital to finish some paperwork but she didn't mind staying late when she was greeted like this. He had even cooked dinner for her; she could smell something delicious wafting from the kitchen. "What did you make for dinner?"

"Spaghetti," he answered proudly.

She pulled away from him and removed her coat while he walked into the kitchen. After picking Brody up into her arms, she followed Jackson and watched him cook. She affectionately scratched their dog behind the ears as she asked, "Want any help?"

"Nope," he responded quickly. "Almost done, and the garlic bread is in the oven. You can open a bottle of wine if you want."

She hummed excitedly as she set Brody back on the floor. She did as he suggested and opened a bottle of wine before she stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso. "I can't wait for our trip," she murmured.

He turned around and lovingly ran a hand through her hair. "Me either," he smiled as his hand settled on her face. "Three more days. It's going to be incredible, I promise." He kissed her softly before he added, "Wait 'til you see what I have planned."

She grinned seductively as she began to fiddle with the end of his t-shirt. "Turn off the stove and oven," she ordered. "We're going to bed."

Jackson responded with a rather boyish facial expression. He loved it when she took charge.

* * *

They had been in Switzerland for four days, and still no proposal. Jackson had delivered everything that he had promised, the trip was romantic and incredible and adventurous, but proposal free. They had gone skiing, spent nights curled up by the fireplace, and had dined at incredible restaurants but she was starting to get frustrated. She wasn't sure what he was waiting for. He had no reason to be nervous; she was going to say yes. He just needed to pop the question already.

April sighed as she walked into their lavish hotel room with Jackson's hand on her back.

They had just returned from another wonderful dinner but Jackson could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. "What's wrong?" He inquired.

She turned to face him with a nervous smile. "I just keep getting the feeling that, uh, that…you're going to give me something but you keep chickening out…maybe?"

He smiled as he slipped his hands into his pockets. She had always been able to read him incredibly well. "Yeah," he admitted. "You caught me. I have been meaning to give you something but I'm not sure if you'll like it."

"I will," she assured him. "Of course I will."

"Okay," he smiled. He stepped up to her as he reached inside of his suit jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box.

He handed the box to her and she excitedly opened it. "Diamond earrings," she stated flatly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I was worried that they're a little too fancy for your taste but do you like them?"

"Uh huh," she replied as her voice broke. She turned her back to him and wiped away the tears that were starting to stream down her face. He brought her all the way to Switzerland to give her diamond earrings?

"April," he began worriedly. "Are you okay?" She spun around to face him and she was more upset than he had seen her in a very long time, possibly since the aftermath of San Francisco. He hadn't pictured the earrings producing this horrible of a response. "April? What's going on?"

She walked towards the king size bed and sat down on the edge. "I thought…I…I thought you were gonna propose."

He furrowed his brow in confusion as he knelt down in right of her. Her dress showed off her legs so he gently caressed her bare calves as he asked, "What would make you think that?"

"I dunno," she shrugged tearfully. "We've been together for almost two years now and we're really serious, we live together, and you brought me to Switzerland for no apparent reason. I just thought that was the reason."

"I just wanted to do something nice for you," he whispered softly. He gulped before he made the confession that had been a long time coming. "April, I don't want to get married."

"What?" She asked with wide, saucer-like eyes.

"I don't plan on getting married, ever," he told her honestly.

She tried to speak multiple times but she was incapable of producing any articulate sounds. He didn't want to get married? She had known him for almost eight years and she had never heard him talk about his anti-marriage views. She wasn't sure if she had ever been more shocked in her entire life.

"So you don't want to marry me?" She finally asked.

The expression on her face broke his heart so he reached a hand upwards to gently stroke her cheek. He sighed, "It's not that I don't want to marry _you_, I just don't want to get married. I don't know how to be somebody's husband. Averys don't do well in marriage. My parents, my grandparents, they both had disastrous marriages. It puts expectations on you that don't have to be there. I don't want to ruin what we have with all that pressure," he stated earnestly. Their life right now was perfect in his opinion. "I still want to be with you. I think I want to have kids with you."

She laughed humorlessly, "I can't have kids with you."

"Why not?"

She pushed his hands away from her and stood up. She walked towards the window and gazed out at the gorgeous, mountain view, with her back to him for a long time. "I can't have kids with a man who won't marry me," she finally stated. "I just can't. I don't believe in it. I need to be married."

Libby thought that it was bad enough that she was living with Jackson without being married. She couldn't even imagine what her family would think if she had children with Jackson out of wedlock. She wasn't sure what she would think of herself.

She protectively wrapped her arms around her stomach before she slowly turned around to face him. It was a sour consolation that he looked just as terrible as she felt. "How would we even raise kids together? We don't have the same foundation, we don't believe in the same things. You don't believe in marriage," she told him incredulously.

"We can deal with that when the time comes," he pleaded desperately.

She shook her head as she smiled at him weakly. "I don't think we can go anywhere from here. There's nowhere to go."

"What do you mean?" He questioned fearfully.

She licked her lips and looked down at her feet as she stayed silent for a long moment. She loved him, of that there was no doubt, and she loved their life together in New Orleans, but she couldn't keep going like this. It wasn't fair to either one of them. They didn't want the same things, and as he already knew, her faith was very important to her so this was an issue that she would not budge on, and it didn't seem like he was going to change his mind either.

After another second of thought, she uttered the words that she had never imagined herself saying to him.

"I think that we're over."

* * *

**A/N: Their story is not over though. There is one more chapter before we return to present time!**

**Fyi, I imagine Peter to sound a little like Luke Perry. Lol.**


	6. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and I apologize for the wait! Oh, and I keep forgetting to mention that I picture Lauren as a mixture of Carrie Underwood, Anna Camp, and Kate Hudson. Lol.**

**Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

_Baby who we are just didn't work  
But maybe we can leave with something out of all this hurt  
_

_Ain't gonna beg you to stay  
Ain't gotta ask you what's wrong  
Ain't no reason running after something already gone  
Take off your leavin' dress  
Let's do what we do best  
I guess everybody's got their way of moving on  
Girl rest your head one more time in my bed  
Love me like you loved me when you loved me  
And you didn't have to try_

_- Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye by Luke Bryan_

* * *

_February 2015_

Jackson lay on his back on his bed, in just his boxers, and stared up at the ceiling. He absentmindedly petted his dog as the small animal curled up beside him and laid his head on Jackson's abdomen. The dog whined and Jackson found it hard not to share his mood.

"I know, Brody, I know. I miss her too." The golden retriever stared at him and he sighed, "Why don't you call her then? She doesn't want to talk to me."

He missed April terribly. He hadn't been the same since she had packed up her things and left. Watching her leave was probably the single hardest thing he had ever had to do in his life. He had sat on his bed and watched helplessly as she completely removed herself from his life. She had even tried to give back the earrings that he had bought her, the Saint Luke medallion, and a few of his t-shirts that she had gotten accustomed to sleeping in. The look of hurt on his face must have been enough because he hadn't needed to say anything for her to quietly acquiesce to keep them.

He found it hard to go about his daily life without April. He found it hard to get up out of bed in the morning, which was probably why he was still lying in bed at three o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday.

After they had returned to New Orleans from their vacation in Switzerland, they had tried to talk it out. They had even stayed up nights talking, trying to understand each other even more than they already did. They had fully exhausted themselves but it hadn't achieved any positive results. They had really tried but it hadn't worked. They were like too immovable objects and their opinions hadn't changed. She wanted to get married and he didn't. He wanted everything else with her though and he thought that that particularly aspect would be an important factor _for_ them but instead it worked _against _them. She didn't want everything else with him if it didn't include marriage.

The worst part had been not knowing what to say to make her stay. He had been at a loss for words.

And now she was gone. She had left Tulane and New Orleans and had managed to get a job in New York, and now he was starting to wonder why he felt the way he did about marriage. He understood psychology and the fact that being an Avery had really messed him up when it came to his perspective on marriage and family but…

Surely a married life with April was better than any life without her?

He heard footsteps on his staircase and he figured that it had to be Lauren. She was the only person who had a key to his house.

The blonde stood in the doorway to his bedroom and looked at him lying in his bed sympathetically. "Jackson?" She called.

He turned his head so that he could see her and murmured, "Yeah?"

She stepped further into the room and dropped her bag and jacket on the floor. She sat down on the edge of his bed and Brody walked over to her. She petted the adorable dog as she asked, "Are you going to do anything else today?"

"I don't think so," he answered. "I don't really have anything to do."

"You could come for a run with me," she proposed. "We could go to the gym."

"Nah, I don't really feel like it," he responded dejectedly.

"Jackson," she sighed, "you have got to get out of this funk. I know that you're hurting but you either have to get her back or move on." Brody barked and she affectionately patted his head. "See, he agrees with me."

"Can't I just wallow for a while?" He asked pitifully.

Lauren frowned as she stared back at him. He was putting on a pretty brave face at the hospital, which wasn't easy to do considering that the entire staff knew that he and April had broken up and that she had fled the state. It wasn't affecting his performance at work but he barely left his house. He hadn't gone out for drinks with them since April had left but there was an empty bottle of scotch sitting on his bedside table.

She finally nodded. "Fine, but I'm going to go out and grab some food and a movie. I'm not going to let you wallow alone."

* * *

April walked around her brand new New York City apartment as she spoke to her sister Kimmy on the phone.

"Of course I still love him," she stated. "That's not the issue. The way that I feel about him…I've never felt this way about anyone, not even close."

"_But he never wants to get married?"_

"Nope," she sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Never, and I just can't help but think that it's me. He just doesn't want to marry _me_." She paused a second before she asked, "Do you remember Steve Brown?"

"_From high school?"_ Kimmy asked in confusion.

"Yeah. He told Brenda Sanderson that he never wanted to get married and so they broke up, and three years later, he married somebody else! You hear that story all the time," she groaned in frustration.

"_It happened to Carrie on_ Sex and the City_,"_ Kimmy added.

"Exactly," April sighed once again as she grabbed her purse off of her living room sofa. "Anyway, thanks for calling Kimmy, but I have to go."

"_Sure thing. Call me later, okay? Mom wants to talk to you."_

"I will. Bye."

She ended the call and dropped her cell phone into her purse. She knew that her family was worried about her but it was a little overwhelming, and exhausting, to explain the story to all of them. She still couldn't explain what had happened between her and Jackson without bawling like a baby. The wound was still fresh, and she couldn't stop thinking about the last conversation they had had and the things that he had said.

"_Marriage works for some people. I just don't think it's for me."_

She just couldn't understand it. She knew that Jackson would make an unbelievable husband but he just didn't see it that way. She knew that even though Jackson's father had died when he was still little, his parents hadn't had a very healthy marriage, and neither had his grandparents. He thought that it was some kind of Avery curse.

She had asked him if he had ever planned on telling her that he was against marriage and his response had shocked her.

"_I just assumed we were in the same place. You never brought up marriage either."_

She thought that he knew her better than anyone else but that statement proved otherwise. How could he not see that she wanted to get married? She had told him that she had been saving herself for the man that she was going to marry for God's sake! In her opinion she had made herself abundantly clear! She wanted to share her life with somebody. She wanted to be committed to another human being in every way possible: emotionally, legally, and in the eyes of God.

"_We're spending our lives together now! We're committed to each other now! We live together. We love each other. I don't want to be with anybody else! Why can't it just stay the way it is? We're happy now."_

Just thinking about that conversation brought fresh tears to her eyes. She couldn't just keep dating him forever. The longing for something more would kill her, the guilt would consume her. She had thought that he wanted everything that she wanted and the realization that he didn't was heartbreaking. So she had left. She had packed up all of her things, resigned from Tulane, and left New Orleans for good.

Thankfully, Columbia had wanted her enough when they had interviewed her for a fellowship that they had been willing to offer her a position at a moment's notice.

She had told Jackson that she would rather break up than spend the rest of their lives fighting. And she truly believed that. She missed him, she loved him, and she still wanted him, but she believed that breaking up was the best thing for the both of them. They were in different places…in fact, they were miles apart. It would be better for them if they stayed apart.

She locked her apartment door before heading to the Doctors without Borders office on Seventh Avenue. She had to go down there and talk to someone about the article that she had written for them about her experiences in Kenya. It was a piece that she was proud of and one that was going to get published in a national journal. She was very excited about it.

And the truth was that she needed something to get excited about. She hadn't started her new job at Columbia yet but she was looking forward to it.

At least she had her work.

She walked into their second floor office and approached the receptionist at the front desk. She opened her mouth to speak when a distinctive, familiar voice called her name from behind her. She spun around and a wide smile erupted on her face. "Peter!"

"Hey," he smiled back excitedly. "What are you doing here?"

She continued to smile as she approached him. "Well, the short story is that I'm here to talk about an article. The long story is that I live here now."

"In New York?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Me too," he grinned as he adjusted his glasses. "I just got a job as a peds attending at Columbia."

She playfully hit his shoulder as she giggled. "No way! I'm starting at Columbia next week!"

It would be so comforting to have a familiar face around the strange, new hospital. It would be nice to have a friend.

* * *

_March 2015_

"Here you go," April smiled as she brought Peter a cup of coffee. She sat next to him on her sofa and smiled as he flicked through a photo album that she had filled with pictures from her time in Kenya.

"These are great," he whispered in awe. "Takes me back."

"Me too," she agreed.

She and Peter had been spending a lot of time together since she had moved to New York and he was certainly helping to make her transition easier. They were strictly platonic but she knew that he wanted more. He had had feelings for her while they were at Cornell, he had admitted to wanting to be with her while they were in Kenya together, and she had never seen him date anyone. He barely even flirted with women. She wasn't blind; she noticed the way that he looked at her. She knew that she wasn't ready to move on from Jackson yet and she wasn't even sure if she had those kinds of feelings for Peter. She was going to have to let him down easy sooner or later.

Peter closed the photo album and laid it on the coffee table before he leaned back on her couch. He angled his body towards hers and turned to her with a smile. "How was the pit this afternoon?"

"Fairly slow," she answered truthfully. "The residents were able to handle everything." The caliber of the residents at Columbia amazed her, they were even better than they were at Seattle Grace. "How was your surgery on the eight-year-old?"

"Great," he grinned. "Perfect margins."

She took a sip from her coffee mug before she smiled brightly. "That's excellent."

Peter noticed a lock of hair fall in front of her face and he couldn't stop himself from reaching forward and tucking it behind her ear. "God, you are so beautiful."

April looked down at her lap and flushed as she bit down on her bottom lip. "Thanks," she replied coyly. She paused for a moment before she muttered, "Peter, I, uh, I know how you feel about me and I'm not ready for another relationship. I'm just not, and I have no idea when I will be."

"I know," he replied understandingly. "I'm just trying to be here for you."

"You are," she assured him. "And I am so thankful for your friendship, _so _thankful. You got me a job with Doctors without Borders and you're really helping me get used to New York."

He had grown up in New York City and both of his parents still lived here so he had been showing her around and helping her adjust to her new surroundings. He was invaluable to her, he truly was.

"I'm really happy to have you in my life," she continued as she delicately placed a hand on his knee. "Thanks for everything Peter."

"It's not a problem," he whispered. "I just wanna make sure that you know that you're worth it."

"Worth what?" She inquired quizzically.

"Worth anything," he smiled, "worth everything. If I ever had you I would never let you go."

The sincerity in his voice made her smile. He was such a genuinely wonderful person. "Peter, I think that you should know everything that happened between me and Jackson."

And so she told him everything. She didn't leave anything out. She told him about San Francisco, her virginity, and her relationship with God. She told him about their long distance relationship, the life that they had created in New Orleans, and finally, Jackson's views on marriage and family.

After her story, Peter responded, "I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

He tentatively reached forward and brushed a tear away from her eye.

"And I'm sorry that I'm crying," she laughed awkwardly.

He smiled at her sweetly. "It's okay. I know that you don't want another relationship right now and that you're not ready but can I at least give you something to think about?"

She raised a questioning eyebrow. "What?"

He scooted closer to her and tenderly cupped her face with both hands. He took a deep breath as he slowly brought his face closer to hers. This was a big moment for him; he had wanted to kiss her since he was twenty-two. He softly pressed his mouth against hers and was rewarded with a small gasp. He gave her a long kiss followed by two short ones and a final kiss to her cheek before he pulled away.

"Just something to think about," he stated with a sheepish smile. He brushed a hand through his hair and fixed his glasses. "Take as long as you need."

April covered her mouth with a hand as she stared at him in shock. She hadn't expected that and she hadn't expected to enjoy it as much as she did.

* * *

Jackson sighed as he ignored his cell phone vibrating in his pocket for the seventh time in an hour. His mother was calling him for some unknown reason and he had no desire to find out what she wanted. He didn't want to talk about April and he didn't want to talk about the Harper Avery Foundation. Those two things were his mother's favourite topics lately.

"Dr. Avery, I paged general for that consult you asked for," intern Garret Weston spoke as he approached the nurses' station.

"Thanks," Jackson nodded.

"No problem," the young man answered.

He felt his phone start to vibrate again and he groaned in frustration. He just wanted to practice medicine! He pulled his phone out of the pocket of his lab coat and tossed it to Weston. "Your new assignment is to deal with my mother."

The intern's eyes widened but he did as he was told. "Hello, Dr. Avery's phone."

Jackson could hear his mother's voice but he couldn't make out what she was saying.

"No, uh, I'm sorry Mrs. Avery…uh, I mean, Dr. Avery…your son, Dr. Avery is busy right now." Jackson gestured for him to explain more so he added, "Very busy, practicing medicine and doing incredible work."

"_Well I demand to speak with him!"_

Weston cringed before he replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am."

Jackson rolled his eyes and gloomily leaned on the counter of the nurses' station. His mother had never taken the word "no" well.

"Yes, I can give him a message," Weston stated. There was a pause before the intern spoke again. "Yes, I can ask him whether or not he wants to represent the Harper Avery Foundation at a benefit."

"No! No benefits," Jackson implored in a whisper.

"Um, actually," Weston began after his attendings' words, "his schedule is very full right now. I don't know if he'd be able to take time off." He nodded as he listened to the Dr. Avery he was talking to on the phone. "Uh huh…uh huh…I will tell him that it's a Doctors without Borders benefit."

Jackson quickly raised his head and stood up straight. His mother wanted him to represent the Foundation at a Doctors without Borders benefit?

"Yes, I will tell him that Dr. Kepner will be there," Weston spoke awkwardly. All of the interns knew not to talk about April Kepner around the plastics attending and he hoped that uttering her name wouldn't put him on scut duty for the next month.

Jackson held out his hand and the intern instantly gave him back his phone.

"Hi Mom, I just got out of surgery," he lied.

"_Yeah, sure you did. You heard the entire conversation I just had with that intern!"_

Jackson ignored her and pushed forward. "So, what's this about a Doctors without Borders benefit?"

He could practically hear his mother grinning on the other end of the call. _"Its next weekend in New York and a certain trauma surgeon will be in attendance."_

"I'll do it. I'm there. I'll represent the Foundation," he responded eagerly. "You're right; it is time for me to start to take a bigger role in the Harper Avery Foundation."

"_I thought that's what you'd say,"_ she replied smugly.

* * *

Jackson stood by the bar and nervously sipped his drink as he searched the large ballroom for April. She still wasn't here yet and he was starting to get worried. He hoped that something hadn't come up at the last minute, like some serious trauma or something. He had travelled all the way to New York and he desperately wanted to see her. He had never submitted to his mother's nagging so easily and they both knew that it had everything to do with his ex. He wanted her back. His goal was plain and simple, cut and dry, black and white…and this Doctors without Borders benefit was the perfect opportunity for him to see her again, and talk to her about _them_.

He had just purchased another drink when he saw her walk through the door. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes appreciated her. She looked stunning. She was wearing a short, form-fitting charcoal grey dress with matching stiletto heels. Her hair was auburn again and pulled up into a fancy up do. It felt like it had been so long since he had seen her that he had almost forgotten the effect that she had on him.

His eyes settled on the man standing next to her with his hand on her back and his hands clenched reflexively. "Who the hell is that?" He mumbled to himself. The guy was tall and skinny with styled dark hair and glasses. He was wearing a nice black suit and fancy shoes. He was a nerd but he was clearly doing well for himself and he was looking at April like she was his world.

The red-head spotted him and her eyes widened in shock before she forced a smile. She slowly approached him with that guy glued to her side.

"Hi Jackson," she whispered as she shyly made eye contact with him.

"Hey," he breathed. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks," she replied as she shifted her feet uncomfortably. "You?"

"I'm great. Tulane is great," he lied flawlessly.

There was a silence where they just stared at each other before April awkwardly chuckled and gestured towards Peter. "Where are my manners?" She asked rhetorically. "Jackson Avery, this is Peter Wakely."

The two men shook hands, each one of them knowing exactly who they were being introduced to and she could tell by the way that they were sizing each other up that they hated each other on principle. April had never been in a tenser situation. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her name being called. She spun around and waved at Dr. Marie Kendall, an OB/GYN that she had worked with in Kenya. "I'm going to go say hi," she told the two men before she cowardly scurried away.

"So, are you and April together?" Jackson questioned immediately after she had walked away. He had an agenda tonight and he didn't care if Peter Wakely knew about it.

"No," he answered slowly. "We're just friends."

"But you want her," Jackson stated matter-of-factly.

Peter stared back at him sternly. "I'm not going to deny it. She's unbelievable."

"Yeah, she is," he agreed. Peter scoffed and Jackson's eyes narrowed as anger flared inside of him. "What's that noise supposed to mean?"

"If you truly understood how unbelievable she is then you wouldn't have let her go," Peter argued as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks. In his mind, only an idiot wouldn't want to marry April Kepner. Only an idiot wouldn't want to call that woman their wife.

"Don't even presume to know how I feel about her," Jackson growled as he took a step closer to the man that was only a hair shorter than him.

Peter glanced up at the supposed golden child of plastic surgery and gulped before he firmly stood his ground and pushed his shoulders back. "She told me everything about you. I know _everything_, and I die when she so much as looks at me and you don't even care!"

Jackson's hands curled into fists but before he could do something that he would ultimately regret, April threaded her arm through Peter's and pulled him away.

"Come on," she muttered. "Everyone is sitting down to eat."

She looked at Jackson over her shoulder and shot him a look of disapproval. He had been about to hit Peter and she couldn't imagine why. Peter Wakely couldn't hurt a fly and he was incapable of being rude.

"What did you say to him?" She asked curiously once they were seated at their table.

"I, um, I told him how I feel about you," he admitted. "And he, uh, didn't take it well, obviously."

"Yeah, obviously," she repeated in a whisper.

She turned her head to find Jackson and she couldn't help but watch him as he made conversation with his tablemates.

* * *

After dinner and a bunch of speeches, Jackson took the first opportunity that he saw to talk to April alone. He followed her to the women's washroom and waited for a string of women to emerge from the room before he determinedly barged in. Once he realized that they were alone, he locked the door behind him.

April stepped out of the stall and came face to face with the very last person that she expected to see. "Jackson, what are you doing?" She asked in alarm.

"I just want to talk to you," he explained calmly.

April sighed as she washed her hands. She dried them and tossed away the paper towel before she spun around and leaned back against the bathroom sink. "What about?"

Jackson moved across the room so that he was facing her and he casually leaned his back against a pillar of one of the stalls. The moment was eerie déjà vu and they both recognized it.

"I miss you," he confessed.

"I miss you too," she retorted automatically. "And I miss Brody."

Jackson chuckled. "Yeah, he's miserable without you. He just mopes around the house."

She bit down on her bottom lip before she asked, "Are you miserable?"

He nodded as he took a cautious step forward. "Absolutely."

"Me too," she whispered as her voice broke. "I mean, I'm trying but it's not working." He tilted his head to the side and stared at her with his gorgeous blue-green eyes. "Don't look at me like that," she pleaded.

He smiled wryly. "I don't know any other way to look at you." He reached forward and lightly touched her chin before he spoke again. "I knew that you wanted to get married, of course I did, you're you," he laughed humorlessly. "I just couldn't bring it up because I was afraid of losing you. I didn't want to lose you. I _don't _want to lose you."

She grasped the lapels of his suit jacket and exhaled heavily. "I think that you need a little faith."

He wasn't entirely sure what she meant but he knew that she was right. He took another step forward and gently pressed the front of his body against hers. He licked his lips as he stared down at her pretty face. He smiled widely when he noticed something very special about her appearance. He raised a hand to cup her cheek and his fingers reached to graze her earlobe.

"You're wearing the earrings I got you."

"Yeah," she smiled. "They're beautiful, and they really go with this outfit," she finished with a chuckle.

"You look so sexy," he told her huskily. He gave her time to push him away before he kissed her assertively. He lifted her off of her feet and sat her down on the edge of the counter as his arms tightly wrapped around her. She gasped into his mouth and her arms entwined around his neck. "I love you," he said against her mouth.

"I love you too," she moaned. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Jackson lay on his side and watched April peacefully sleep. She looked so cute and he couldn't help himself from running his fingers down her bare arm. He kissed the top of her head before he silently slipped out of bed. He pulled his clothes back on as he looked at her regretfully.

He couldn't believe that he had just done that to her. It had been so satisfying and amazing, and every other adjective that he could think of but he should have restrained himself. They had never done a very good job of staying away from each other and this was just another example. They were physically drawn to each other, even when they fought it…but this was the one time when he should have stayed away from her. He couldn't give her what she wanted and she deserved to have everything that she wanted.

And he couldn't give it to her so what the hell was he doing? Maybe this was his way of achieving closure. Maybe he had needed to be with her one last time before he could really let her go. But that still didn't make him feel like any less of an asshole for saying the things that he had said and then taking her to bed, and now he was leaving her without saying goodbye.

He had to leave her, and he had to do it in the middle of the night because he wouldn't be able to do it in the morning.

He found a notebook on her dresser and grabbed a nearby pen. He scribbled a note and left it on her pillow.

It read: _I love you but I can't. I'm sorry._

* * *

_May 2015_

Months passed and Jackson refused to talk to her. She called but he never picked up. She left messages that he never returned and she sent emails that he never replied to.

She loved him and she had been willing to try again. She had been willing to re-evaluate her views on marriage and family but he had left before she had even gotten the chance to tell him any of that. After they had made love, he had slipped out in the middle of the night like some kind of criminal. She had been in disbelief when she had awoken to a note on her pillow.

He had left her completely and utterly shattered.

Her doorbell rang and she reluctantly answered her door. "Hi Peter," she smiled weakly.

"Hey," he smiled back. "I thought I'd drop by but if you don't feel like having company then that's fine."

He appeared to have just left work; he was wearing a suit and tie. She pulled her apartment door open wide so that he could enter her home. They hadn't hung out very much recently; she had shut him out since Jackson's appearance at the Doctors without Borders benefit. She had told her mother and her sisters what had happened but other than that she had shut out everyone else in her life and buried herself in her work. She regularly worked the night shift and took numerous overtime shifts. She logged more hours in the OR than any other surgeon and she consistently impressed the head of the department, who was scheduled to retire soon.

But she was certain that Peter had a pretty good idea about what was going on with her. Last week, he had caught her crying in an on-call room.

They sat in silence on her sofa until he spoke, "So, what's going on?"

"Jackson won't talk to me," she confessed with a sigh. "He's done."

"Are you done too?" He asked quietly.

She held his gaze as she answered, "I want to be. I really want to be."

Jackson hadn't spoken to her since March; she was starting to border on pathetic.

He nodded in understanding. She wanted to move on but she was still hurting. "April, you deserve better. You deserve a guy who thinks that you're so gorgeous that he could just look at you all day long. You deserve a guy who can't sleep because he can't stop thinking about you. You deserve a guy that _wants _to marry you."

"Oh, and are you that guy?" She asked with a disbelieving chuckle.

He smiled widely. "I am most definitely that guy."

She stared at him in shock as she processed his statement. She knew that he had feelings for her but she didn't think that they were that serious. Without any further thinking, she grabbed his tie and pulled him towards her for a kiss.

She could see herself with Peter Wakely. He was perfect for her. He was what she needed and she knew that she could love him, in time. Hopefully, in time, she could forget about Jackson Avery and love Peter Wakely even half as much as he loved her.

* * *

**A/N: So, just to clarify, before the phone call in Chapter 1 they hadn't spoken in over a year.**

**Next chapter we're going back to the present! Please leave a review! **


	7. Empty Apartment

**A/N: Sorry for such a long wait. I was really busy with school but the term is over now so I'll try not to keep you waiting too long from now on. This chapter's song is one of my favorites so definitely give it a listen. This chapter is a look into April and Jackson's current lives. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual.**

* * *

_Waking up from this nightmare  
How's your life? What's it like there?  
Is it all what you want it to be?  
Does it hurt when you think about me?  
And how broken my heart is  
_

_Take you away from that empty apartment  
You stay and forget where the heart is  
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay_

_It's okay to be angry and never let go_  
_It only gets harder the more that you know_  
_When you get lonely if no one's around_  
_You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down_  
_We came together but you left alone_  
_And I know how it feels to walk out on your own_  
_Maybe someday I will see you again_  
_And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend_

_- Empty Apartment by Yellowcard_

* * *

_May 2016 _

"More suction, Fitzgerald," April advised her resident.

Morgan Fitzgerald, the second year with a budding interest in trauma, nodded and did as he was told.

"Good," April commented. "And there, we got all the bleeders." She smiled in satisfaction behind her surgical mask before turning to Fitzgerald. "Do you wanna close?"

"Yeah!" The young man answered excitedly.

April nodded and stepped back from the operating table. She gestured for him to take her place before she left Fitzgerald under the watchful eyes of very capable scrub nurses. She pulled off her gloves, mask, and gown and tossed them in the garbage bin before leaving the OR and entering the scrub room.

She washed and dried her hands and arms but stayed to watch Fitzgerald finish the procedure. She folded her arms across her chest and smiled to herself as the junior resident carefully double-checked his work.

It always amazed her how much she enjoyed teaching. It was such an enriching and rewarding experience to pass on her knowledge and experience to young surgeons. They could learn from her mistakes, and it almost made making them in the first place bearable. She was able to teach _and_ save lives on a daily basis. She truly did have the most amazing job and she thanked God every day for it.

She thanked God for Columbia University Medical Center. It was the perfect fit for her, more so than Seattle Grace Mercy West, and certainly more than Tulane. She was treated differently here. Even though they were her friends, the staff in Seattle would always remember her as an annoying resident who had been fired and had needed to take her Boards twice, and in Tulane she had been Jackson Avery's girlfriend. Here she was a published author. A respected surgeon. A humanitarian. She was the head of the trauma department and she had climbed the ladder very quickly.

She had found her niche at Columbia.

She also thanked God for Peter. He was _perfect_.

After sending Fitzgerald a small nod of approval, she left the room and smacked into an attending surgeon who was passing through the hallway. She had an apology on the tip of her tongue when she felt two familiar hands snake around her waist.

"Sorry for crashing into you," her fiancé whispered in her ear.

"It's okay," she giggled pleasantly.

Peter held her at arm's length so that he could look at her and he smiled uncontrollably. "It is actually ridiculous how cute you look in a scrub cap."

April laughed and accused, "You're a flatterer, and that will get you everywhere."

"I'm just being honest," he argued with a grin. He ran his hands along her sides as he asked, "I'll meet you for lunch in your office?"

"Yup," she nodded. "I'm heading there right now!"

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Okay, I'll meet you there, beautiful. I just gotta check on one of my fellows."

April smiled back at him excitedly. "See you soon."

She removed her scrub cap as she headed to her lovely office on the third floor. She closed the door behind her and stretched her arms above her head. She was a little sore but she was positive that she could talk Peter into giving her a shoulder rub. She sat down at her desk and grabbed a proposal that an attending in her department had given her to mull over.

She had just finished reading the first page when her office door opened and Peter walked in with a happy smile.

He held a small bag out in front of him and declared enthusiastically, "I brought you chocolate chip cookies!"

April squealed in girlish delight and jumped out of her chair. She raced towards him and flung her arms around his neck. "I love you, now give me my cookies," she muttered against his mouth.

He laughed as he guided her towards his favourite aspect of her office, the large and very comfortable sofa. He placed the cookies on her coffee table before he gently pushed her down onto the piece of furniture. She threaded her fingers through his dark hair and pulled him down for a kiss. He loved these little, impromptu make out sessions that being attendings allowed. Their schedules weren't as jam-packed as they had been in residency and they had more privacy than tents in Kenya would have allowed. Having a fiancé who had a nice, cushy office with a lock on the door because they were the head of their department didn't hurt either. He constantly teased her about on-call rooms, how could he not after hearing some of her stories about Seattle Grace, but they only ever fooled around in her office.

She started to tug his scrub top upwards and he pulled away from her lips long enough to take off the item of clothing. He returned to kissing her and she trailed her hands down his bare back. He shivered and reflexively bucked his hips against her. In response, she dug her short fingernails into his skin and tantalizingly slipped her tongue into his mouth.

He still couldn't fathom how he had gotten so lucky. He had been in two serious relationships before her. The first had started in high school and had lasted for four years and the second had been two years long and it had been with a fellow surgeon during his residency at the University of Pittsburgh. He had only ever been physical with those two women and he had loved them, however, the feelings that he had possessed for them didn't even compare to his feelings for April. She had been unattainable for so long and even though they had only started dating a year ago, he knew that she was the love of his life.

April was amazing in so many ways. They just fit together. They made sense.

And she was incredibly sexy. He felt very out of her league at times but he tried not to let it get to him. Annoyingly enough, his insecurities had started to get a little more pronounced since she had starting communicating with Jackson Avery again.

April tossed one of her legs around Peter's waist and pulled his body as close to hers as physically possible. She moaned lowly as he dropped his mouth to her neck. She was flushed, aroused…and so horny. She hadn't had sex since her last encounter with Jackson, and that had been fourteen months ago. But she and Peter were waiting until their wedding night. It had been a mutual decision that they had discussed at length. It was the best thing for the both of them, and for their relationship. They were both Christians who didn't take the act of sex lightly, but sometimes April found it difficult to restrain herself.

She actually really missed sex.

And she knew that Peter did too. He slipped his hands underneath her shirt as he thrust his hips into hers.

"We need to stop," she told him breathlessly.

"I know," he groaned as he placed a kiss in the juncture between her neck and shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on her lips before he sat up and allowed her to as well.

April passed him his scrub top before fixing her sure to be dishevelled hair. He pulled the shirt back over his head and pushed his glasses farther up his nose. She could tell that he was in desperate need of a cold shower so she leaned forward and kissed him sweetly. "Thanks for the cookies, sweetheart. Made my day." Peter always did little thoughtful things like that for her; it was one of the reasons that she loved him.

He turned to her and smiled. "No problem, anytime."

April walked towards her small refrigerator and pulled out the plastic containers that held their lunches and two bottles of water. She had made a salad and turkey sandwich for herself, and a roast beef sandwich and leftover pasta from last night's dinner made up Peter's meal. She leaned back on the sofa and started to eat her lunch as her quiet fiancé sat beside her and did the same. They were so comfortable around each other that they could just sit in silence for hours. They never had to force conversation.

She rested her head on his shoulder and smiled when he wrapped his arm around her. He picked up his sandwich with his free hand as his other rubbed up and down her arm.

She broke the silence when she stated, "So, we'll be married in a month."

"Yeah," he smiled broadly. "Although right now it seems very far away. Let's go down to Atlantic City and elope."

She laughed as she placed a hand on his chest and ran it down his torso. "Your mother would kill us."

"That's true," he sighed. His mother was the reason that they were having a social event for a wedding as opposed to a small, intimate gathering. Eleanor Wakely was quite the New York socialite and she wanted her only child to get married in extravagant style. "So let's not tell anybody."

She giggled and placed a kiss on his cheek. "That would be nice," she commented thoughtfully. There was a lot of pressure associated with a big wedding and _so _many people were invited. However, she was very excited. "But I've already bought the dress," she teased.

"True, true," he agreed with a small grin. And he couldn't wait to see her in her wedding dress.

They finished up their lunches and April even gave him one of her cookies.

"Well," Peter announced as he brushed his hands across his knees. "I should go prep. I have a big surgery this afternoon."

April placed both of her hands on his face and kissed him lovingly. "Good luck and I'll see you later."

"You certainly will," he responded. He kissed her again before he left her office.

Once she was alone, April cleaned up and decided to get back at the proposal she had been reading. She was approximately halfway through it when her office phone rang.

* * *

"_April Kepner speaking."_

Jackson smiled and contentedly laid back on the cot bed in the on-call room as April's familiar voice washed over him. "Hey, I had a nurse transfer me directly to your office, I hope you don't mind."

"_Oh! Jackson, hi! Of course I don't mind. How are you?"_

"I'm good, just resting," he answered through a yawn. She laughed at him and he smiled happily. It felt really good to hear that sound. "I've been up all night. We had to deal with a school fire. How are you?"

"_I'm good,"_ she answered promptly. _"I'm just doing some administrative type things. Nothing too exciting."_

He paused and ran a hand over his closely shaved head before he spoke again. "I lost a patient last night. A thirteen year old boy. Burns covered over eighty percent of his body. In the end all we could do was make him comfortable. I've lost patients before but…" He trailed off and took a deep breath. A couple of deaths had hit him really hard during residency but since moving to Tulane he was a plastic surgeon exclusively, and plastics didn't typically see a lot of casualties.

"_No, I get it,"_ she told him softly.

He smiled to himself. He could tell by the sincerity in her voice that she wasn't lying or exaggerating. She understood him better than anyone else after all. "I just felt like I needed to talk to you," he confessed.

"_That's fine,"_ she assured him. _"What are friends for?"_

"Exactly," he agreed after swallowing harshly.

He knew that she wanted friendship. He knew that she was the type that wanted something positive to emerge from their failed relationship, but he couldn't help but believe that a part of her still loved him, and still wanted to be with him. Their story wasn't over yet. They knew each other too well. There was too much history. There were too many lingering feelings and things left unsaid.

"_On a brighter note,"_ she began, and he could hear the smile in her voice. _"Columbia is doing a penis transplant at the beginning of next month and I may have tossed your name around for a consult."_

"Should I be expecting a call?" He asked with a chuckle.

"_Maybe,"_ she quipped teasingly. _"They're a little biased towards Mark because ya know, he's alumni, but I assured them that you're just as good, if not better."_

"Thanks," he whispered. That comment meant a lot coming from her and he couldn't help but imagine the perturbed look on Wakely's face if he showed up at Columbia for a highly publicized surgery. The thought of it made him a little giddy. "Who's the plastics attending on the case?" He questioned nosily.

_"Jonathon Morrow,"_ she replied. _"But I did the first surgery when he was admitted into the ER. His, um, wife got a little revenge for his infidelity."_

Jackson involuntarily winced. "Ouch."

"_Yeah, it was quite the sight."_

Jackson's laughter was interrupted when the alarm sounded on his cell phone and he sighed in disappoint. "I guess it's time for me to go."

"_I hope that your day gets better Jackson."_

"Bye, I—" He stopped himself as he realized what he had been about to say. It just felt so natural. "I will talk to you later," he finished before ending the call.

Jackson left the on-call and headed down to the second floor. He approached the office of Dr. Leyland Summers and knocked gently. He opened the door, stepped inside, and shot his psychiatrist a small smile.

When Lauren had first suggested that he talk to somebody…and by somebody she had meant a shrink…he had laughed in her face. He had never put much faith in the specialty; he had always thought that psych was for med school grads who couldn't hack more hard core specialties. He had never been very good at openly discussing his feelings either. Lauren had forced him to attend his first session and she had sat beside him while he had been sulky, hostile, and unresponsive. But once he had opened up during a bout of frustration, he had felt better…relieved…weightless even.

Therapy turned out to be one of the healthiest decisions he had ever made. He was so much more self-aware. He now understood his issues regarding commitment, marriage, women, and his fear of abandonment. He realized that he had a tendency to shy away from responsibility and he now managed the pressure of being an Avery better. He was much more involved in the Harper Avery Foundation now and he enjoyed the work. He and Summers had also addressed how his lack of a male role model had affected his upbringing, and he managed his temper much better now.

He never thought that he would be in therapy but he had been having sessions with Summers for over a year now.

"I heard that the burn center was overflowing yesterday," Summers began.

Jackson nodded as he took a seat on the stereotypical therapist's couch. "Yeah, school fire. I lost a patient."

Summers prompted, "And?"

"I took it pretty hard," he replied honestly. "I called April."

Summers, who was a man in his fifties with salt and pepper hair and a beard, raised an eyebrow in intrigue. "And that made you feel better?"

"Of course, talking to her always make me feel better. She just gets me," he shrugged. Before Summers had a chance to response, he added, "I'm not being dependent. She called me last week when she had a tough case. We're friends." Summers laughed and Jackson rolled his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not a very good liar," the psychiatrist quipped.

Jackson chuckled but didn't deny it. "We've exhausted the topic of April Kepner. Let's talk about something else for now."

"As you wish." Summers flicked through his notepad before he settled on a topic. "Do you think religion helped you deal with the loss of your patient?"

Jackson thought about the question carefully. He had really taken April's comment about needing a little faith to heart. He had more faith in himself now and he had taken to exploring organized religion. His interest had first sparked when he had returned to New Orleans after attending the Doctors without Borders benefit. He truly wanted to understand how April saw the world, and he got it now. He now felt as if he understood April even better than he had before.

They discussed religion for the rest of the session and once he left the office, he changed his clothes before meeting Lauren in the lobby.

"Hey babe," the blonde grinned.

Jackson chuckled as he playfully tossed his arm around Lauren's shoulders. "Can we skip the gym this evening?" He asked in a tired voice. "It's been a very long shift."

The ortho surgeon sighed but nodded in agreement. "Yeah, let's just go back to your place and watch the game."

As they walked out the main entrance, Jackson looked down at the ground and smiled. This was his routine, and even though he didn't have exactly what he wanted, things could be much worse.

* * *

**A/N: So, I really enjoyed last night's episode. I thought that the story line with the Syrian doctors once again showed off how big April's heart is, which, in my opinion, is one of the best things about her character. Also, I don't think her and Matthew are done. Just a feeling I have. lol.**

**Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts on this chapter! The next will have lots of Japril interaction as it will see Jackson in NYC. :) **


	8. I Told You So

**A/N: Once again, thanks for all of the reviews! You guys are awesome! The song for this chapter is amazing, and really the entire song applies to Jackson and April in this fic. Give it a listen. Enjoy! :)**

**P.S. I'm so pissed I couldn't get the song to format the same way it has been in previous chapters. I hate when this site changes simple things like that.**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual!**

* * *

_Suppose I called you up tonight/__And told you that I love you/__And suppose I said I wanna come back home/__And suppose I cried and said I think I've finally learned my lesson/__And I'm tired of spending all my time alone/__If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted/__And it's killing me to be so far away/__Would you tell me that you love me too/__And would we cry together/__Or would you simply laugh at me and say_

_I told you so_

_Would you say I told you so/__Oh, I told you so/__I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in/__I told you so/__But you had to go/__Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again_

_- I Told You So by Carrie Underwood_

* * *

_June 2016_

"Dr. Avery, I read that article you wrote for…"

Jackson smiled politely but tuned out as Jonathon Morrow's resident continued to yammer on about his work. It seemed that the fifth year resident, Brandon Donaldson, was a fan of his. Donaldson had been sent to the airport to pick him up and the young man hadn't stopped talking since the moment they met. Jackson was flattered but he was more preoccupied with what was waiting for him at Columbia University Medical Center.

He was excited to operate and network with the plastic surgeons at Columbia, and of course, he was excited to see April.

The cab finally stopped in front of the hospital and Jackson hopped out. To his chagrin, Donaldson insisted on carrying his bags.

Columbia was busy and pristine. Everyone seemed professional and everything seemed to be running smoothly. It was the well-oiled machine that April had described and Jackson knew that they were doing some very cutting edge research here.

"So I'll show you to the attendings' lounge," Donaldson declared excitedly. "Dr. Morrow is waiting there for you."

They walked down a series of hallways before Donaldson finally stopped and gestured towards the door. "And here you are!"

"Thanks Donaldson," he nodded. He shook the young man's hand before he added, "I guess I'll see you in a little while."

He stepped into the attendings' lounge, which was much nicer than the one at Tulane, and as Donaldson had promised, Morrow was waiting for him. The tan, dark haired man jumped off of the couch and to his feet. Like most surgeons in the field of plastics, he was fit and relatively good-looking. Appearances actually mattered in their specialty, people were wary of receiving an operation from an ugly plastic surgeon.

"Avery," he grinned. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Jackson replied as he firmly shook his hand. 'Thanks for inviting me."

"Not a problem. Kepner really went to bat for you," Morrow chuckled.

Jackson's smile widened. It seemed like April really wanted him here and that was definitely a good sign. "Will she be scrubbing in?"

Morrow nodded. "If she's available, yes." He clapped his hands together before he declared, "So let's get you some scrubs and then we'll go and meet the patient."

"Sounds great."

Jackson laid his bags in the corner and took a seat at the table in the middle of the room once Morrow left to fetch him a set of scrubs. He picked up a medical journal and mindlessly leafed through it as he waited for Morrow to return. He lifted his head in interest when the door opened and he couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping when he recognized who stood before him.

"Wakely," he stated in acknowledgement.

"Avery," the scrawny guy managed to return with some semblance of a smile.

"How are you?" Jackson inquired politely.

Peter Wakely moved across the attendings' lounge and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Great. Work is great. _April's_ great."

Jackson tensed and his fists clenched at Wakely's emphasis on April's name. The peds surgeon may not be the fighting type but he certainly knew how to hit below the belt.

"How are you?" Peter retorted as he spun around with a cup of coffee in his hand. "How's Tulane?"

"Great," Jackson responded through gritted teeth.

Thankfully the incredibly awkward encounter was cut short when Morrow returned to the room. "Hey Pete," he smiled excitedly. "Have you met Jackson Avery?"

"Yeah," Peter answered with a curt nod. "We go way back."

Morrow seemed completely oblivious to what was actually going on between the two other men in the room and so he laid a set of scrubs in front of Jackson with that same bright smile plastered across his face. "There ya go."

"Great, thanks," Jackson responded.

He got up out of his chair and Morrow directed him to where he could go change. Jackson took a few steps down the hallway and entered the attendings' locker room. He smiled uncontrollably when his eyes landed on his favourite person in the entire world.

He found himself unable to come up with anything witty to say so he spoke simply. "Hey."

April whipped around and he was pleased to see that her smile matched his own.

"Jackson," she breathed in slight disbelief. She rushed towards him and he pulled her into a tight hug. They hadn't seen each other in over a year but it felt more like a decade.

When she pulled away, one of his arms stayed wrapped around her waist. He couldn't seem to let her go. He stared down at her with a large grin. She looked unbelievable. Her auburn hair was a little longer than the last time that he had seen her and the emerald green attending scrubs suited her perfectly. There was something about that shade that brought out how beautiful her eyes, her hair, and her skin were. It definitely wasn't helping his self-control.

April stepped out of his grasp and glanced down at her feet. The pull that existed between them was still very present and it set her on edge. How was she supposed to be his friend when he looked at her like that?

"Did your flight just get in?" She asked to break the silence.

"Yeah," he smiled. "And Morrow just gave me some scrubs to change into."

"Oh, okay. Well you can put your clothes in my locker if you want," she told him as she pointed out which locker belonged to her.

"That'd be great, thanks." He walked towards her locker and wasted no time before he started to undress. He couldn't wait to get into comfortable scrubs. His mother and grandfather had always taught him to represent himself with the utmost class so he had decided to wear a new, very nice looking grey suit and tie with a white button-down shirt to represent Tulane. "So, are you going to be operating with me?"

April's eyes widened as he started to take off his clothes. She was not okay with their friendship having this level of comfort. They had been okay with changing in front of each other during residency but they couldn't go back to that now, not after what they had been through.

"I…uh…uh huh," she stammered as she fixed her gaze on her sneakers. "If nothing big comes into the pit, I mean. T-then I can scrub in…if nothing comes in."

Jackson turned to her and chuckled. "Are you okay?"

She cautiously raised her head and saw that he was naked from the waist up and was holding the scrub top in his hands. But what distracted her even more than his naked chest was the familiar chain hanging around his neck. She gulped before responding, "Yeah, I'm fine, but I should probably get back to the ER."

"I'll see you later, right?" He asked hopefully. If they didn't get a chance to operate together then he needed to know that he would see her again before he left Columbia.

She nodded as she reflected on how important his friendship was to her. She wanted to give this a legitimate try. She could do it. She was in love with another man; it was just her hormones talking. "Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?" She asked with a smile. "I can make something for you."

"That sounds amazing," he grinned. "Can't wait."

"Great," she replied before she spun on her heel and left the room.

She had only taken a few small steps down the hallway when she spotted Peter emerging from the attendings' lounge. "Hey honey!" She greeted him pleasantly.

Peter, on the other hand, seemed anything but pleasant. "Avery's here," he stated unenthusiastically.

"I know, I was just talking to him," she replied. "I invited him over for dinner tonight." She could tell by the expression on Peter's face that he wanted to protest, but he remained silent. He didn't like to fight with her. She grabbed his face and firmly kissed him on the lips. "I love you."

"I still don't like him," Peter muttered as April peppered him with kisses. He couldn't move past the fact that Jackson Avery had broken her heart. He seemed so unapologetic, and arrogant. He just didn't like the guy. Also, there was the fact that every time he looked at him he had unfortunate mental flashes of an unclothed April wrapped around him. "He just bugs me."

April placed kisses on Peter's neck before she spoke again. "Will you be nice for me?"

"Of course I will," he sighed.

April wrapped her arms tightly around Peter's midsection and stared into his eyes thoughtfully. "I hope that his presence isn't making you feel insecure."

"What? Are you kidding me? Why would I feel insecure about his eyes and his smile and all of his muscles?" He retorted sarcastically. "Pfft, please."

She couldn't help but giggle at his humor. She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she threaded her fingers through his and pulled him in the direction of her office. "Come on."

"What are we doing?" He questioned in confusion.

She shot him a playful grin over her shoulder but didn't verbally respond to his inquiry. She finally reached her office and unlocked the door. She pulled him inside and he continued to look at her in utter puzzlement. She pushed him down onto her sofa and pounced on him with a laugh. She kissed him passionately as she ran a hand along his chest.

"What are we doing?" Peter asked again as she continued to kiss him. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"Showing you why you have no reason to be insecure," she murmured while working her way down his body. She pushed his scrub top up and kissed around his belly button. "We may be waiting until our wedding night to be together but we can do other things in the meantime."

He responded to her in a slightly high pitched voice, "Really?"

Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she slowly nodded. "Yeah, I mean if you want to then I want to."

"Of course I want to," he chuckled huskily. "It's just…are you sure?" He asked considerately.

She slid back up his body, brushing every inch of her against him, and kissed him firmly on the mouth. "I'm sure."

* * *

Jackson scrubbed out of surgery with a satisfied smile on his face. Their patient, Ray Johnston, now had everything exactly the way God had originally intended. He had to admit that he had cringed a little at first, April had been right about the amount of trauma that his wife had inflicted in order to get even, but April had done a wonderful job in her initial surgery in order to make a transplant even possible. And Ray had been lucky that there was a perfect match at this very hospital. The stars had really aligned for this guy so Jackson hoped that he made the right choices with his equipment this time around.

Morrow entered the scrub room and started to wash up next to him. "Great job Avery!"

"Yeah, you too. It was great to operate with you. We should do it again some time."

"Definitely," the other plastic surgeon agreed. He paused for a minute before he added thoughtfully, "Or we could make this a regular thing."

The dark-skinned man turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Morrow laughed, "This is New York City, man, the demand for plastic surgeons is crazy. I'm sure our department has room for one more."

"Seriously?"

Morrow nodded as he dried off his hands and arms. "Especially for someone has talented as you. I can set up a meeting with Martin and Chang if you're interested."

Jackson was definitely interested in meeting with the Head of Plastics and Chief of Surgery. Moving to New York wasn't half as unappealing as it would have been years ago. Columbia was an incredible hospital but he had put in a lot of work at Tulane. But he would have more money and resources, and possibly more opportunities at Columbia.

He definitely had a lot of factors to consider.

Jackson extended his hand and shook Morrow's in a show of thanks and appreciation. "I will let you know."

Jackson and Morrow went to Ray's room to check on him post-op before the surgeon from Tulane called it a day. He changed back into his suit and then headed to the ER to try and find April.

He approached her at the nurses' station with a smile. "Hey, how's it going?"

She turned to him with a tired smile. "Hey! It's going great! I'm almost done here. How was the rest of the surgery?" Unfortunately she had been forced to leave only forty-five minutes in because of an incident at a construction site.

"The rest of the surgery went perfectly."

"That's awesome," she smiled brightly. It had been weird to be back in an OR with him…Weird but comfortable and familiar, and amazing. His eyes were even more intense during surgery. He gave away a lot with just his eyes and she could feel them pulling her in once again. She cleared her throat and looked down at the chart in her hands. "So I should give you my address." She grabbed her small notebook out of her lab coat pocket and tore out a page. She scribbled her address on it and handed it to him. "You can come by in about an hour."

"See you then," he smiled enticingly.

* * *

April practically jumped when she heard her doorbell ring. Her body was humming with nervous excitement and she hated herself for it. She kept telling herself that it was just Jackson. Her _friend_, Jackson. They were having a friendly dinner to catch up, and that was it. There was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive.

But she couldn't stop herself from checking herself out in the mirror one last time before answering the door.

"Hey."

"Hi," he smiled. He raised the bag in his hand and declared, "I brought wine."

"Great," she replied as she allowed him entry into her apartment. "I have steak and potatoes and everything so I hope that's okay."

He grinned at her as he removed his jacket. "You know that's perfect."

She walked into her kitchen and Jackson trailed behind her. "Peter is running behind schedule. An intern called and his surgery is taking longer than they expected but he should be here soon. He just has to drop by his apartment first."

Jackson's eyebrows shot into his hairline as he placed the bottle of wine on the kitchen table. "You guys don't live together?"

She shook her head. "Nope. We're waiting to get a place until after the wedding. One that's completely ours instead of one of us moving into the other's apartment."

Jackson thought that the idea was incredibly strange but he wasn't about to say that. "What if he's messy? Or does something completely crazy like put the peanut butter in the refrigerator?" He asked teasingly. "Or even worse," he began with a grin, "what if he folds his socks instead of rolling them together?"

"I'm not that bad," April laughed.

Jackson avoided her gaze as he stepped towards her. "Well I speak from personal experience and I think that your OCD tendencies are…endearing."

She couldn't stop herself from smacking his chest. "Knock it off."

He laughed infectiously and their sweet moment was interrupted by a ringing phone. April answered the call and whoever was on the line quickly put a frown on her face. "Oh, okay. Well tell him not to rush."

"Was that about Peter?" Jackson asked once she hung up the phone.

"Yeah," she nodded. "That was his intern. He's not going to be able to make dinner." She scratched her cheek as she looked at her stove. "So I guess we can eat," she stated awkwardly.

* * *

They ate dinner and drank the wine that he brought as they made pleasant conversation. They talked about medicine, of course, and their case loads. He was very busy and had a very a large caseload whereas she had cut back on scheduled procedures due to her new administrative position and mostly dealt with incoming trauma.

He showed her pictures of a fully grown Brody and they talked about the friends that they stayed in touch with. It was no surprise that he still talked to Mark Sloan on a regular basis and he also conversed with Alex every now and then. April had run into Meredith at a conference in Boston just last year and they had stayed in contact since then. The most shocking turn of events was that April exchanged regular emails and had regular chats with Cristina Yang. Jackson was shocked to say the least but he had always believed that the cardio surgeon cared more than she lead people to believe.

"So are you seeing anyone?" April asked as they moved into her living room with their glasses of wine.

He shook his head while taking a seat on her couch. "No, I'm not," he answered slowly. He looked down into his wine glass before he raised his head again. "I haven't seen anyone in a very long time," he revealed.

"Why?" She asked tentatively. She was almost afraid of his answer but she had to ask.

Jackson gazed at her as he thought about her question. He knew that he was still in love with her. His feelings for her hadn't changed in the slightest but he had not anticipated that she would still have such a profound effect on him. He looked at her and still saw everything that he wanted.

"I have a hypothetical question for you."

April's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Okay, shoot."

He took a deep breath before he bravely trudged forward. Lauren had told him to lay everything on the table. He needed to show all of his cards this time around. "If I told you that I'm still in love with you, that I'll never hurt you ever again, and that I'm ready to get married, what would you say?"

"Hypothetically," she started shakily. "I would say too little too late. I would say that you had your chance and you were scared. I would say that I'm glad that you're finally ready and I'm sure that you will make some woman very happy. But it's not going to be me. I don't feel that way about you anymore. I'm in love with somebody else now."

"Is that really true?" He asked quietly as he shifted even closer to her on the sofa. "Because we still have something here."

He tilted his head and leaned forward with the intention of kissing her but she placed a hand on his chest to stop him. "Jackson, don't," she pleaded.

"April," he whispered desperately.

She created a sizable distance between them and exhaled heavily. "I think that you should go."

"If that's what you want." He prayed that she would change her mind and say no.

She turned back to face him and he could see the tears shining in her eyes. "Yeah, that's what I want."

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a review!**

**The next chapter will begin the wedding events!**


	9. All Or Nothing

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! This chapter is short but important! And pay attention to the dates: April's wedding day is the 17th!**

**Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

_There are time it seems to me  
I'm sharing you with memories  
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it  
Then there's times you look at me  
As though I'm all that you could see  
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it, know it_

_- All or Nothing by O-Town_

* * *

_June 12__th__, 2016_

Jackson lay on the bed in his New York City hotel room and stared at the ceiling while Lauren lay beside him. They had just finished eating dinner at the hotel's restaurant and drinking at the hotel's bar, and now Jackson just needed to vent.

"She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't love me anymore," he repeated in disbelief. "The worst part is that I don't actually know whether or not she's telling the truth."

"Jackson," the ortho surgeon sighed. "I know that this is really hurting you but you really can't blame her."

Jackson turned his head so that he faced her and furrowed his brow in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is that you really hurt her," she explained. "And now she's just trying to protect her heart. At the very least she knows that it's safe with Peter. He's the reliable, dependable boy next door and you're the rebel without a cause that blows through town on your motorcycle and tries to get her to run away."

Jackson chuckled humorlessly as he worked through Lauren's metaphor. "You make me sound like the bad guy. Am I really that bad?"

The blonde smiled and gently placed her hand on his chest. "Of course you're not that bad, you're wonderful. But just look at things from April's point of view for a second. Peter Wakely is a nice guy. He's good-looking in his own skinny, might need a haircut kinda way. He's got money. He's a great surgeon who does a lot of charity work, and he absolutely adores her. He loved her from afar for years; it doesn't get much more romantic than that. He would probably rather die than hurt her." She paused for a second as she observed her friend's downtrodden expression. "He's her checklist. He's the safe choice."

"Yeah," Jackson murmured in agreement. "If I didn't hate him I think I'd like him."

Lauren laughed softly before she continued, "But as great as he is, you're the great love of her life and she knows it."

"And you're not just saying that?" He questioned quietly.

She shook her head. "Nope, I'm not just saying that."

"So you don't think that we were just a wrong fit from the beginning?"

That was really what he was afraid of. He was afraid that they had just been a product of their circumstances and that they had stayed together out of obligation. He needed to know that they were more than that…that they had something special.

"No, I don't think that at all," Lauren replied firmly. "You complement each other perfectly. She grounds you and you challenge her. You've been through a lot together, you bring out the best in each other, and you have tons of passion. I think that you guys are soul mates. You're meant to be," she grinned.

Jackson smiled to himself as he looked back up at the ceiling. Losing April had opened his eyes up to the idea of there truly only being one person out there for everyone, and he thought that Lauren was absolutely right about them. He and April belonged together; he just didn't know how he was going to make April see it that way.

Especially when she was getting married in five days.

* * *

Peter left his home office and stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He smiled to himself and adjusted his glasses as he observed his fiancé. April was sitting on his bed, in her pajamas, reading a novel. She appeared content and peaceful but he couldn't help but think that something was wrong. She had been off ever since Jackson Avery had come to town for that penis transplant. He hadn't asked her about it but the change in her demeanour was noticeable and curiosity was getting the better of him. He was starting to get very concerned.

"What did he say to you?" He finally asked.

April raised her head and looked at him curiously. "What? Who are you talking about?"

"Avery," he answered as he stepped towards the bed. He sat down next to her and elaborated. "What did he say to you that has got you acting so weird?"

"I don't think I'm acting weird," she laughed dismissively.

She looked back down at her book as Jackson's words resounded in her head. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about them, and him in general, since he left her apartment that night.

"_If I told you that I'm still in love with you, that I'll never hurt you ever again, and that I'm ready to get married, what would you say?"_

She wasn't sure what had possessed Jackson to say such things. They've been apart for over a year. If he still loved her then why had he waited so long to tell her? If he was now open to marriage then why had he waited until she was less than a month away from marrying another man? He had pretty much confessed his feelings to her in the eleventh hour. She supposed that amazing clarity accompanied irrational jealously. But she had been right in not kissing him and asking him to leave. It's what her head had told her to do.

"I'm not acting weird," she repeated. She closed her book and laid it on the bedside table before she leaned forward to kiss him. "I'm getting married in five days. I'm nervous in a good, excited way, maybe that's why I seem different."

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" He questioned as he soothingly rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"Yes," she answered a little overconfidently. "Is there anything that's bothering you?" She countered.

He sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "Well, now that you mention it. I…um…uh…" He struggled with his words as he scratched his chin. He refused to be jealous of Jackson Avery for the rest of his life and he couldn't seem to stop thinking about the fact that April and Avery had been together…in the Biblical sense. It made him inexplicably angry. It also made him feel like their relationship was lessened in a way, like it was second best and it was eating away at him. "I don't think I can wait until our wedding night," he confessed in a murmur. "I just…I need to make love to you."

April bit down on her bottom lip to repress a grin. She didn't really want to wait either. She wanted to give herself to Peter, her future husband. However, she couldn't deny that a small fraction of her motivation was Jackson related. She needed to prove to herself that she felt just as strongly about Peter, because she did, she knew that she did. She wanted to cement their physical connection and their intimacy.

And their wedding was so close so she knew that she wouldn't feel guilty if they celebrated a little early.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him towards her. She pressed her mouth against his and he eagerly responded until he nervously pulled away from her.

"Do you want to…now?" He spoke huskily. "I mean we could do something special, we could—"

"Now," she interrupted him. "We've waited long enough, don't ya think?"

He nodded in agreement before he pulled her t-shirt over her head. He hated when she wore that stupid Texas A&M football shirt.

* * *

Peter lay on his back and squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. "I'm sorry," he apologized as he tried to catch his breath.

She turned onto her side and softly kissed him on the lips. "Don't apologize, Peter. It's okay."

"No, it's not," he replied in embarrassment. "That's not exactly how I envisioned our first time, and I'm sure it's not how you pictured it either."

He scrambled out of bed and grabbed his boxers to pull back on. She sat up and held a bed sheet to her chest as she used her other hand to push her hair out of her face. She could tell that he was embarrassed, frustrated, and probably a little emasculated. Men didn't take these kinds of things well and he didn't seem to want to talk to her about it. Sure it hadn't been the greatest sex that she had ever had but it had been nice. Short, but nice.

"Peter," she called softly. "Come back to bed, please."

He turned around and reluctantly returned to bed. He slid in beside her and she instantly climbed on top of him and straddled his waist. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and placed her mouth against his ear. "April," he groaned in protest, "I—"

"Shhh." She ran her fingertips through his hair before she spoke again. "It's not a big deal. I'm flattered that I turn you on that much." She dropped her mouth to his neck and placed a kiss on his pulse point. "Let's just try again," she purred seductively.

* * *

_June 13__th__, 2016_

Jackson heard the knock on his hotel room door and rushed to answer it. He threw the door open and smiled widely at who was on the other side. "Mark, Lexie, how are you guys?"

"Great!" Mark Sloan grinned before he embraced his former protégée in a tight hug. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," Jackson answered as Mark pushed past him and stepped into the room. "Hey Lex," he smiled before he hugged her as well. He could feel her baby bump against his abdomen and it made him smile even wider. "And how's the baby doing?"

"Good," she smiled brightly. "Except morning sickness is a lie. I'm sick all day long."

Jackson chuckled as he shut the door and followed Lexie further into his hotel room. He knew that the one upside to this wedding was that he would get to see all of his old friends from Seattle.

"Lauren!" He called. "Mark and Lexie are here!"

The blonde stepped out of the bathroom and smiled at the gorgeous married couple. "It's nice to meet you guys, I've heard so much about you."

"Likewise," Mark grinned. All of his conversations with Jackson featured stories about the ortho surgeon.

Lauren stepped up to Jackson and threaded her arm through his. "So are you ready for this?" She asked tentatively.

Jackson took a deep breath. "Yeah, I think so."

Lexie looked at him sympathetically while Mark joked, "What's up with this four day wedding business anyway?"

"Rich people," Lauren jested.

Jackson chuckled to as they left the room. It was true that the Wakelys had to have thought up all of these events spread across four days, culminating in a large Manhattan wedding. He knew that April's family couldn't afford it. Peter's father, Byron Wakely, certainly had enough money. He was a big name on Wall Street, a stock broker or investment banker, or something like that.

They left their hotel and hailed a cab. The four surgeons headed to The Plaza for the first event of the Wakely-Kepner wedding, a buffet dinner and drinks so that all of the guests could mingle in a relaxed atmosphere.

They were all dressed accordingly, in cocktail dresses and suits, and Jackson nervously smoothed the front of his jacket as he stopped just outside of the entrance of the famous New York hotel.

Lauren looked back at him in concern and offered him a small smile. "Come on," she said as she grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together. "You're going to be fine."

Jackson tried to take her words to heart as he exhaled heavily. After a lot of thinking, he had decided to be noble. He was trying to be a good guy by letting her go. He wasn't going to try to steal the bride anymore. If Peter Wakely made April happy then he was going to let her be happy. He was going to be her best friend, and maybe, if she realized that she still felt the same way about him, then things would work out on their own, without his pushing and prodding.

They walked into the large hotel ballroom and although not many guests had arrived, the very first person that they spotted was Alex Karev. In stereotypical fashion, he was hanging out by the bar.

"Karev!" Mark and Jackson enthusiastically greeted in unison.

Lauren grinned as Jackson laughed with his old friend. She placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear. "I'm going to say hello to the bride."

The blonde California girl snuck across the room and surprised April Kepner by gently pinching her waist.

The red-head yelped and furiously spun around. She laughed, somewhat in relief, when she recognized her attacker. "Lauren, I'm so glad that you came," she smiled brightly.

"I wouldn't miss this for anything," Lauren responded honestly after they had hugged. "How are you?"

"Great," April nodded. "I'm great. You?"

She led Lauren over to a table of hors d'oeuvres after they had grabbed two glasses of champagne. They talked about work, April asked Lauren if she was seeing anyone, and Lauren questioned April on wedding preparations. They chatted pleasantly but Lauren couldn't help but notice that April's eyes consistently strayed across the room, to where Jackson was standing.

Lauren chuckled without humour as she discreetly pointed to her best friend. "He's not coming over here because he's trying to be a gentleman," she explained. "He's trying to keep his distance."

April looked down at her feet and simply replied, "Oh, well that's nice I guess. I still want to talk to him though."

"I honestly don't understand why you two aren't together," the doctor from Tulane stated bluntly.

April sighed and her eyes narrowed slightly. "You know why. Lauren, you know better than anyone. Nothing's changed. We'd have the same fights over and over."

"In my opinion, he was great just the way he was but he's definitely not the same guy anymore," she stated firmly. "He has changed so much."

That comment certainly caught April's attention. "What do you mean?" She questioned.

"I mean that since he returned from that Doctors without Borders benefit, he's read every book about religion that he can get his hands on," she revealed. "He goes to church whenever he can, all in an effort to try to understand you better. He's been seeing a therapist twice a week for over a year now." April's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. "But he didn't tell you any of that, did he?"

"No," April whispered, "he didn't mention any of it."

"Well, that's something for you to think about," Lauren stated before she walked away with a wink.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a review!**

**And the next chapter will be a big one! Lots of stuff happening so stay tuned! :)**


	10. Stone of Suffering

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I moved and then I finished a job and then I got writer's block. Blah! I will try not to make you wait this long ever again.**

**So I feel like I need to kind of explain a little bit of why April and Peter had sex. Lol. Peter was obviously feeling insecure and jealous, and felt like he needed to "have" April in every way that Jackson did. April on the other hand, wanted to test their connection and chemistry. So they both felt as if they had something to prove, and are unaware of each other's motivations. I hope that all makes sense! There will be more of April's thoughts on this matter in the next chapter!**

**This chapter begins where the last one left off! Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual!**

* * *

_I don't wanna fall in love_

_'Cause I think I've had enough_

_Of the heartache and the sorrow_

_But I wanna be with you_

_And share in all the things you do_

_And share in all of your tomorrows_

_Oh, you cut me to the quick_

_Yeah you strike me like a blade_

_Oh, the things that you say_

_'Cause I see in me some you_

_So I wanna pick you up_

_And carry you away_

_- Stone of Suffering by Get Set Go_

* * *

April was lucky that a lot of her guests hadn't arrived yet because for the next few minutes she walked around the ballroom in a complete and utter daze. She couldn't believe what Lauren had said to her. She was actually speechless.

"_He's read every book about religion that he can get his hands on. He goes to church whenever he can, all in an effort to try to understand you better. He's been seeing a therapist twice a week for over a year now. But he didn't tell you any of that, did he?"_

April's mind was racing with questions and possible answers. She couldn't figure him out and it was driving her crazy! Why hadn't he mentioned it when he had come to New York for the penis transplant? Maybe he was embarrassed? Maybe he still wasn't sure what he really believed in? Maybe he had been forced into therapy?

Regardless, he had really made an effort, he had really changed, and yet he hadn't mentioned a word of it to her. It didn't make any sense. If he wanted to win her back then that was certainly something worth discussing.

Still, he had changed for _her_. She couldn't help but smile to herself. _Jackson Avery _had changed for _her_.

Sure, it had taken a little longer than she would have liked but maybe time had been all that he had needed. He had always told her that she was worth the wait, wasn't he? Wasn't that fair?

She was brought out of her thoughts when she felt a pair of arms slip around her waist. Peter placed a kiss on the back of her neck and she melted against him. She knew that she shouldn't be trying to figure out Jackson when she already had this wonderful guy.

She was getting married in four days for God's sake.

"You seem a little distracted. Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she breathed. She spun around and gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks for checking on me but we should probably mingle."

She took a step away from him but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into his chest. He dropped his other hand to her waist and slowly ran it down to her hip. "Do you want to stay at my place tonight?" He asked suggestively before kissing her cheek.

"I would love to," she replied, "but I have an early surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning. It's my last surgery before the wedding."

Peter frowned but she kissed him before turning away. She was still acting a little off but he didn't understand why. Their first time together hadn't gone so well but their second time had been _amazing_. He had felt more relaxed and less nervous, and she had been incredible, and ever since, he had been walking around with a grin on his face that was practically irreversible. Even Jackson Avery's presence wasn't getting him down. In fact, he felt a tad bit smug when he now thought of the plastic surgeon.

Peter ran a hand through his hair and buttoned his suit jacket before he approached the bar where Avery and a few of April's old colleagues were congregated.

"Having a good time?" He asked with a smile.

"How could I not? It's an open bar," Alex Karev answered with a chuckle.

Peter laughed along with him as he ordered a drink for himself. The two peds surgeons had met several times at conferences and they got along fairly well. Peter admired the Africa program that Karev had set up at Seattle Grace Mercy West and Karev respected that he had spent time with Doctors without Borders. Sometimes Peter didn't enjoy the way that the often gruff and grumpy man picked on his fiancé, but most of the time April gave as good as she got. April and Karev had an interesting camaraderie.

"Well take advantage," he grinned. "My father is paying for everything."

Peter was promptly introduced to Mark Sloan and his wife, Lexie Grey-Sloan, and then he gave Jackson Avery a firm handshake. "Avery, it's great to see you again."

Jackson was puzzled by Wakely's sincerity but he didn't comment on it. He shook his hand like a gentleman and offered a smile. "I don't think you've met Lauren Reid. Lauren is an orthopedic surgeon at Tulane. Lauren, this is Peter Wakely."

"It's nice to meet you," he smiled as he took the blonde's hand. He also didn't miss the way Avery's arm looped territorially around her waist. They had to be together, which also made him much more comfortable.

Peter turned his attention to a conversation that Karev and Sloan were having while Lauren pressed her mouth to Jackson's ear.

"April can't stop looking at you," she whispered.

Jackson discreetly glanced upward and sure enough, April's eyes locked with his from across the room. Her gaze was intense but inquisitive. He could only imagine what she was thinking. But she did look beautiful. Her long, auburn hair was pulled up in an elegant bun and she was wearing a simple, lilac dress.

"Stop making eyes at each other and go and talk," Lauren urged him as she placed a firm hand on his back and tried to push him forward.

Jackson shook his head as his eyes shifted to the older, rather intimidating brunette woman standing beside April. "Not right now."

Across the room, April occupied similar thoughts as Eleanor Wakely prattled away in her ear. She was talking about details concerning the reception but April was tuning her out. She loved Peter but his parents were quite tiresome at times. Peter was very different from his parents, in a great way. He didn't have his mother's judgmental streak or his father's hunger for money.

Peter's mother finally caught her attention when she uttered Jackson's name. "Is that Jackson Avery over there? With that blonde draped all over him?"

April nodded after taking a sip from her champagne glass. "Yes, that's his close friend, Lauren Reid. They're colleagues at Tulane."

Eleanor pursed her lips in displeasure. "Yes, they seem quite _friendly_."

April turned her head so that she could roll her eyes without getting caught.

"I really don't know what you saw in him," she continued, "besides his name and his looks."

April bit her tongue to stop herself from snapping. Eleanor didn't even know Jackson and she was already making assumptions that he was a playboy. But she knew that defending him would do more harm than good so she stayed silent. She finished her champagne and smiled in relief when she spotted Meredith and Cristina. "Excuse me a second, Eleanor. Some of my friends just arrived."

She walked up to the twisted sisters and laughed before pulling them into a hug. She was really happy to have her old friends here. "I'm so happy to see you guys," she whispered before she ended the hug and took a step backwards.

"It's great to see you too April," Meredith laughed. She furrowed her brow in confusion as she looked at April's anxious face. Something was bothering the red-head but Meredith knew that she would blurt it out eventually; all she had to do was wait.

"Where's Derek?" April asked curiously.

"Evan was being fussy so Derek decided to stay back at the hotel with him and Zola," Meredith explained. Their two year old boy was going through a shy phase so he hadn't liked the idea of being around so many people tonight. Hopefully he would feel better about attending the wedding.

"Aww, that's too bad," April sighed. She had been looking forward to seeing the little Shepherd in person. She hadn't seen him since he was a baby; it had been only pictures since then.

"This is a nice spread, Kepner," Cristina chimed in as she looked around the ballroom.

April chuckled, "Thanks, and drink and eat as much as you can. There's a tonne of food and it's an open bar."

"I will take that as a challenge," the cardio surgeon answered with a nod of her head.

More guests started to arrive and April began to feel more comfortable as members of her family and more of her ex-coworkers walked through the doors. Her mother and all of her sisters were now here. She looked around the room and saw Dr. Webber, Torres, Robbins, and a very grown up Sofia. Owen had finally arrived and was chatting with Dr. Altman, Bailey, and Ben. The New York socialites that made up the majority of Peter's side of the guest list made her feel like she was auditioning for a role but things were beginning to equalize.

However, her anxiety increased yet again when a bunch of her nieces and nephews immediately rushed to Jackson upon entering the room. She didn't want things to be awkward for him.

"Jackson!" Susan yelled before jumping into his arms.

Jackson laughed, and luckily, his reflexes were quick enough to catch the bundle of energy that had just hurled herself towards him. "Whoa, you've gotten so big."

"I'm nine now," she giggled.

"Wow," he breathed. More time had passed than he had realized. He looked around at all of the tiny humans that he remembered and realized that they were all almost all grown up. Libby's oldest child had graduated high school this year and the babies were no longer babies. Kimmy's boys, the ones that he used to play football with, were almost as big as him. While still holding Susan, he reached a hand out towards Kyle, the elder boy, and playfully punched his shoulder. "You're built like a quarterback."

Kyle smiled a little shyly. "I'm going to try out for the varsity team when school starts again."

"Good for you," Jackson smiled brightly. "I'll give you some tips," he added with a wink.

"What would you know about it?" Thirteen year old Nathan asked teasingly.

"Hey," Jackson chuckled as he pointed a finger at him. "I've sacked a quarterback or two in my day, don't forget." He looked down as he felt a tug on his pant leg and smiled at Kelly, Libby's youngest. "Hey there, little lady."

"Why don't you visit us anymore?" She questioned with a pout.

Jackson opened his mouth to respond but he found himself speechless. He wasn't sure how to explain that he and April had broken up to children, and he quickly recognized that it was not something that he wanted to explain to them either. He really missed spending time with April's family. He missed the Kepners.

"I, um, I've been really busy," he finally answered. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay," the little girl murmured.

"Peter's not as fun as you," Susan whispered in his ear.

Jackson couldn't help but laugh at that statement. It felt good to know that April's nieces and nephews were Team Jackson.

"Okay guys," Libby called as she approached them. "Stop bothering Jackson."

"It's not a bother, really," he assured the oldest Kepner daughter.

"I know," she replied with a smile as she leaned in to speak to him quietly. "I just want them to settle down a little, it's kind of a stuffy crowd."

Jackson chuckled as he placed Susan on the ground. "I understand."

The kids began to walk away but Libby lingered to add, "It's really nice to see you. I wish it was under different circumstances though."

"Thanks," he whispered in awe as she hurried away after her children. He was surprised that Libby felt that way. He had good relationships with Alice and Kimmy but Libby had always been a little cold towards him. He had always been given the impression that she didn't like him very much, but he supposed that he had been mistaken. Or maybe she just liked him more than Peter.

He finished his drink before deciding that he needed a bathroom break. After using the washroom, he ran into another member of the Kepner family.

"Jackson Avery, get over here," Karen Kepner demanded as she opened her arms wide.

Jackson smiled sheepishly as he stepped up to her and hugged her tightly. "How are you Mrs. Kepner?" He asked politely. She looked good, happy and very healthy.

"You know exactly how I am," she grinned. "My doctor sends all of my scans to Tulane under your orders."

"My friend Dr. Hodder is one of the best oncologists in the country. I just wanna make sure you're being well taken care of," he explained caringly.

Karen smiled at him fondly as she placed her hand on his forearm. "You're a sweet boy, and you still love my daughter."

Jackson shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tentatively met the older woman's gaze. After he and April had ended things for good, he had been taken aback when Karen Kepner had insisted that she wanted to keep in touch with him. He had assumed that she would be furious with him, but she had been surprisingly understanding and sympathetic. She had a lot of empathy, a large capacity for forgiveness, and a lot of faith. April's mother firmly believed that God picks two people to be together and that's that, and she had told him several times that he and April were destined to be together.

And maybe she was right. Maybe he and April were soul mates. But soul mates didn't have to be lovers, they could be best friends.

"I do," he replied truthfully. "But I'm her best friend. He makes her happy. I'm happy for her." She stared at him sadly and he simply shrugged. "There's nothing I can do."

"Well," Karen began slowly after some thought. "There's a brunch tomorrow, it's for family and the wedding party, why don't you come too?"

Jackson furrowed his brow in confusion. "But you just said—"

"You're as good as family," she interrupted with a smile.

* * *

_June 14__th__, 2016_

April held her mother's hand as they walked down the steps of St. John the Divine after a successful ceremony rehearsal. She had expected the reality of the situation to hit her this morning, but it hadn't, at least not yet anyway. She still didn't believe that she was getting married in three days. She was about to ask her mother what that meant when the slamming of a car door caught her attention.

She turned her head and was surprised to see Jackson. He was wearing black jeans and a lovely, blue polo shirt. "What are you doing here?" She asked in a surprised, slightly high-pitched voice.

"I invited him to brunch," her mother told her with a smile.

"Mom," April whispered in incredulity.

Karen Kepner ignored her daughter's whine and stepped up to Jackson to give him a hug. "Good morning Jackson, how are you?"

"I'm great," he smiled. He had gotten up early this morning and had gone for a run before he had fretted over his outfit. Ultimately, Lauren had grabbed clothes from his suitcase, tossed them on the bed, and told him to wear them. He had no idea why he was so nervous but he was. "How are you?"

"Wonderful," Karen answered happily.

"And you, April?" He added.

"I'm good, thanks," the red-head answered quietly. His presence both comforted her and set her on edge. "We should go to the restaurant now. Everyone is waiting for us."

* * *

Jackson held open the restaurant door for Karen but he closed it behind her so that he and April could talk privately.

"If you don't want me here then I can leave," he offered considerately. "I'm only here because your mother invited me."

She quickly shook her head. "No, it's fine. We're going to try to be friends again, aren't we?" He nodded and it caused her to smile brightly. "Great! Then I want you here!" She playfully pushed her hand against his chest before she spoke again. "And you're welcome here, so don't feel uncomfortable."

"Okay." He responded as positively as he could but he was skeptical about how true her sentiment would be when he walked through those doors. He doubted that Wakely's family would be welcoming.

April opened the door to the restaurant and Jackson followed her inside. The Kepner and Wakely families were seated at two large tables in the back. Peter greeted April with a kiss and she took the seat beside him, with Jackson sitting on her other side. Jackson knew every member of her large family already and he was promptly introduced to Peter's parents, his cousin, who was the best man, and the two other groomsmen.

Conversation began as soon as everyone had gotten their food from the brunch buffet and surprisingly, it wasn't focused on the bride or groom, but on Jackson instead.

"So Jackson, what exactly does your family do?" Byron Wakely inquired.

"I come from a family of surgeons actually," he answered smoothly.

"Fascinating," Byron retorted. "Ever considered going into the medical technology field? There's a lot of money in that, I tell Peter all the time."

Peter chuckled while rolling his eyes. "It can't replace the rush of surgery, Dad."

"Or the feeling of satisfaction when your patient wakes up for the first time," April added.

Jackson grinned, "I couldn't agree more."

"I'll never understand you surgeons," Byron grumbled good-naturedly.

"So, how do you two know each other?" Robert, the best man, asked while gesturing his fork at Jackson and April.

"They did their surgical internship together," Peter replied quickly.

Kimmy scoffed, "I think it's a bit more than that."

April raised her head and glared at her younger sister. Alice was sitting next to Kimmy and she was snickering as well. April spoke slowly as she signed along with her words. "We've known each other for a very long time. We're best friends."

"Well isn't that sweet," Eleanor Wakely quipped sarcastically.

Jackson couldn't help but smirk. Wakely's mother could exchange punches with the best of them. He would like to see her and his mother in the same room.

April was thankful that conversation shifted after that remark and did not return to her and Jackson's past relationship. Everyone finished their breakfast in peace and there were no more snappy remarks, and no screaming matches or fist fights. She would consider the first Kepner-Wakely family outing a success.

"I need to go to a tux fitting now," Peter whispered in her ear as he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her out of the restaurant.

"Have fun," she smiled as she stopped on the sidewalk and spun around to face him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "I'll see you later."

He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. "What are you going to do today?"

"I think I might hang out with Jackson. If that's okay with you," she spoke hesitantly.

"That's perfectly fine with me," he answered honestly. He kissed her again before he added, "Have fun."

Peter hailed a cab and once he and the rest of the groomsmen had driven away, Jackson approached her with a smile.

"Thanks for brunch."

She could tell that he was getting ready to say goodbye so she stopped him before he could say anything else. "Do you want to do something now? Just me and you."

A grin slowly graced his face. "I would love that."

* * *

Since April knew the city much better than he did, she picked the activity. He had expected her to suggest something normal, like going to a coffee shop or a pizzeria, or even going to the hospital to troll for surgeries. So he was surprised to find himself aboard the Staten Island Ferry.

"Why here?" He asked curiously as they walked to the end of the upper deck.

"I come here sometimes to relax," she stated as she looked out over the water. "To get away from the hustle and bustle of New York. I think it's because it reminds me of Seattle, and thinking of Seattle relaxes me. It makes me feel more like myself. The Staten Island Ferry is my Seattle." She turned to him with a smile. "I miss the rain sometimes too. Can you believe it? Who misses the rain?" She asked rhetorically with a laugh.

Jackson simply smiled back at her. Her grin was infectious and he couldn't get over how beautiful she looked with her hair blowing in the wind. It also wasn't helping him that she made a pair of blue jeans and a hooded sweater look mind-blowing. "I can't say that I miss the rain," he replied. "But I do miss Seattle every now and then. Mostly just the people though."

She nodded in agreement. "Everything was so much simpler in Seattle."

"Except it wasn't," he pointed out with a smirk.

April spun around and leaned back against the railing. "Yeah, except it wasn't," she repeated quietly.

After a moment, she turned to him and asked the question that had been haunting her since last night. She had even had trouble sleeping. "Why didn't you tell me you were in therapy?"

Jackson sighed and squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. He should have expected Lauren to tell her. "I thought that if I told you," he began hesitantly, "you'd think that I was playing some kind of game with you, and I'm not. I've come to terms with a lot of things over the past year, and it just so happens that the majority of those things involve you."

She nodded as she listened to his words. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, I am," he answered truthfully. "It's helped a lot, so has trying to figure out what I believe in."

"That's great," she smiled genuinely. "I'm really happy for you."

Jackson watched her closely as she chewed on her bottom lip and stared at her shoes. "You can ask me whatever else you're thinking," he prompted perceptively.

April blushed as she shyly met his gaze. He had always been able to read her very well. "Why the wait? Why did you wait so long to…?"

She was having difficulty finishing her question but he knew exactly what she was asking him. Why had he waited so long to tell her that he was still in love with her? He wasn't sure if he really wanted to answer that question. It was harder to be her friend, the noble gentlemen, when she asked those kinds of questions, and kept looking at him like that.

"I needed to make sure that I was ready," he finally responded.

"Ready for what?" She asked curiously.

"To give you everything you wanted," he clarified as he took a step closer to her. "I just wasn't ready before…to be your husband…to see the world the way that you do…to completely give myself to someone else." He took a deep breath before he laughed softly, "I was afraid that you'd leave me first, or at least that's what my shrink says. I have abandonment issues so apparently I was afraid of what taking that final step would mean and what would happen if I lost you."

April reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry." She had never planned on leaving him and she wished that she had known that he had felt that way. She would have reassured him. She would have done everything differently.

"It's okay," he smiled as he stared at their joined hands. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh, but I think I did," she explained with an awkward chuckle. She was starting to believe that she had done a lot of things wrong.

"What do you mean?" He asked in confusion.

She shook her head and dismissed his question. "Nothing, never mind."

He couldn't help but think that she was having second thoughts about something. Maybe about Peter and her impending marriage? At least that's what his hopeful side told him. There was a level of anxiety and fear in her body language that he hadn't seen in a very long time. "Life changing moments," he offered. April turned to him and he couldn't help but smile at the adorable expression of puzzlement written all over her face. "My therapist tells me that whenever I'm trying to make a decision it's important to think about your life changing moments, whether or not this new decision will be one, and if so, is it for better or worse. I have three big ones, and a few others that are a little less monumental."

She couldn't stop herself from inquiring further. "What are they?"

"Losing my Dad, deciding to become a surgeon, and falling in love with you."

April's breath hitched as she realized that those three events were life changing moments for her as well. Deciding to become a surgeon had been the best decision that she had ever made, losing her father had hit her really hard, and falling in love with Jackson had changed her entire world.

She wasn't exactly sure if she could say the same thing about falling in love with Peter.

"You're the only woman I've ever said I love you to," he continued in a rather husky tone of voice. "That means a lot to me, and you're still _that_ girl for me."

April tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked at him while reflecting on a conversation that they had had four years ago, in his bedroom in their old Seattle apartment.

"_I guess I just wanted to know what it was like to be that girl for once in my life."_

"_What girl?"_

"_The girl that someone wants in that way. The girl that you want in that way."_

"And you've been _that _girl for me for longer than I should probably admit," he reiterated to finish her memory.

"And you know how I feel about you," she stated tearfully.

He nodded slowly and felt a lump form in his throat. He let go of her hand and watched it fall to her side. "Yeah, I know. You don't love me anymore."

April opened her mouth to tell him that wasn't true but the ferry came to a grinding halt and reminded her that she had a very different life waiting for her on land. She was back in New York, and in New York she had Peter.

Jackson was part of a past life and she liked to reflect on her time with him.

Jackson was like Seattle.

…And she really missed Seattle.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a review!**

**The next chapter will be the bachelor and bachelorette parties!**


	11. (You Want To) Make A Memory

**A/N: As usual, thanks for the reviews! You guys are awesome. Also, I wasn't expecting such a strong response to The Shadow so thanks for that too! Enjoy the update! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual.**

* * *

_Hello again, it's you and me_

_Kinda always like it used to be__  
_

_If you don't know if you should stay_

_If you don't say what's on your mind_

_Baby just breathe_

_There's nowhere else tonight we should be__  
_

_- (You Want To) Make A Memory by Bon Jovi_

* * *

_June 15__th__, 2016_

After spending the day with Jackson and experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, April had decided to stay at Peter's apartment for the night. She had desperately needed a reality check. They had made love again, but April hadn't been as into it as she should have been. She should have…given him more, or been more responsive, or something…but the cogs in April's brain hadn't stopped churning for a second, and now she couldn't sleep.

She was so confused, and as a result, she could feel her stress levels rising. She was a bundle of anxious energy.

She turned her head and observed Peter's peaceful face. He was fast asleep, lying on his stomach, and his hair was a mess. She smiled as she gently pushed his unruly fringe out of his eyes. He looked so young and sweet when he was asleep. Well, he looked that way when he was awake too. He was cute, sweet, smart, and so understanding and generous.

She loved him, of that she was certain; she just wished that her feelings for him were more intense, more all-consuming. She wished that she thought of him and longed for him every second that they were apart. But she didn't. She only felt that way about one person. Only one person drove her crazy in all of the best possible ways.

She carefully slipped out of bed and redressed as quietly as she could. She tiptoed down the stairs and grabbed her jacket and purse.

She was technically on vacation but since sleep was evading her, she decided to go to the hospital. Work would calm her nerves. Right now surgery was the only thing that she was absolutely sure about.

She changed into her scrubs before she headed to her office. She picked up the phone and called the only person that she knew that would be up at this late hour and willing to join her in her hunt for surgeries.

"Hey Cristina, its April, I'm at Columbia."

* * *

"You should have seen his face," April began as her and Cristina operated on a patient they had stolen from a fourth year resident. No resident was brave enough to argue with a department head who was getting married in two days.

Their patient was a gunshot victim. The bullet had entered the chest and ricocheted into the diaphragm. His injuries weren't that severe and they were easily being handled by two surgeons of their caliber.

"It was awful," the red-head added after a moment. She was trying to explain to her unlikely friend how much it had hurt her when Jackson had said that he knew that she didn't love him anymore. Her body had had a reaction to his words; she had felt an unsettling feeling in her stomach and her throat had constricted.

"Was it like you killed your dog?" The other woman questioned as she finished placing a graft.

April nodded as she exhaled heavily. "Yeah, pretty much, possibly worse."

"Then why didn't you just say he was wrong? Why didn't you tell him that you're still in love with him?" Cristina asked bluntly. "It's obvious that you are."

April turned her head and looked at her intern and scrub nurses in panic. They all knew that she was engaged to Peter Wakely, and they were aware that she and the cardio God from out of town were not currently discussing Columbia's beloved peds attending.

"Cristina," she whispered.

"Sorry," Cristina muttered. She was used to talking about incredibly inappropriate things in ORs.

The two women were silent until Cristina spoke after removing her hands from their victim's chest.

"I'm done here," she declared. "You?"

"I almost have all of the bleeding under control," April responded.

Minutes later they closed and then left the OR to scrub out. Cristina waited until they were in the privacy of April's office before she addressed the situation at hand. She collapsed on the sofa before fixing April with a stern glare.

"So, he loves you, you love him, he wants to get married now. Nothing is standing in your way anymore."

April sighed as she sat on the edge of her desk and pulled the elastic out of her hair. She ran her hands through her wavy hair as she took a minute to think. Cristina made it sound simple and easy, like one plus one equals two. Her situation was probably more accurately represented by an irrational number.

"I have Peter," she finally breathed.

Cristina nodded in understanding. She got it; she didn't want to hurt the other guy. She loved him, and one of April's greatest strengths and weaknesses had always been that she felt too much, she cared too deeply. But due to that very same character trait, her feelings for Jackson were never going to go away. In ten years from now she was going to love him just as much, if not more, than she did now. She needed to pick him now so that she wouldn't be miserable for the rest of her life, and Peter Wakely seemed like a nice enough guy to understand that.

"He'll understand," Cristina implored.

April shook her head. "No, he won't." She laughed without humour. "He hates Jackson so he definitely will not understand."

The cardio surgeon smiled wryly. "But he loves you," she countered. "And he's not going to want to marry you if he knows you're not going to be happy with him."

"But I will be happy with him, it just won't be…" She fell silent and looked down at her shoes.

A life with Peter would be lovely and comfortable, but a life with Jackson would be full of passion and adventure.

"It would be different," she finally finished quietly.

Cristina was trying her best to be the voice of reason but she could tell by the look on April's face that she was still very conflicted. April had never been very good at handling broken promises either. The guilt that came along with them ate away at her and maybe that was the real underlying issue in this whole mess. She had promised Peter things and because of that she couldn't bring herself to end it.

* * *

"So what are you guys doing exactly?" Jackson asked nosily as he zipped up the back of Lauren's dress.

"Top secret lady business," she chirped.

Jackson chuckled and rolled his eyes. She was getting ready for April's bachelorette party and she refused to tell him anything. He already knew that it would be a small crowd, probably just her, April's sisters, and a few coworkers, old and new. He just wanted to know what they were doing. He had managed to get invited to Wakely's bachelor party and he had already told her that they were going to a Yankees' game and then probably a bar or two, maybe a strip club. He couldn't see it being that wild of a night. Wakely seemed like an upright boy scout.

"Tell me!" He pestered relentlessly as he poked her side.

Lauren laughed as she slipped out of the bathroom and away from him. The truth was that they were doing dinner and dancing, but it was so amusing to tease him. "Mind your own business, Avery!"

Jackson caught her around the waist and tossed her on the bed. He carefully jumped on top of her and pinned her to the mattress. She kicked underneath him but her strength was no match for his. Jackson smiled sadly as a thought struck him. "Everything would be so much easier if you were straight. We'd be an awesome couple."

"You cheer for the Celtics and I'm a Lakers fan, we'd be a disaster," she joked. "Besides," she began as she pushed him onto the other side of the bed and sat up. "Even if I was straight, you'd still be in love with a certain adorable red-head."

He stared up at the ceiling as he muttered, "Yeah, probably."

"No probably about it," she remarked as she gently smacked his chest. "Now, you should get dressed. You have to meet Mark soon so you guys can head to the game together."

"Would it be too much of a jerk move to wear my Red Sox jersey?"

"Yes," Lauren laughed boisterously. "Just wear a nice shirt and a pair of jeans like a normal person. And try to have a good time!" She added before he ducked into the bathroom. "Don't sulk!"

"I'm not going to sulk," he argued. "I'll have fun! I promise."

* * *

So he wasn't exactly having fun, but he wasn't miserable either. The baseball game had been great, the Yankees had lost, which he had been secretly overjoyed about, he had a good buzz going, and he had people to talk to. Mark, Karev, Shepherd, and Hunt were all also in attendance. He had a feeling that April had exercised some control over the guest list because besides them it was only the groomsmen and a few surgeons from Columbia.

At the insistence of the best man, they were at a strip club, sitting around a table near the main stage, but Wakely seemed very uncomfortable in his new setting.

"He's a bit of a goody goody, isn't he?" Mark commented as they watched the groom awkwardly tip his scantily clad waitress. Jackson nodded and so he added, "That must be why Kepner's attracted to him."

"It could be for the money," Karev quipped after taking a swig from his beer.

Jackson turned to him with a glare. "She's not marrying him for his money." He took a sip from his glass of scotch and smiled when Jonathon Morrow took a seat beside him. "How's it going?" He inquired friendlily.

"Good," the New York plastic surgeon grinned widely. He was obviously a little drunk. "Have you thought anymore about that job offer?"

Jackson opened his mouth to reply but his former mentor cut him off. "Avery, you got offered a job at Columbia and didn't tell me?"

He chuckled, "Don't sound so offended. I haven't made a decision yet."

"It's Columbia!" Mark exclaimed excitedly as he held his hands out in front of him.

Jackson rolled his eyes as he finished his drink. He knew that Mark was a little biased because he had attended Columbia for med school and he had also worked there before moving to Seattle. But Jackson also knew that plastic surgeons didn't turn down job offers from Columbia. It was the holy grail of plastic surgery.

Peter Wakely must have caught a tidbit of their conversation because his head turned towards them in interest. "You got offered a job at Columbia?"

Jackson nodded. "Yeah, I did." He had spoken to the Head of Plastics, Dr. Terry Martin, and the Chief of Surgery, Dr. Michael Chang, over the phone and he had been offered a position on the spot with great benefits and a cushy salary. They had said that his work spoke for itself, and a glowing recommendation from Mark Sloan hadn't hurt either.

Peter swallowed nervously. While he had grown more comfortable with Jackson Avery and his relationship with April, he wasn't sure how he felt about the guy working in the same hospital as them. "That's cool," he stated unenthusiastically. "And you don't know if you're taking it?" He probed.

"I'm still weighing my options," Jackson answered carefully. He hadn't even told April about his job offer yet and he really loved living in New Orleans and working at Tulane. He had no idea what he was going to do but luckily he had time to think about it.

And really everything depended on April.

They ordered another round of drinks before someone suggested that they grab something to eat. The response was an overwhelming yes, so they headed down the street to a pub. They pushed three tables together in the back and sat down. Their waitress, a petite brunette with a pixie haircut, approached their group and instantly locked eyes with Peter Wakely.

"Peter?" She questioned with a small, disbelieving smile.

"Yeah, Mandy, hi, how are you?" He spoke both excitedly and nervously. It was clear that he was very flustered.

"I'm great! I just moved back here a few months ago. It's so great to see you!"

Most of the men watched the exchange in utter confusion. Eventually, Jackson leaned into Robert and asked, "Who's that?"

"Mandy Lyson," the best man replied. "They were high school sweethearts. She took his v-card," he laughed. "They dated for four years."

Karev whistled, "Long time."

Jackson leaned forward in interest and carefully observed the interacting exes. This plot twist was certainly promising. "Why did they breakup?" He delved.

"Pete's parents didn't approve," Robert frowned. "They gave him an ultimatum, either he dumped her or they weren't going to pay for him to go to med school. He was pretty broken up about it."

Jackson was about to ask a million more questions but he was distracted by the chime of his phone. He pulled the device out of his pocket and stared at it in confusion because it showed that he had a new text message from Yang. He opened it anyway, and was glad that he did.

_At Kepner's apartment. Get here now._

"Hey guys, I gotta go," he announced. His friends sent him questioning glances but he left without any further explanation. He looked over his shoulder before leaving the pub and saw that Wakely was still talking to his former girlfriend.

* * *

Jackson rang April's doorbell repeatedly and sighed in relief when the door was finally opened by Lauren.

"What's going on?" He asked frantically.

Lauren simply pointed behind her. "Go upstairs."

He did as he was told without hesitation and ran up the staircase and towards April's bedroom. Yang, Meredith, and Lexie were all standing in the room and turned to him once he entered.

"What's going on?" He asked again.

"April is in the bathroom. We brought her home and were about to leave, but then she started crying," Lexie explained.

"Like hysterical Kepner tears," Meredith added. "She won't calm down enough to tell us what's wrong but she asked us to call you."

Jackson removed his coat and carelessly tossed it aside as he asked, "How much did she have to drink?"

Cristina scoffed, "Enough to cause this apparently."

Typically April was a carefree, energetic drunk. She was usually more likely to dance on a tabletop than break down into tears. She had to be keeping something bottled up and had finally reached her breaking point tonight.

"Thanks for texting me," he whispered as he gratefully looked at Cristina. "I can take it from here."

"You sure?" Lexie inquired in concern.

Meredith grabbed her sister's hand and began to lead her out of the room. "She's more likely to talk to him," the older Grey whispered. "Let's leave them alone."

Cristina followed Meredith and Lexie out of the room but she stopped in the doorway to leave Avery with some parting words. "You're a good guy, ya know, and you're good for her."

He smiled in amusement, "Thanks." He had never thought that he would get a compliment like that from the hardened cardio surgeon.

He took a deep breath as he waited to hear the front door close. When it finally did he calmly stepped towards the bathroom door.

Jackson slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. He found April sitting on the edge of the bathtub, weeping. He quickly closed the door behind him and immediately knelt down in front of her.

"Hey," he began softly. "What's wrong?" She couldn't stop crying but he still couldn't get over how beautiful she looked. She was wearing a black, strapless dress and heels, and her hair was in curls. He placed a hand on her bare knee and rubbed soothing circles into her skin. "Come on; tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

She finally raised her head to look at him and managed a small smile. Even his voice made her feel better. "I'm a little surprised that you came."

He scooted even closer to her. "Of course I came." He knew that he would come running whenever she needed him, no matter where he was. He was just happy that she _still_ needed him.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. "I think there's something wrong with me."

"Don't be ridiculous," he huffed. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Has Peter said that there's something wrong with you?" He asked angrily.

"No," she shook her head. "I think that there's something wrong with me because…God, I…I…I shouldn't even be telling you this…"

He reached a hand up to caress her cheek. "April, you can tell me anything," he assured her.

"I can't orgasm," she mumbled.

His eyebrows rose in shock at what she was possibly telling him. "W-what?" He stuttered.

"Peter and I had sex for the first time a few nights ago and a few times since then and I can't orgasm," she told him in a clearer, stronger voice.

He noticed that she wasn't as intoxicated as he had been lead to believe but this topic was still clearly upsetting for her. "Never?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Never," she confirmed. "The first time was bad but since then it's been really nice, but I just can't!" She sighed in frustration and began to cry again. "I don't feel the same way that I did when I was with you and it really scares me."

Jackson shifted and bit down on his bottom lip. This wasn't exactly a conversation that he wanted to have. He didn't want to talk about her being with another guy. But at the same time, he felt a little smug about the fact that their sex life wasn't good. He was still the only man that had ever really satisfied her. "Well, there's nothing wrong with you, you're not the problem," he told her passionately. He knew first hand that she wasn't the problem. He gritted his teeth before he asked, "Have you talked to him about it?"

"No! God no! I can't!" She couldn't talk to Peter about that. He thought that there sex life was great and as soon as she brought it up, she knew that he would instantly start asking questions about Jackson.

"Maybe you're just thinking too much," he offered. "You need to relax more."

She found his hand on her knee and started to play with his fingers. He was so incredible and he kept coming to her rescue. It probably wasn't a good sign for her and Peter's future that the night of her bachelorette party she had needed to see Jackson. She had asked for him, not her fiancé.

"There could be another reason," he started quietly as he looked down at their entwined fingers. "It could be emotional. I mean, you really need to trust somebody to…ya know," he grinned as he shrugged, "I mean, I know that women need to anyway."

She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth as she met his gaze. "Yeah, I considered that," she admitted.

He placed a hand on her hip and leaned forward. He tucked her hair behind her ear with his other hand and whispered, "It's okay, April."

Both of her hands moved up his arms and across his shoulders. She slipped her fingers under the collar of his shirt and found the chain that he still wore, even after all of these years. "It's really not okay," she replied shakily. "It's not okay that I think about you while I'm making love to my fiancé. I'm afraid that I'm never going to feel as good when I'm with him as I do when I'm with you, and it's not just sex, it's everything. I am still so in love with you and I hate it. Things would be so much simpler if I wasn't."

She cradled his face in her hands and he smiled uncontrollably. So she did still love him, he was sure that his heart swelled a little bit. "I never stopped being in love with you, not even for a second. Loving you is the most natural thing I've ever done in my life."

He cupped the back of her skull as he captured her lips and she enthusiastically kissed him back. He broke their kiss only to stand up and lift her into his arms. They kissed as he carried her into the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed.

They both knew that they were getting swept up in the moment but they were powerless to stop it.

* * *

_June 16__th__, 2016_

April awoke in the middle of the night and it took her a moment to remember why she was naked and why there was a warm body behind her since she and Peter had decided to spend tonight apart. She was lying on her side and Jackson was completely pressed against her. One of his legs was thrown over hers and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. His arm was around her waist and his hand was cupping her breast. She was completely trapped and there was no way that she would be able to get out of bed without waking him.

She tightly squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. What had she done? She wasn't the kind of woman that cheated. She abhorred cheaters. She was a terrible, selfish person who was having trouble _choosing_. She had known better but she had wanted to be with Jackson. She still wanted to be with him. She had missed everything about him. She had missed the smell of his cologne and the warmth of his body. She had missed the way he kissed and caressed her body. She had missed the way that he cuddled her so protectively.

It had been incredible, and she had had an orgasm…two actually.

But she felt an overwhelming wave of guilt and she knew that she was on the verge of tears once again. She wriggled out of his grasp slipped out of bed. She pulled on his shirt before heading into the bathroom for a little privacy. She looked down at the ring on her left hand and began to cry. She couldn't hold it back any longer.

She was getting married, and she was getting married to a wonderful man.

Even if Peter wasn't in the picture, she and Jackson would still have a lot of things to figure out. They lived in two different cities and he had said that he was ready to get married, but was that really true?

She'd had strong feelings for him for as long as she could remember. She was still in love with him and she was trying her hardest not to be. She had no doubt that he loved her too. It was obvious. It was in his smile and his eyes. It was in the way that he interacted with her family and the way that he listened to all of her problems. She could tell by the way that he kissed and touched her. The way that he held her. He wanted to be the only guy in her life, the only man in her bed. But she was terrified to let him in again. She knew that she couldn't handle it if things between them didn't work out again.

The bathroom door slowly opened and Jackson stepped into the room in just his boxers. She quickly spun around so that her back was to him and furiously wiped the tears from her eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked caringly as he placed his hands on her waist.

She splashed her face with water before she turned back around to face him and shook her head. "No, I'm not okay," she responded unsteadily.

He fully expected her to feel guilty about being with him while she was still engaged to Peter but he was going to help her work through it. "I know that you feel bad but what we have," he paused and laughed a little, "the God that I believe in understands. Even though our situation is shitty, it's beautiful."

She leaned back on the sink and hung her head in shame. "I'm so selfish."

"No, you're not," he argued. "In fact, you may be the least selfish person I know." She stayed silent for a very long time so he grabbed her hand and placed it over his heart. "April, look at me, please," he begged.

She laid her hand flat against his chest, to feel his beating heart, and finally met his gaze. "Jackson," she sighed. "I made him a promise."

"He'll be upset but I don't think he'll be surprised."

Her hand dropped to her side as she said, "He really loves me and I can't break my promise. I can't break anymore promises," she muttered.

He wrinkled his brow in confusion. He cleared this throat before he asked, "Do you still want to marry him?"

"It's not as simple as whether I want to or not," she responded quickly. Why couldn't anybody understand that this situation was so much more complicated than what she wanted?

"It is! It is for me! We haven't gone through all of this to _not_ end up together," he argued with determination. "Anything less than spending the rest of my life with you isn't good enough for me anymore."

"I can't," she groaned in frustration. "I love you but I can't and I'm sorry!"

Jackson winced at her choice of words. That phrase was way too familiar to him, it had been on that terrible note that he had left her last year. "Yes, you can," he stated fiercely. He cradled her face and tilted her head upwards so that he could kiss her. "I love you, and he doesn't love you the way that I do and you know it, and you don't love him the way you love me." He kissed her again and smiled against her mouth when she grasped his biceps. "Let's go back to bed. We'll deal with this in the morning."

As hard as it was, she tore her mouth away from his and stepped away from him. "I need you to leave." He stared at her with large, sad eyes and it broke her heart. "_Please_."

Jackson took a step backwards and when she didn't stop him, he did as she asked.

April placed her hand over her mouth to contain a sob when he closed the bathroom door on his way out. She had achieved nothing; she was exactly back to where she had been earlier in the night. Crying in her bathroom over a man that she loved.

* * *

**A/N: I know that some of you are going to hate this but I had this chapter planned out since the very beginning. The muse was unrelenting about this twist. So leave a review, even if it's a bad one! :)**


	12. Someone Like You

**A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews! You guys are the best! So, I think that it's pretty clear that I'm a hardcore Japril shipper and I do believe that they're endgame but I really enjoyed Matthew's proposal. It was nice to see April so happy and he clearly adores her. And I loved that everyone at the hospital was so happy for her too. I thought it was adorable but anyway...It will be interesting to see the finale play out.**

**Enjoy the update!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it  
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me it isn't over_

_- Someone Like You by Adele_

* * *

Peter Wakely rolled out of bed as he heard a series of knocks on his front door. Apparently he had partied a little harder than he had thought because he had a splitting headache and very little energy. He pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a ratty, old t-shirt before he shuffled to his door.

He was pleasantly surprised to find his fiancé on his doorstep. "April," he croaked sleepily, "come in."

She stepped inside and playfully ruffled his untamed hair. "You look a little worse for wear," she joked weakly.

He laughed as he walked towards his kitchen. "Yeah, I really need some coffee, and I'm really glad I don't have to go into work."

April followed him nervously and leaned back against the kitchen counter while he started the coffee pot. "How was your night?" She asked tentatively.

"It was fun." He stepped up to her and gently kissed her, like he should have done when she had first walked in. "What about you? How was your night?"

She glanced down at her feet and swallowed nervously. "Well that's kinda what I came to talk to you about."

She knew that she had to tell him the truth. She had to be honest. It was going to be difficult but she had to do it. And she was aware that being honest with him would alleviate her guilt, so in that respect it was selfish, but he still deserved to know.

She had always been honest with him about everything else…well, almost.

"I did something last night, and I feel awful about it," she began shakily.

Peter's brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about? What happened?"

April lowered her head so that she didn't have to meet his gaze when she confessed her sin. She took a deep breath as she mustered the courage to speak. "I slept with Jackson," she breathed.

Her voice was quiet but Peter didn't have any difficulty deciphering her words. He stared at her in disbelief as he reflexively took a step backwards. He knew that she wouldn't make something like that up but he still couldn't help himself from asking for confirmation. "You did what?"

She raised her head to look at him and tears were streaming down her face. It didn't help her unstable emotions when she saw how stunned and upset he looked. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

She furiously wiped tears away from her eyes and he knew exactly how she was feeling…because he was going through it too. He felt ashamed of himself, wounded, selfish, guilty, and everything else. She wasn't the only one who had had an indiscretion last night. He hadn't slept with his ex, but he had kissed her.

He reached out and took her trembling hand. He pulled her into his chest and softly kissed the top of her head. "Hey, it's okay," he whispered soothingly.

April peered up at him and blinked in surprise. "What?" In all of the scenarios that she had played out in her head, not one of them had involved him saying that it was okay.

He ran a hand through her hair as he looked at her with what he assumed to be a rather remorseful facial expression. "I suppose I'm feeling a little more forgiving because I'm not exactly innocent either." She raised an eyebrow and he gulped. "I ran into an ex-girlfriend last night, and we talked for hours…and we kissed."

April instantly stepped out of his hold and he knew exactly what she was thinking. Her actions may have been worse but she had come to the realization that he wasn't as perfect as she had believed. He was no longer that guy that would never do anything to hurt her. He wasn't the safe choice anymore.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered genuinely.

April certainly hadn't expected that, and although it didn't erase her mistake, it certainly put things in a very different context.

"Um…uh…I," she fumbled inarticulately as she ran a hand through her hair. She had anticipated having to beg for forgiveness and now she wasn't sure what was supposed to happen. "I think that I should go back to my apartment…and think," she finished with a sigh.

She started to walk out of the kitchen but he gently caught her wrist. She turned her head to face him and saw that he wore a rather fearful expression.

"April," he whispered sadly before he gulped. "Give me some indication that we can still do this."

She paused before she walked back up to him and kissed him soundly on the mouth. "We'll talk at the rehearsal dinner, okay?" She whispered.

He nodded solemnly. "Okay."

* * *

After spending hours lying on her bed, deep in thought, and another hour just staring at her wedding dress, April finally decided to do something productive. She removed her suitcase from her closet and began to pack for her honeymoon. She was interrupted by the ringing of her doorbell. She sighed and dejectedly slumped her shoulders before she decided to answer it. She really wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now.

She opened her door, but once she caught a glimpse of who was on the other side, a part of her wished she hadn't.

"Jackson," she sighed in exasperation. "I'm too tired to do this right now."

"But we need to," he stated firmly. He placed his hand on the door and pushed it open far enough for him to step inside her apartment. "This is driving me crazy."

She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him defiantly. "How do you think it makes me feel?" She felt tears sting the back of her eyes but she fought them with fierce determination. "I'm upstairs packing for my honeymoon and all that I can think about is you! I feel like the world's most horrible person!"

Jackson groaned and rolled his eyes. "Right, because I feel so great about myself for doing this to you," he snapped sarcastically. "I'm not proud of this. I was ready to let you ride off into the sunset with that guy. I feel like an ass for trying to break up your wedding but I need to do this!"

"You need to do what exactly?" She asked with a nervous curiosity.

He took a step forward as he responded to her quietly, "Fight for you."

"Jackson," she whispered in protest as she continued to hold back a wave of tears.

He gently cupped her face in his hands as he continued the speech that he had rehearsed in his head several times during the cab ride to her place. "I can't just walk away, not after last night, not when I know that you still love me too." He lowered his head until their foreheads were pressed together. "Marry me. Please."

She raised her hands to place on his chest and squeezed her eyes shut. She had spent years envisioning a marriage proposal from Jackson and now she had one…

"I've never been a guy that begs, but I will. Leave him and come back to New Orleans with me."

He spoke and his warm breath washed over her face. She finally opened her eyes and glanced upwards to look into his. Ever since their very first meeting his eyes had done funny things to her. It was hard to concentrate on anything else when you were trying to figure out what color they were. Sometimes they looked blue. Sometimes they looked green. They were always beautiful but what was affecting her at the moment was that his eyes were glassy. He was on the verge of tears too.

She finally strung together the words that she needed to force out as she shoved against his chest. "You don't have to walk away, I'm pushing you."

He took a few steps backwards and narrowed his eyes. "You're scared," he shot at her accusingly.

"Of course I am!" She yelled. "I'm terrified!"

Jackson's expression softened as he realized that she had finally broken down. All of this was too much for her. "I'm sorry," he apologized gently.

She shook her head as she held out her hand as a signal for him to stop talking. She didn't want to hear another apology today. "Don't say anything else," she pleaded. "I love you but I don't think it's enough," she stated as her voice broke on the last few words.

She stared at him and saw that he still looked hopeful and determined and she knew that the only way to make him leave was to hurt him. She sent up a silent prayer for forgiveness before she spoke.

"He's better for me than you are," she told him with an impressive amount of clarity and calm.

The hurt showed on his face and it made her want to immediately take her words back.

"Okay," he replied after a long, uncomfortable pause. "I get it." He turned towards the door but stopped just before his hand reached the doorknob. He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small, black jewellery box. He laid it on the table next to her door and muttered, "I don't want that anymore." He opened the door and left with a sincere wish. "Bye April. I hope that you're really happy."

She had made up her mind and so had he. He was done.

* * *

Jackson walked into his hotel room and kicked the door closed behind him. Lauren rushed to him with an excited, expectant look on her face and all that he could do was shake his head.

"You've got to be kidding me!" The blonde exclaimed in disbelief. "What is wrong with her? You're beautiful! That ring is beautiful! Do you want me to go kick her ass?"

Jackson sent her a wry smile in thanks as he grabbed his bag and started to pack away his clothes.

"What are you doing?" Lauren asked in a panic.

"I'm going home," he answered simply. "It's done. It's over. The bride has her groom and I really just want to get back to work and see my dog."

Lauren approached him from behind and tightly wrapped her arms around his torso. "I'm so _so _sorry."

She knew how much he loved April and she was heartbroken for him. She couldn't even imagine losing somebody you loved with all of your heart like that. How do you even begin to recover?

Jackson quickly spun around and pulled her into a tight hug. "Thanks," he mumbled as he pressed his lips against the top of her head. "You've been a pretty awesome friend through all of this."

"Pretty awesome? I've been the best," she joked light-heartedly.

He laughed along with her. "Yeah, you have," he agreed quietly.

Lauren pulled back so that she could examine his facial reaction when she asked him a very important question. "So what are you going to do now?"

He exhaled slowly as he ran a hand over his head. "I am going to call the Chief of Surgery at Columbia to decline their offer and then I am going to get the first flight out of here."

* * *

April took a deep breath as she splashed water on her face. She raised her head and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror for an unnaturally long time. She did not look like a woman that was getting married in the morning. There was no blissful smile or bright, happy eyes, and she had stress wrinkles on her forehead. She looked tired and tense, and she truly was. She had needed to escape to the bathroom during her own rehearsal dinner for a moment of space and privacy. She just couldn't stomach the hopeful words and lovely speeches.

Everybody was so happy for them and it just didn't feel right.

And she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Jackson wasn't here. Lauren was in attendance but her partner in crime was absent.

The bathroom door opened and April was relieved to see Libby.

"Are you okay?" Her sister questioned in concern.

She nodded before a flash of anger appeared in her eyes. Her sister's words from just minutes ago rang through her head. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Libby countered in confusion.

"Say all of those things," she clarified. She was referring to the speech that Libby had just delivered as her maid of honor.

The older Kepner scoffed, "Because it's true. You've been talking about the perfect guy and the perfect wedding for as long as I can remember. This is what you've always wanted," she said softly as she placed a hand on April's shoulder.

"Yeah," the red-head whispered. Her sister was right; this was exactly what she had always dreamed of…but something was wrong. Something wasn't perfect. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?" She finally asked. She knew that no matter what Libby would tell her the truth, and she really needed some advice right now.

Libby opened her mouth to answer but they were interrupted by a knock on the door. The two women turned their heads in time to find Peter awkwardly poking his head inside the room.

"Can I talk to my bride for a second?" He asked with a small smile.

Libby nodded and gave April's hand a reassuring squeeze before she walked towards the door. "Sure you can."

April dried her hands before she joined Peter in the empty, secluded hallway.

"You're not yourself tonight," he stated astutely.

She couldn't stop herself from laughing. That was an understatement. She felt like a completely different person.

He gently took her hand and entwined their fingers as he led her down the hallway and towards an exit that would bring them to the alleyway behind the restaurant.

"We need to talk," he stated with a finality and sincerity that perfectly suited their complicated, emotional situation.

* * *

**A/N: I know that I am putting you guys through the emotional wringer but don't fret! The next chapter is the last!**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	13. The Last Time

**A/N: So, the finale happened. I think that all the ladies of Grey's deserve a round of applause, they all killed it in the finale. And I'm thrilled that we finally got some honesty from Japril! So proud of April. I read one review of the finale that called "Unless you can give me a reason not to" the best line of the season and another that said that Sarah Drew's performance was Emmy-worthy. Pretty proud to be a Grey's fan and Japril shipper right now!**

**Anyways, enjoy this final chapter! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's.**

* * *

_This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,_

_This is the last time I say it's been you all along,_

_This is the last time I let you in my door,_

_This is the last time I won't hurt you anymore_

_- The Last Time by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody_

* * *

"Ten bucks says this wedding gets called off," Callie Torres casually commented after taking a sip from her glass of champagne.

Arizona turned towards her wife and scolded her. "Calliope!"

The Latina looked around the table at the rest of the Seattle Grace contingent. She was certain that everyone else at this rehearsal dinner who knew April Kepner was thinking the exact same thing. "What? Anyone wanna take my bet?"

Alex replied bluntly, "I'm not in the mood to lose any money."

Callie nodded in satisfaction and stared confidently at her blonde counterpart. "See? Kepner has Avery and one of Wakely's exes just came out of the woodwork. It's all too mysterious and coincidental. It's a sign."

Mark looked around the restaurant in concern and Lexie placed a comforting hand on his leg. "What is it?" She asked curiously.

"Avery isn't here," he answered. "And he's not answering my texts." He looked towards Meredith and Cristina and inquired, "What happened at Kepner's bachelorette party exactly?"

The two friends exchanged guilty looks before Cristina spoke, "It's a long story."

Bailey nosily leaned forward in her chair. "The bride and groom have disappeared so I think we got some time."

* * *

April and Peter sat side by side on the back step of the restaurant's kitchen exit. The night air was refreshing but a little chilly. Peter noticed her shiver so he removed his jacket and placed it over her shoulders. She smiled at him in thanks but remained silent.

He was the one who had said that they needed to talk so he supposed that he should speak first. He just wasn't sure what to say or where to begin.

"So, what's going on?" He questioned eventually.

She ran both of her hands through her hair and sighed. "I'm so confused and I feel awful, and I don't even know what to say to you to make any of this okay."

He nodded in understanding as he placed a hand on her knee. He felt the exact same way. "Do you ever…?" He began tentatively. She turned her neck to make eye contact with him and he swallowed before continuing. "Do you ever think that you're more in love with the _idea_ of something?"

April's breath hitched at what he was implying. "Is that how you feel about me?" Was in love with the_ idea_ of her more than he actually was with her? She knew that he had had feelings for her for years so maybe she was more of an ideal than anything else. Maybe she had never truly lived up to his expectations. She was a little crazy after all.

"Not all the time," he answered quickly. "But sometimes. Being with you was like a dream come true," he smiled sincerely.

She grabbed his hand on her knee and squeezed tightly. "I feel the same way about you," she responded honestly.

"But I…I think that we both need something a little more real…"

April smiled happily as tears pricked the back of her eyes. She was happy and relieved that they were having this real, honest conversation and it was the reason why she was so emotional. He really did understand her and she loved him for it. "I think so too," she whispered. She placed her free hand on his face and gently stroked his cheek before she pressed her lips softly against his. She kissed him twice before she pulled away. "I do love you though; I want you to know that."

"I love you too," he replied softly. "It's just that what we have…"

She finished his thought, "Is not enough because we both have something more with other people." The love that they shared was one that could only exist between very good friends. She paused before she said, "Tell me about her."

"Uhh…" He scratched his head as he gathered his thoughts. "Her name is Mandy and I've known her forever. We dated in high school…she was my first," he added quietly. "We dated for four years but my parents hated her." He laughed without humor, "They said she wasn't good enough for me. She's not from money and she's a struggling actress. My parents told me that I had to breakup with her or otherwise they wouldn't pay for medical school." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "It's probably the time in my life that I'm least proud of."

"I'm so sorry," she told him sympathetically.

He shrugged, "I've spent my whole medical career trying to make up for it…for being a heartless snob. I thought that I had forgotten about her, buried that part of my life, and I thought that my feelings for you were so much stronger…but seeing her again last night, everything just…"

"Came rushing back?" She supplied with a soft smile.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I guess that's how it is for you when you're with Jackson."

She groaned before laughing melodiously. "Yeah, pretty much, it's like I gave him my heart and I've spent the past few years trying to get it back, and he just refuses to let me have it."

Peter smiled at her, she was so in love with that guy and he never thought that acknowledging that would make him happy. Even though she had betrayed him, it was impossible for him to be truly mad at her. It would be different if she had done it just for the sex or for the thrill. But she had done it because she really loved Avery, and if they weren't meant to be then he needed to know that she would be happy with someone else, and Avery seemed to make her happy, even if he didn't really like the guy. He suddenly furrowed his brow in confusion when something troublesome occurred to him. "Wait. I thought that he was dating his friend from Tulane? Lauren?"

April laughed as she shook her head. "No, she's gay."

"Oh," Peter replied in shock before laughing along with her.

April couldn't help but think that it felt good to talk like this again, like friends. They hadn't done it in so long. They had been trying so hard to be the perfect couple that they had forgotten the foundation of their relationship. They had forgotten about the capacity in which they were the most comfortable. It was time for them to let go of the lives that they had imagined themselves leading when they were children. Perfect wasn't always right.

"Peter," April began hesitantly. "Can we still be friends?" She was hopeful but she could understand if his answer was no.

He shot her a genuine, happy smile. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

She squeezed his hand again before she spoke rapidly. "Hey! You should use our travel plans to whisk Mandy away! Bora Bora is beautiful!"

"Wouldn't that be a little awkward?" He inquired with a puzzled facial expression. "I mean, it was supposed to be our honeymoon."

"Live in the moment, Wakely," she retorted teasingly.

He laughed before he responded with advice of his own. "You need to go after him. I remember that I once told you that if I ever had you I would never let you go, but there's a difference between letting you go and setting you free." He got to his feet and extended his hand. "Come on, we have a wedding to call off."

She placed her hand in his and he pulled her up. "Yes, we do." She handed him back his jacket before she pulled her engagement ring off of her finger. "Here, you have to take this back," she said as she held the ring out for him.

"You sure?" He asked. It was hers so if she wanted to keep it, he would be perfectly fine with it.

She nodded, "Yeah." She took his hand and placed the ring in his palm. "I want you to take it."

"Okay." He slipped the ring into his pocket before he forced a large smile. "Let's do this."

They bravely returned to the packed restaurant and approached the podium. They were confident in their decision but that didn't make them any less nervous.

Peter cleared his throat before he spoke into the microphone. "Hi everyone, we have an announcement to make."

Hundreds of faces anxiously peered up at him and he lost his voice. Thankfully, April took over. "We're really sorry to tell you that there won't be a wedding tomorrow. We're sorry for the inconvenience and you're free to leave whenever you want." Her comment felt short and disingenuous but she wasn't sure what else to say, it's not like she had ever done this before.

April stepped away from the podium and headed towards the table where her family was sitting while Eleanor Wakely stormed towards her son.

At the back of the room, Callie was unable to stop herself from triumphantly sing-songing, "Called it!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Eleanor Wakely demanded.

"Mom, calm down," Peter said in a soothing voice.

"I certainly will not," she responded haughtily. "Tell me what's going on. Was this _her_ idea?" The way that she said 'her' made it very clear that she was not happy with the woman who had gotten so close to becoming her daughter-in-law. "Is she running off with that Jackson Avery?"

"Mom," Peter sighed. "It was a mutual decision. We both decided that it's not right for us to get married." Peter started to back away as he said, "Don't you dare say anything to April. She did nothing wrong."

His mother was not pleased with his responses and she was even less impressed by the fact that he seemed to be leaving. "And where are you going?"

"I've got somewhere else to be," he replied nonchalantly.

Meanwhile, Karen Kepner approached her daughter with concern.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked.

"I'm fine, Mom," April nodded. "Peter and I talked and we just don't…we don't love each other that way. We can't get married. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, sweetheart." She ran a hand over April's auburn hair as she smiled. "This is nobody's fault. You're just not meant for each other, there's nothing wrong with that." She could see her daughter's eyes flickering around the room and she knew exactly what, or more specifically who, she was looking for. "He's still not here," she said sadly.

She spoke and her voice quivered, "I don't know where he is."

"Well, you have to go and find him."

April nodded before she spotted the only person in the room that probably knew of Jackson's whereabouts. She rushed towards Lauren and blurted out, "Where is he?"

The thought of not telling her passed through Lauren's head but she knew that she couldn't do that. "He's on a plane back to New Orleans," she sighed.

April digested the information before she fled the restaurant. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

_June 17__th__, 2016_

"Dr. Avery, there's someone here asking for you."

Jackson looked up from his work and glared at the intern standing in the doorway of the lab. "I'm busy, Wilkes. I'm growing skin. Tell them to make an appointment."

"It's a woman and she's really pretty, sir," the intern added with a smile. The attending continued to glare at him and he cowered slightly. "Right, growing skin," he muttered as he left the room.

Jackson groaned once the door had firmly closed behind the bothersome intern. His plane from New York had landed late last night and he had only gone home long enough to feed Brody and then he had come straight to the hospital. He just wanted to work until he couldn't see straight anymore. Since he didn't have any surgeries scheduled, he had retreated to the lab.

Being busy didn't allow his thoughts to wander back to New York City and April Kepner. He needed to work and he was thankful that he had an appointment with Dr. Summers later in the day. He really needed to talk too.

The door to the lab opened once again and Jackson growled in annoyance. He wasn't in a very good mood today, for completely understandable reasons. "What is it?"

The unexpected visitor was his friend, general surgeon Ryan Collins. "There's someone waiting in the lobby for you."

"I know, I told Wilkes to take care of it."

Ryan grinned as he stepped farther into the lab. "I think that you'll want to deal with this yourself."

Jackson rolled his eyes as he removed his gloves and tossed them on the lab bench. He figured that if he didn't do this then people would continue to bother him. He might as well take care of this unwanted guest. "This better be good," he muttered.

He took the elevator down to the main lobby and spotted the very last person that he expected to see. She was just standing there in a t-shirt, jeans, and a jacket. Her hair was down and she looked tired, and frankly, a little lost. She didn't even have any luggage with her.

"April, what are you doing here?" There was an unmistakable note of frustration and annoyance in his voice. He looked at his watch before he added, "You're supposed to be getting married right now, and you made it very clear that he's the one that you want."

The red-head merely shrugged, she was at a loss for words. She had practiced this on the plane but now that she was finally here, looking at him, it was hard to speak. "I-I," she stuttered. "It's you," she declared after a deep breath. "It's always been you. It's only ever been you."

Jackson's face softened as he walked towards her. She was picking him.

"But this is it," she continued with determination. "I'm done with the chase, and hurting each other, and this is the last time that I—"

He cut the rest of her words off with a firm kiss. She gasped and placed her hands on his biceps before she eagerly kissed him back. She practically melted against him as he slipped both of his hands up her back.

When he ended the kiss, he pressed his forehead against hers and smiled uncontrollably.

"I had more to say but now I forget," she told him with a laugh.

He chuckled as he lovingly tucked her hair behind her ear. "I think I get it." This was the last time that she was going to let him in and he wasn't going to screw things up this time.

She stared into his eyes before she looked around the busy lobby. She saw a few of her old coworkers smiling happily at them and she blushed due to the nature of their very public reunion. "Can we go somewhere else?" She asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, of course," he answered automatically. He wasn't even supposed to come into work today so he could bail without feeling guilty. And honestly, he knew that it wouldn't have mattered to him anyway, at least not today. He and April had too much lost time to make up for.

* * *

Jackson unlocked the front door of the home that he had bought for the two of them and they were instantly greeted by Brody, the excited golden retriever.

"Hi Brody!" April exclaimed happily as she leaned down to scratch his ears.

Jackson smiled as the dog barked and jumped around April's feet. The animal was just as happy to see her as he was. He patted Brody's side and sent him away before he impatiently pulled April up the stairs.

She knew exactly what he was thinking but she had one last thing to talk about before they got lost in each other. "I have a question to ask you," she giggled as he led her into his bedroom.

"What is it?" He asked with a boyish grin as he placed his hands on her waist.

She continued to giggle as she reached a hand into her jacket pocket and pulled out the ring box that he had left behind at her apartment. "Will you marry me?"

He chuckled as he snatched the small jewellery box out of her hand. He kissed her before he stated, "That's supposed to be my job." He opened the box and carefully picked up the diamond ring that he had purchased months ago. "I will marry you. Will you marry me?"

"Yeah," she whispered as a few tears slid down her cheeks.

He slipped the ring on her finger and their lips met in a frenzied kiss. He pushed her jacket off of her shoulders while she impatiently tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. He raised his arms above his head and reluctantly pulled away from her mouth so that she could remove the garment. He quickly rejoined his mouth with hers while wrapping his arms tightly around her frame and carrying her to the bed.

Her back hit the mattress and he held himself above her. He had to take a moment to look at her because he almost couldn't believe that she was here. It felt like he had been alone in this house for so long.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked curiously as her hands held his face.

"Marrying you," he smiled.

April stared at him lovingly before tossing her head back and laughing happily. She couldn't believe that after so many years he was saying that to her. "I don't want a big wedding," she said seriously after a moment. "Can we just go to the courthouse?"

"Whatever you want." He actually thought that the courthouse sounded perfect. Lauren would be there and he could fly their mothers down. "I'm just glad to have you back."

"I'm glad to be back," she purred as she grasped the chain around his neck.

His brow furrowed in intense thought as he reflected on what she had left behind. "What about your job? What about Columbia?" He knew how much she loved working there and how much everyone there respected her.

He was way more important to her but she was able to answer his question because she already had a plan. "Ochsner Medical Center is looking for a new Head of Trauma," she replied. "I already looked into it."

A wide grin spread across his face. She would be working in New Orleans and he didn't even care that they wouldn't be at the same hospital. "God, I love you."

"I love you too, Jackson, and I'm sorry for the things that I said yesterday."

He responded by kissing her. "Don't even worry about it," he murmured against her mouth. "I'm sorry for leaving; I'll never do that ever again."

"I know," she whispered as she trailed a hand down his chest. Her other hand was still firmly tangled in his chain. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Trust me; the feeling is more than mutual. I feel like I've waited far too long for this."

She grinned mischievously as she rolled him onto his back and straddled his waist. "It'll be worth the wait."

He placed a hand on the back of her neck and guided her mouth down to his. "I have no doubt about that."

* * *

**A/N: I have been so unbelievably humbled by the response to this story, so thanks to everyone who's left a review. It really means a lot.**

**I hope that you enjoyed the ending and feet that I did all of the characters, even Peter Wakely, justice.**

**Please leave me your final thoughts! :)**


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